I realize that this post may offend certain people: Good people, people who I’d probably really get along with otherwise…
But for the record, I am not sorry.
Last week’s post Worthy of Rubies was me, buttoned up in my ‘Sunday’s best’ and smiling pretty. But over the last couple of days a fire has come over me and I can’t keep silent.
You see, I hate when women stand before other women and use their platform to hide behind facades of ideal marriages, perfect specimens of children and strong opinions on the likes of breastfeeding, vaccines, and church politics…
I cringe when the Kim Kardashian’s of the world pose half-naked in an attempt to prove that they’re still sexy, when any ‘real mom’ feels like anything but! When friends on Facebook post statuses like “ …Made 6 loaves of banana bread, ran 12.8 miles, fed the homeless, and saved a cat, and was still able to get home in time to make homemade apricot pork loin and apple crisp for dinner tonight,” while the rest of us are left wondering how we even made it out of our pajamas today?!?
I don’t know when being sexy and domestically superior made us more of a woman, but let me challenge you with what I believe is the #1 misconception of a godly woman…
Years ago, I took a class in bible college that still to this day gets my blood boiling. It was a class called Christian Womanhood.
Three times a week hundreds of college freshman ladies piled into the auditorium, and who if they were anything like me, anticipated by the name of the class ‘Christian Womanhood’ that we would come to understand what it truly meant to become the godly woman the Lord desires for us to be.
Most of the girls attending the class would one day go on to become pastor wives, missionaries, and christian school teachers. Women who would have the potential to impact other women, communities and the World in POWERFUL ways!
And yet, THIS is what we learned…
– How to execute a wedding. Complete with rehearsing a mock wedding in which each of my peers played a ‘part.’ I however, sat in the audience (on the groom’s side if you want to be specific) uninterested, and unapologetic …I mean, seriously?
– The importance of making dinner for our families each night, and pointed out the convenience of using a crock pot. …Yep, it happened.
– Why we must only read the King James Version of the Bible. But I have no notes on that lesson, because unashamedly, I tuned that one out!
It was also in this class that we did an in-depth study of Proverbs 31 in the Bible. Which wasn’t bad per se, but due to all of the above (and the fact that I actually paid for this nonsense of a class!) I don’t think it would surprise anyone to know that still to this day, I have a physical aversion to any of the topics covered in that class, including the beloved Proverbs 31 woman!
Interestingly enough though, my husband came to me last week and asked me to write a devotion for our church on you guessed it – Proverbs 31! And in all honesty I fought it HARD, as if to completely downplay the significance of it in the Bible.
And yet as I pored over the chapter myself, I realized something I had never seen before, something I can assure you was NEVER taught in my class all those years ago:
Who can find a capable wife?… She is energetic and STRONG… She has NO FEAR of winter… She is clothed with STRENGTH…
Proverbs 31:10, 17, 21, 25
The Proverbs 31 woman is a lot of things- domestic and lovely, successful and well-respected, But most repeated, she is STRONG! Not anything like the passive and weak woman we are so often encouraged to be! She has no fear of winter – the difficult times to come – and is most definitely not limited to planning weddings and using crock pots!
It got me thinking go the times I have had to be strong…
When 2 years into my marriage, when we should have been comparing paint swatches for the living room and eating breakfast in bed (or whatever it is that newlyweds do!) but instead we were battling it out in screaming matches and trying to decided what we would do with the house in the event of a divorce.
…When The Lord asked me to forgive my husband, and when even more clearly, I begged God kicking and screaming to let me move on, to give me permission to break ties with the man I was petrified would hurt me once again! But how the Lord never wavered.
How I was furious and shaken, but STRONG enough to choose to please the Lord above all else and embark on a journey to learn to love my husband again. And for the record, I am so incredibly glad I did!
How years later, we faced an unimaginable tragedy in our church while my husband was away at summer camp. How I wanted nothing more then for my husband to walk through the door, so I could immerse myself into the comfort of his arms, allowing myself to freely fall into a heap of tears with the one person who shared my mutual heartache. And how it never happened…
Because upon returning home, my husband made only one request: we not cry. How instead, he wanted to watch the news footage covering the accident over… and… over… and lay on floor and listen to worship music until late into the night. How he needed me there, and how more than anything he needed me to be STRONG!
