I’ll start by saying this, I hate this season of my life. Like for real, I’m not a fan. Have I been through worse? So much worse. But make no mistake, this season I’m currently walking through is no freaking cake walk and it’s testing me in ways that make me want to rip my face off. (sorry that got violent real fast… clearly, we’re off to a great start.)
It seems like everything in my life is uncertain. (And just when I’m certain of that level of uncertainty, the bottom falls out on yet another thing, making my already teetering existence all that more unsteady.)
In this cycle of never-ending uncertainty, I can’t see what God is doing in my life, and even scarier, I don’t understand His heart in doing it. God feels far, and at the core, I feel forgotten and because of that, anxiety has crept its way back into my spirit, and on my worst days, has led me to a strangely dark place.
I don’t know what’s going on in your world; what has you hurting so deeply or searching so furiously for anything that might offer you hope in this season. I don’t know the chain of events that unfolded that have made happiness feel so far from you (and God’s presence even farther) nor do I know what caused joy to move out of your spirit and why anxiety now resides in its place. (I can’t even fully pinpoint when it happened to me.)
All I know is just as I was entering this trying & terribly confusing season, God made me a promise. — And today I want to speak that same promise over you and over whatever is threatening to steal your joy in the present & rob you of any hope you have for the future.
It’s only 5 words…
“You will resume your singing.” – God
It doesn’t sound like much, but these words, spoken by God in Jeremiah 31:4, have kept me going since September.
In this verse, God is promising that (one day) our happiness will resume, our faith in Him will be restored, and our joy will return. Not only that, but He’s acknowledging that He knew they would come to a halt in the present.
God knew this season of our lives would rattle us, tire us, and frustrate the hell out of us. And that because of the unforeseeable event that barged onto the scene and messed up all of our best laid plans, and the doors that keep-freaking-slamming-shut in our faces, that He knew our praises would pause, His love for us would get murky, and that our joy might take a brief intermission (or in my case a full-blown hiatus.)
It comforts me knowing that God doesn’t look down on us for that, He expects it.
He expects the ‘God, I don’t see you in this’ days, the ‘I don’t know if You can really be trusted’ seasons, and the ‘I can’t hang on much longer’ moments. — And we’re not the first to experience them.
In the Bible, we see a man named David walking through a similar season (one he fittingly describes as a ‘parched and weary land where there is no water’ which, HELLLLLO is the single best description of this season of my life rn. David, you get me…)
David had seen God do incredible things in the past but admits to God feeling painfully distant from him in the present, and in Psalm 63:1 we find him crying out to God with these words, “O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; My whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.”
I don’t know about you but David’s words echo my own frustrations, the same ones littering nearly every page of my journal, Where are you, God? Was THIS really part of your plan? I’ve been looking for you tirelessly & waiting for you endlessly yet still, there’s no relief or end in sight. How much longer until you come, until you show up and set things right?
Like David, we want to know what God is doing and why it’s taking Him so long. We want to know where He’s leading us, whether it will be worth it, and we’d give just about anything to know how the story will end. (David tells us how the story will end…)
Psalm 63 ends with these words, a powerful promise for those of us who are clinging to God in a torturously fatiguing or uncertain season:
Don’t miss this...it’s sneaky good…
“…All who trust in Him will praise Him…” (Psalm 63:11)
You want to know how your story will end, or where this treacherous path you are currently walking will lead? If you keep trusting God, you will praise Him. If you continue to wait for Him, you will find Him. If you lean on Him, you will withstand this.
In this season of our lives that feels like a ‘dry and parched land where there is no water’ if we keep saying ‘yes’, if we keep doing what He’s asking us to do even though it doesn’t make any sense, if we keep inching forward, one (hesitant) step in front of the other, He will lead us out of this great unknown and to a destination that is to be desired.
We will sing God’s praises again, He guarantees it. — praises of His deliverance and His healing, His perfect plan and His unrelenting love (no matter how impossibly far they feel from us today.)
“This won’t be for forever,” God is promising to you and to me, “you will see My goodness and favor wash over you again. I’m not finished, the curtain hasn’t closed on your story just yet. Stay the course no matter how exhausting or confusing the path, it’s not for nothing and it won’t be a dead-end. I have good things, incredible things, awaiting you in the future — they are closer than you think & too wonderful for you to understand.”
