I know, I know… God’s timing is perfect and He will give us the desires of our hearts. I’m both familiar with these truths and believe they hold true.
But that being said, REALLLLLY, tho… God is ignoring me.
…and the two pregnancy tests in my hand are proof.
Continue reading If you feel like God is ignoring you, you’re probably right.
When my marriage fell apart and I found myself drowning in depression, I had 3 people to forgive for about a trillion unforgivable things, yet they weren’t the most difficult to forgive — It was everyone else, and me.
Everyone else, because of the stupid things they would say, and worse, the things they wouldn’t.
Friends, that threw Bible verses at me like I was Satan, in hopes the scriptural fairy dust they were sprinkling over my heartache would magically make all the lies and broken vows in my marriage disappear (It didn’t.) And others, who oversimplified marriage by giving idiotic advice like, ‘Yah know, staying happily married is all about ‘balance’ and ‘continuing to date each other.‘….all while I stood in the wreckage left of my marriage that had just obliterated for reasons much more severe than that.
Balance?!?! I mean, what does that even mean?!?! I realize balance is good, for instance, when decorating bookshelves or when trying to not eat too much sugar, and that dating each other is ideal if, say, you want to eat your way through all the sushi joints in town. But for me, having a happy marriage had nothing to do with either of those things at the time… I NEEDED MY HUSBAND TO STOP LOOKING AT PORN! (balance and dating each other, my @$$!)
But then there was me to forgive. Arguably, the most difficult person for me to stomach at the time…
Continue reading On forgiveness, hating yourself, and God’s most favored gift
I’ve spent 29 years of my life asking God why I was put on this earth, and the last few, telling Him all the reasons why I couldn’t possibly do it.
I’ve contemplated making a run from God’s call on my life, too many times to count. Much like all the times I hid in the bathroom to escape gym class in Elementary School.
I just couldn’t do it. I missed kickball tournaments, field days, and square dancing. All because I was too afraid of what my peers would say, of how athletically incompetent I might prove myself to be, when inevitably, some sphere of death would be hurled unmercifully in my direction. (I’m also, legit, afraid of balls. But that’s another story for another time.)
So there I stayed, in the bathroom, nearly every day, studying the barely legible choice words that were littering the lavatory walls I had locked myself in, while the shouts of my classmates echoed from the gym.
Though I rarely hide in bathroom stalls anymore (praise!) I realized this week, the reason I most often feel like running from what God is asking me to do, is still the same as it was while cowering on the commode all those years ago:
I was, and still am, debilitating afraid of the critic.
Continue reading In the face of everything that is threatening to tear you down — keep standing