How impossible it felt (how impossible it would’ve been apart from the Lord!) but how I sought hard to find my strength in Christ, relying on Him wholeheartedly for my comfort so that I could be strong for my husband, so that in return, he could be strong for so many others as their Pastor!
Oh, how my soul longed in those moments, for a woman to have opened up and spoken to me as a college freshman about THAT! To have a woman stand before me, vulnerable about her overwhelming fears and unworthiness, but of God’s immeasurable strength available to us in spite of it!
And so if I could teach a class on christian womanhood, and if all of you reading were my exceptionally lovely students, I would tell you that the most breathtaking picture of a ‘christian woman’ is not merely a sweet, modest, well-spoken, domestic goddess – but the woman whose strength and unshakeable faith lifts up all those around her despite the circumstance or ‘winter’ she has found herself in. (Prov. 31:21)
I’d tell you that no matter how beautiful of a bride you make, that one day your marriage may feel hopeless. And to remember when that day comes, it’s not a direct reflection of the INADEQUACY of you, but the potential GREATNESS of God if we allow Him to restore the broken pieces left of our hearts, and our vows.
That one day, the strong men we marry may need OUR strength to literally and physically pick them up off the floor, and that it won’t be a damn crock pot that will save the day, but the fire deep within us to FIGHT for our marriages and for our husbands to be the godly men that the Lord desires them to be!
Because the truth is, EVERYONE can let us down. But by choosing to find our strength in Christ, there is NOTHING God can’t grant us, and NOTHING He can not restore!
We need only to turn to Him, for He is the only one capable of giving life to our broken hearts and the strength we need to keep holding on.
And it would be as simple as that.
Class is dismissed.
Krista Ortiz 
Reblogged this on Owl & Stone and commented:
Wow, this was an awesome read- im not necessarily sure i agree with every part of it… but i feel like these ladies, and this blog are awesome, and it truly was a good, fun, interesting read!!!!! check it out.
LikeLike
“I realize that this post may offend certain people… good people, people who I’d probably really get along with otherwise.”
What about this post could possibly offend anyone?
LikeLike
ha, this made me smile. If only it were that easy right?
LikeLike
why the cursing ? you should set an example, and be humble.
LikeLike
Hi,Krist Ortiz and family.
Interesting wibsite you got there I was reading about your misconceptions of a Godly woman topic. There were some things that were missing in your misconception of a Godly woman and that was about the Godly man. You see to be a Godly man or woman you need to know the truth and love the truth before getting marry. This is what happens many time with couple and it is a big problem and a booming business for divorce court because they know the truth and you do not. I would like to share this truth with you but please pass it on so that it can help and save someone true marriage and life. Here are two website to help you with truth: ServantKingdotinfo and Hushmoneydotorg. Please email me back if you love the truth. Thank You. P.S. Mind control is world control so who is controlling your mind?
LikeLike
To Rachel and family.
Hi I am a Godly man and I was reading your post about “when the Plot Thickens”. You are right about the plot thickens. I would like to help you and your family to show you how too remove the thickness of that plot. You see life is more important than just working for a job,meaning family,relationship and marriage is more important than that job. When you blieve and love God he has a purpose for you and your husband,children,relationship family and marriage. An I would like to prove it too you by sending you these websites for starter.
1.ServantKingdotinfo.2.Hushmoneydotorg.3.Toolongdotcom. The men and women of God do not need to go too college to learn the truth .It is not there you need to go too the son,the father and the holy spirit for the truth.Please emai me back if you love the truth. Thank You.
LikeLike
why the cursing? geez! I found this post freeing and real. Thank you Krista! And yes, a damn crock pot will not save the day 🙂 Love it!
LikeLike
Amazing article! I felt every word after a 38 yr marriage that only my GOD has been able to see me through! HE is my keeper and strength.
Love is not what keeps a marriage together, it takes a lot of hard work a grace, forgiveness, but most of all GOD centered!
LikeLike
You are so right Barbara! 🙂
LikeLike
AMEN YOUNG LADY!!! <– that's me, shouting from the back of the classroom because I never sit in the front row. And, for the record, we're probably the same age. Or really close to it. Each other's, I mean. Or something.