“If you keep putting your trust in Me, I’ll give you a reason to praise Me again, louder than you ever have before…
You will resume your singing.”
Krista Ortiz 
Hey Krista, thanks for this. I love the way you said that you don’t understand God’s heart on this. That is what gets me when we go through these seasons! It’s so hard to understand the motive and the heart and sometimes it seems so counterproductive to our faith!
Nevertheless, he does always bring us through and out to the better side of things, but we come out scorched and quite fragile, to tell the truth.
I hope your breakthrough is coming soon.
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It’s true, isn’t it? But you are right, God always brings us through. He hasn’t failed me once. Thank you, Debbie, for believing with me for breakthrough!
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Love your writings Krista! I’ve been following you for a few years now and I’m always blessed when I read what you write ❤️ THANK YOU and God bless you in this hard season ! I’ve been in a long and hard season too but I know we WILL resume our signing sister !
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Thank you, Citlali! Praying for you in your long and hard season! YES — We WILL resume our singing, believing that with you!
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Thank you for this! I have felt like this for so so long now and I’m still waiting which is awful. I hate waiting and God keeps testing me. But your words and God’s message through you encourage me. It’s funny because even though I’m stuck, I can always point my kids to God and His teaching even when I don’t feel it for myself. I look forward to singing again for me and not just others.
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Gosh, I totally understand that. My husband and I are starting a church and its similar in the sense that you are constantly pointing people to God’s goodness and that He can be trusted, all while still clinging to Him and having to believe it for yourself haha! That being said, I love the point you made about looking forward to singing, not just for us but for others! SO powerful. Imagine the stories we will be able to tell and the facets of Him that we never knew existed until this season. So many can and will be blessed!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me!
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Punch to the gut. This is me, since December 21st, 2018. I know I will have a breakthrough, but for now it sucks. Thanks for the encouraging words.
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I am so glad it encouraged you! I’m with you, waiting for breakthrough is brutal. I look forward to the day where this season is behind us and even more, that we understand why it had to be this way. Praying for your breakthrough as I type!
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Krista – I am so happy you’re back! Your writings are a blessing to everyone who reads them. For REAL! Praying for you and your beautiful family🙏🏼
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Thank you, Cindy! Your prayers and kind words mean so much to me! Thanks for reaching out.
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Krista,
Amazing. I can so often be here and not have joy. Some of these words from this song always bring me to tears. When I read these words I know how much God loves me and keeps protecting me. Even when I’m not probably not worthy. This song always helps me sing. Miss you and your smile. ❤️ Diane
‘Reckless Love’
Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so, so kind to me
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights ’til I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, and I don’t deserve it, still, You give Yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God, yeah
When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me
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Oh, yes. I have wept through that song on many occasions…So beautiful. I love that you said “this song helps me sing” that’s what worship does, huh? Helps us remember and recall His goodness and His past faithfulness, even when we can’t grasp it in the present. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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I so enjoy your writing! You are realer than real! Thank you for continuing to be vulnerable, so us readers can say “me too”! Hard seasons suck! Sometimes I feel like it’s God’s way of putting us on hold…. and it’s frustrating because we are impatient, we want answers, and we want to move forward! At our own breakneck speed! Alas, he calls us to slow down and wait. I was struck a few weeks ago by the thought that God wants a relationship with us more than he wants actions from us. Gulp! So I lift you up in this uncertain time, and continue to thank God that He is in control of our lives. Someone much more wise than us should be! 🙂
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Right? Ha… I felt God tell me a few days ago, “If I can take care of the earth, I can take care of you.” Creation always reminds me that maybe, just maybe, He (kind of) knows what He’s doing. lol. Thank you, Sylvie, for your prayers, your thoughts, and your encouragement. It means so much to me!
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Krista- I don’t know if you remember me or not. My last name has changed. I just read through your blog posts and am so very proud of you! I love your courageous spirit!! I will be praying for you and your family and the amazing work you are doing. Feel free to PM me on Facebook.
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