I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I have no idea what my life will look like a week from now… a month from now… heck, don’t get me started on a year from now!
Even still, I mean it when I say this, never in my life have I ever been more certain of this: that smack dab in the middle of this uncertainty is exactly where God wants me to be.
(But that’s about all I’m certain of these days.)
Continue reading The only thing I am certain of (and it’s not a whole lot)
Your life is wrong. You’re all alone… a reject. You, are useless.
Those are the words I’ve been hearing over these last few weeks. Oftentimes so clear, it nearly stops me in my tracks.
To be honest, it’s why I haven’t written these past couple weeks. (Sigh* I’m sorry about that, friends.)
But I’ve made the decision to write, given the chance that some of you reading have felt the same sting of words this week. Cruel words, that have left you defeated and questioning if what you are doing will ever work. Haunting and hurtful words, that follow you everywhere and have you wondering if they are true (and if they’re not, then what is?)
If that’s you today, I’m here to tell you two things: The voice that is belittling you isn’t God… And you’re NOT what you are hearing.
Continue reading You’re NOT what you are hearing
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had THE WORST attitude for the last 7+ days. Just ask my husband.
I don’t know if it was the 31 days I spent alone with a puppy and a preschooler, or the move we just made to New York City, or the fact that we are currently living in a one bedroom apartment with nothing more than two air mattresses and a makeshift table made from an Amazon Prime box. But I’ve been a snappy, dare I say, b*tchy, ball of anxiety — And God put me in my place about it yesterday.
To be honest, I’ve been kind of avoiding my Bible this week. Sure, you could say I was busy, that I had ‘valid excuses’ with moving and all, but I could feel God nudging me to spend some time with Him, promising that if I did, I might find some relief or even better, an attitude change. But each time I turned Him away.
….But then last week happened.
Continue reading What has you acting so desperate?
We’re moving to NYC this weekend. And as I was packing, I was reminded of one of the most profound memories I have while living in South Carolina — the day God told me, that one day, I was going to thank Him for my suffering.
(And He was right.)
You’re going to thank Him for yours as well…
Continue reading You’re going to say thanks for the suffering
Confession: This week I almost gave up – literally, the day before – God was about to provide exactly what I’ve been so desperately praying for.
I’ve probably written about a million different things that I’ve needed God to do on this blog, but this week we desperately needed God to give us a New York City Apartment.
I don’t say this lightly, finding an apartment in Manhattan is among the Top 5 Most Stressful Things We’ve Done, to date. And for those of you who’ve followed my blog for a while, you know we ain’t weak sauce around here — We’ve survived marital dysfunction, mental illness, and a mice infestation to name a few! And yet, finding a Manhattan apartment cripples me and makes me cry every single time.
But I’m not the only one who has needed something specific from God this week. Maybe for you, finding an apartment in the heart of NYC would be a cakewalk considering what you’re up against today, and that desperate need of yours has been at the forefront of your mind all week.
Understand, that no matter how big or small what we need from God is: 1. God will do what He promised (He always does!) but, 2. Randomly awful and chaotic things will happen while we wait (they always do!)
— and the closer you get to the pay off, the more crazy it will be!
Continue reading On the Day Before Your Deliverance
I’ve lived in many cities in my life, but there’s only one I’ll likely never return to and that’s Anderson, SC.
In fact, the only thing more shocking than us moving back to NYC, is that we ever left and moved to Anderson in the first place!
After all, it was only three years ago that my life fell apart while living in NYC. It’s only been since 2014, that the words, I just don’t want this to be my life anymore, was the only response I could find whenever someone asked how they could be praying for me.
And I meant it — it was the only plausible way out of the mess that had become my life and my marriage, that the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth would have enough pity on me to slip me a get out of jail free card under the table. Or better yet, allow me to exchange my life for a new one!
…And really, that’s what God ended up doing when He moved my family to South Carolina! It was as if God plucked us from our million mph life in NYC, and Hunger-Games-hovercraft-style dropped us off in the small, borderline pulseless, town of Anderson, South Carolina.