This was AWESOME. I am not going to bleed my life's current circumstances here right now. It suffices to say: you were used by God. Be encouraged. And if you already are…then be more encouraged! (My spiritual gift is bossiness.) Tee hee! (Also, humor is my defense mechanism against getting too ooey-gooey. I'm feeling really ooey-gooey. This post was EXACTLY something I needed. Mostly the last part. Thank you for writing it.)
LikeLike
Thank you. That is all so nice of you to say! I am encouraged, so thank you! Your words mean a lot to me! Thanks for reaching out 🙂
LikeLike
Verse 31 sums it up:” charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears The Lord is greatly to be praised.” Many of the evidences of her success are what is seen through physical sight, but this makes it known that her true beauty and ability is not the superficial kind but achieved through a relationship and guidance of the Lord. That is the source of her strength and the ultimate reason she deserves praise. Col. 3:23. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord”…
LikeLike
So encouraging! I have been married 29 years and we are going thru some rough times with our youngest daughter right now. This is so very true what you have said. I was married 3 years, had 3 children and asked my husband for a divorce. He flat out told me “no”. I had a Christian family that encouraged me to stay with him and that I was in the wrong. By his refusal to divorce me it let me see how much he really cared. I’m so glad he told me “no”. We truly have become one. Praise God!
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Worth More Than Rubies and commented:
I recently shared this on my Facebook profile a few weeks ago. I do not know Krista, but her blog is PHENOMENAL! And this post is so spot on. We are Christian women and we have an amazing fire within us that others who don’t know God’s love just do not possess! Read this now!
LikeLike
This was a very good read, and I believe it opposes everything the godly, American female has been pushed to represent. And I am very cool with that.
LikeLike
Thank you for being real.
LikeLike
Thank you for showing new light on the Proverbs 31 woman. You reminded me of the strength I’ve had to weather the nasty storms that entered my life this year. I strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman in the way in which God has created me, which doesn’t flow with the whole baking, running, etc thing a lot of women think it is.
LikeLike
Incredible, powerful, freeing TRUTH! Thank you, woman of God for sharing this!!
LikeLike
this is absolutely great! this is real!! thank you for writing this post!!!! share share!!!
LikeLike
I am pretty sure we share the same brain waves. Love this! I totally agree!
LikeLike
” And that it’s not a ***DAMN*** crockpot that will save the day, but the fire deep within us to fight for our marriages..”
We are instructed:
Ephesians 4:29
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
Matthew 12:36-37
But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.
James 1:26
If anyone thinks himself to be religious (fearing and worshiping God), and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion/worship is worthless.
LikeLike
I agree. It was a great read until that moment, and I cannot reconcile the “sweet” of God’s Word being mixed with the “bitter” of godless language. As much as I want my daughter to be a strong woman of God, I do not want her to embrace foul words that would ruin her ability to minister. I hope instead she will show that a strong woman never needs to speak in a profane manner because God is her strength.
LikeLike
“Godless?” have you not heard a person of god use strong language before? What a sheltered world you live in. As far as being unable to minister because of using the word DAMN, have you ever listened to Nadia Bolz-Webber? She is a Godly woman who uses all kinds of words. She has brought me closer to understanding God more than any prissy, timid, sheltered church person ever has.
LikeLike
I do not advocate using bad language, but I have to disagree with your comment that this would “ruin her ability to minster”. I think that would depend on a person’s attitude. If they were saying it was okay to sin, that would damage the ability to minister and the scope in which God could use her. However, I think it is a mistake to try and pretend that leaders have to be perfect, or that if they slip they can no longer be used by God. The whole message of Christianity is that we are sick and need a doctor; that we cannot be righteous alone, and that we need God’s spirit to change us, give us new life, and work out our salvation. Our message is our total dependence on God. So long as that is what we’re saying and living out, then God can even use those times when we fail as a witness to others.
LikeLike
Could you please show me in the bible where it says damn, shit, fuck or any other swear word is listed ( besides the lords name in vane) that we godly people are not allowed to say? Or could it be just social norms that you are referring to .. Kind of like the godly woman and the crockpot.. Cause none of the verses you listed nor any verse I am aware of in the godly King James Version lists words that you can not say ( besides the lords name in vain) – I believe you missed the whole point of this article about breaking out of godly stereotypes. You may want to reread!
LikeLike
Eph. 5:4 “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” I believe profanity fits under the rebuke in this verse and I believe it is “out of place” for any woman of God. I creates cognitive dissonance. Plus, calling a crockpot a “d=== crockpot is not thankful. ” Col. 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” I’m trying to think of how any profanity could be considered gracious. No, the words listed are not explicitly spelled out – God gave us guidelines and principles that we could wisely apply to our walk. Yes, certain words are used in the Bible that I would find offensive – p=== & =ss. But they were culturally appropriate. Cultures change and we must be aware that certain words that were at one time acceptable no longer are, like the word qu==r. We are to live in the world, but not be of the world. God tells us to let our light shine so that they may see our good works and glorify Him. (Matt. 5:16) I try to imagine someone being impressed to glorify God while listening to me curse. Nah . . . can’t imagine it.
LikeLike
Thank you for sharing this blog post! Keep writing posts like this! It is needed in our Christian women’s world! It does take all the strength in the world to keep a marriage together! In the content, you nailed it! I would only partially agree with those offended by your use of one swear word…. only in that good writers can make their points come across very strongly without using swear words…. just food for thought. But your content was spot on, and it is so encouraging to hear others who are writing this! Blessings!
LikeLike
I do agree that this article was good up until the swearing. However, justifying the swearing and using a woman pastor who is outside of the government of God as an example further brings more into question.
“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is
right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if
there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these
things” (Phil 4:8).
What is right, honorable, pure, lovely, good, excellent, and worthy about using swear words?
Out of the abundance of a person’s heart the mouth speaks.
Women as head pastors? Not Scriptural. This is the calling of older women telling them what to teach the younger women:
Titus 2:4-5
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Paul was given by Yahshua the government of the church and he said if you did not recognize it, you would not be recognized.
1 Timothy 2:9-14
“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety….Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.”
2 Timothy 4:3-4
For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
Matthew 7:22-23
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, lord, have we not in thy name prophesied? and in thy name cast out demons? and in thy name done many mighty things? and then I will acknowledge to them, that– I never knew you, depart from me ye who are working lawlessness.”
Not everyone claiming they have authority will enter but only those in His government doing His will.
There are those who are a law unto themselves and have turned grace into licentiousness.
Jude 1:4
For certain men have crept in stealthily [ gaining entrance secretly by a side door]. Their doom was predicted long ago, ungodly (impious, profane) persons who pervert the grace (the spiritual blessing and favor) of our God into lawlessness and wantonness and immorality, and disown and deny our sole Master and Lord, Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One.”
LikeLike
Sally, I agree that women should not be head pastors (not teaching men and being subject to our husbands and so many more reasons) but I don’t see anywhere in the blog that kristin claimed she was a head pastor? I also didn’t see anywhere that Joanna said she was a head pastor. She said others were writing the same type of thing that Kristin wrote but that’s it. As for swearing, while I agree that Kristin may have used a different word to express her thought, I don’t believe that anyone is going to hell becuase she used the word “damn”. Christ is MUCH more interested in where our focus is and should be (on Him) than anythiing else. Is yours on Christ and what He can do with a post like this or is it on the one word that Kristin said that you believe derailed everything? You can’t change Kristin. If you are offended by what she has posted, don’t read it. You can change Sally. That’s it. Please prayerfully consider the damage your judgmental comments have made on others who do not have the strength or maturity to see past the obvious and grasp the spiritual.
LikeLike
Nadia Bolz-Weber was used by shetuck to defend the swearing. She was the head pastor and “example” brought forth whom reference was being made to. It is good that Krista has a heart to teach women to be Godly. We just need to make sure we are careful as to bring glory and honor to our husbands and to Christ by sticking to the Scriptures as to what our calling is as women. We are called to be servants. Krista was sharing how she learned to be a servant outside of cooking which was good in and of itself, but my concern is that we not downplay our service to our husbands in cooking simple healthy meals and being wise with our time. I love my crockpot! Don’t curse our crockpots as they are blessed crockpots that helps us faithfully serve our families and be frugal with our time. Let’s not curse or despise one to embrace the other but gladly and humbly embrace them both. It is all important. Krista, do you agree?
LikeLike
Thank you. This speaks more to me than all of the “Women’s” conferences I have been too. Shalom.