… a pulseless, but perfect place to rebuild a family.
And that’s exactly what God did while we lived here these last two years.
Continue reading A Love Letter to the City We Will Never Return to
As I’m writing this, I’m hoping I’m not the only one who has cried faithless tears this week. That I’m not the only one so afraid of what God is asking me to do, that for a moment I entertained the thought of what it might be like to run from my destiny.
But that’s not how my week started… In fact, the week began with praise on the tips of our tongues.
- God sold our house in just under two weeks ( Whaaaaaat?!?! Amazing. )
- My husband started his new job that God miraculously dropped in his lap. (Equally amazing.)
And though my husband and I are currently living in two different states (him in New York until we find an apartment and me in South Carolina until we get everything situated with the house) we spent the better part of the week celebrating the miraculous steps God has orchestrated to get us to NYC to do what He has called us to do, and start a church in the city that scares me.
But then I began to doubt… well, everything.
All it took was eleven words. Eleven words for my faith to completely unravel this week.
Continue reading When You’re Considering Running From Your Destiny
In the last couple months I’ve told you all about the miracles I’m believing for this year, but this week God asked that those miracles not be just limited to me — He’s asking that I believe for the miracle it would be for some of the most hopelessly broken and difficult people I know to be transformed by the power of Jesus. (They need to be. )
But it all starts with loving them the way my daughter loves the sunrise.
Elated she bolts into my room every morning, barreling through the door and hurling herself into the my bathroom at dawn’s break.
“Mommy, come herrrrrrrreeee! Quick! You’re going to miss it!!!” my five-year old shouts out like clockwork.
And there I find her everyday, perched atop the bathtub as she watches another day be ushered in by the sunrise that paints the sky. Some days there’s more of a sunrise to celebrate than others, but every day she wakes up expectant of what God could do. She’ll do it again tomorrow, and the next day.
And it’s challenging me in all sorts of ways.
Continue reading I Want to Love People the Way She Loves the Sunrise
We held each other one last time before heading to the airport. And between tickles and giggles under the covers, we felt the weight of one thought: we need God to do the impossible. Our life, quite literally, hangs in the balance if He doesn’t.
By the time this posts, my husband will have officially begun working in New York City so that ultimately, we can do the impossible and start a church in the city that scares me. A church with no budget and no team (yet.) …and located in one of the most expensive cities in the nation. And all Because God told us to.
I’ve always prided myself in being a level-headed, logical woman, but its obvious all logic has been thrown out the window in the name of Jesus at this point. And I’d been lying if I said the weight of what God is asking us to do doesn’t wash over me so intensely sometimes, that it nearly takes my breath away.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe as you are reading you too, are up against the impossible and currently living a life with no back up plans and no guard rails — A terrifying combination.
If that’s you today, I want to challenge you to do one thing; one thing that will sound as simple, as it will feel impossible…
…Today God told me to tell you, He wants you to take Him at His word.
Continue reading Do you need God to do the impossible?
This isn’t the blog post I was expecting to write this week, and there are three other drafts floating around my desktop as proof.
Originally, I was planning on telling you that in spite of how God blessed us last month, there are still so many questions we still don’t have answers to, so many more miracles my family needs.
I was going to tell you:
- How we’re selling our beautiful home in South Carolina, only to put what feels like a trillion dollars (we currently don’t have) down on a one bedroom apartment in NYC that is double the cost of our mortgage and might not have windows in it. #TrueStory …and in the next two weeks… No pressure.
- How it’s uncertain if we’ll be able to bring our dog, a dining room table, or if we’ll even have room for our bed in NYC. (I’m not kidding.)
- How in the last week, the reality of all the above made me cry in the kitchen in the arms of my husband, snap at my daughter, and consume more ice-cream then I care to admit. (There are 5 tubs in the freezer.)
It’s all so overwhelming, I told God over and over this week.
And God’s response? Well, it wasn’t what I expected…
He said, It’s time to shut up about it, Krista…
Continue reading When God tells you it’s time to shut up about it