LikeLike
Thank you! I’m not married, and neither have I ever been in a long-term relationship. But I have seen fighting, giving up and divorce in my parents marriage. This lets me know that maybe there’s no perfect marriage, but with God’s strength a marriage (or anything.) in shambles is worthy of a fight and CAN be restored. Thank you.. because a great stress in my life has been contemplating how to have the impossible “perfect” marriage.. I now realize I don’t have to!! Thanks. 🙂
LikeLike
I would have to know the reason behind not crying in the face of tragedy. The idea of stoicism in that case concerns me, but I don’t know the situation. But outside of that, THANK YOU for this article. I’ve got way too much to say about it. I appreciate your honesty. This has touched me at the most crucial time. I was so immersed in that white picket fence culture for so long that when real life didn’t go “as planned”, I thought something was wrong with me. I’m learning freedom in this, albeit with baby steps. Thank you again!
LikeLike
Wonderfully written! My daughter is selecting a Christian liberal arts college to attend next year. If there were a class like you describe here at any school she was looking at, I would be so upset!
LikeLike
I just loved this article. I recently had a book published that shares my journey, and I’m thinking about adding a touch of additional sass like this to the next one as well. I’ve been a Christian all my life, but never found comfort in what some viewed as a “Christian Woman”. I never fit the mold. It took a while, but I discovered my own path, much like the one you just defined so beautifully!
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
Beautifully written! 🙂
LikeLike
Well said, Thanks.
LikeLike
Awesome, I wish I could staple this to the forehead of every woman I know! How many FB friends I’ve fought not to delete when I read their cloyingly sweet and perfect posts about their lives and how good God is! God is good ALL the time – not just when you’re drinking coffee on the veranda while meals for the next ten days cook in the oven! If it weren’t for Gods enabling strength I know I wouldn’t be here now. We must be real with God and ourselves and let others see what God can do in our weakness. I ramble – but thank you for your words. I agree with every. single. word.
– A Nana Who is Still Fighting the Fight!
LikeLike
I can’t thank you enough for writing your post. I read it over a week ago, and I find myself coming back to it over and over in my head. God truly does teach us, and meet us where we are. He presently is spoonfeeding me what He would have me learn. I have had many beautiful Godly women in my life, and I was never quite able to put my finger on why I felt they were so Godly, while knowing I wanted to be the same way but didn’t know why I didn’t feel I was a true woman of God. It’s the Proverbs passages. I never learned them, but now I understand them. He uses people to teach and bless others. You, my dear, are one such vehicle today. And I’m so glad you followed His lead and wrote your post. May He continue to bless you and your family, now and in eternity.
LikeLike
beautiful sincere words. I just posted this on our company’s Facebook page (facebook.com/sheisclothing), it came as a recommendation from one of our customers. Thank you!
LikeLike
The fact that these “Godly” women are on here judging the author for her language… says a lot! Just be loving!!! The author opened up and shared her heart with us- the readers- it is NOT our place to judge her!! I do not think God would be very impressed with you all “preaching” at her and telling her not to use bad language! Why is it soo hard for fundies to just be loving and kind??? Jesus was- and I learned all that about LOVE from a KJV bible so I am sure all of these other “Godly” women learned them too… Do not judge others!! If you did not like her language – you just should not have said anything at all…. It is NEVER our place to judge and openly tell another person that they are sinning and etc…. We all sin… The world would be a better and kinder place if we would just not JUDGE anyone!! Please just show real Christian LOVE!!!! this article was amazing and I am soo encouraged that a woman would actually write what the author did and speak the truth- many women just cover up any hardship or struggles they have within their homes… it is encouraging to others to know that they are not alone!! Thank you for writing this!!
LikeLike
Yes. And what it means to love the Truth enough to search for it, to form your life around it, to hearken to it, to honor it, HIM, with obedience. A heart for Him, that falls into HIS Arms, when we feel weak, relying on Him. He’s so kind.
LikeLike
the holy spirit just flooded the room i am in as I read this. I love that you are real. I love that you’re able to encourage and speak out of your heart without fear. Thank you so much for writing this.
LikeLike
Dear Krista, first, why do I read the comments? It must be so hard for you to read because many of them made me sick. I was going to say something completely different until I read them. Instead I just want to say thank you. Thank you for stepping out there and saying something that needed to be said. Stay strong in the Lord and listen only to him and your husband. Love m
LikeLike
I love this blog every time I read and re-read it. Thanks for being real.
LikeLike