You’re going to say thanks for the suffering

We’re moving to NYC this weekend. And as I was packing, I was reminded of one of the most profound memories I have while living in South Carolina — the day God told me, that one day, I was going to thank Him for my suffering.

(And He was right.)

You’re going to thank Him for yours as well… 

Continue reading You’re going to say thanks for the suffering

On the Day Before Your Deliverance

Confession: This week I almost gave up – literally, the day before – God was about to provide exactly what I’ve been so desperately praying for.

I’ve probably written about a million different things that I’ve needed God to do on this blog, but this week we desperately needed God to give us a New York City Apartment.

I don’t say this lightly, finding an apartment in Manhattan is among the Top 5 Most Stressful Things We’ve Done, to date. And for those of you who’ve followed my blog for a while, you know we ain’t weak sauce around here — We’ve survived marital dysfunction, mental illness, and a mice infestation to name a few! And yet, finding a Manhattan apartment cripples me and makes me cry every single time.

But I’m not the only one who has needed something specific from God this week. Maybe for you, finding an apartment in the heart of NYC would be a cakewalk considering what you’re up against today, and that desperate need of yours has been at the forefront of your mind all week.

Understand, that no matter how big or small what we need from God is:  1. God will do what He promised (He always does!) but, 2. Randomly awful and chaotic things will happen while we wait (they always do!)

— and the closer you get to the pay off, the more crazy it will be!

Continue reading On the Day Before Your Deliverance

A Love Letter to the City We Will Never Return to

 

I’ve lived in many cities in my life, but there’s only one I’ll likely never return to and that’s Anderson, SC.

In fact, the only thing more shocking than us moving back to NYC, is that we ever left and moved to Anderson in the first place!

After all, it was only three years ago that my life fell apart while living in NYC. It’s only been since 2014, that the words, I just don’t want this to be my life anymore, was the only response I could find whenever someone asked how they could be praying for me.

And I meant it — it was the only plausible way out of the mess that had become my life and my marriage, that the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth would have enough pity on me to slip me a get out of jail free card under the table. Or better yet, allow me to exchange my life for a new one!

…And really, that’s what God ended up doing when He moved my family to South Carolina! It was as if God plucked us from our million mph life in NYC, and Hunger-Games-hovercraft-style dropped us off in the small, borderline pulseless, town of Anderson, South Carolina.

… a pulseless, but perfect place to rebuild a family.

And that’s exactly what God did while we lived here these last two years.

Continue reading A Love Letter to the City We Will Never Return to

When You’re Considering Running From Your Destiny

As I’m writing this, I’m hoping I’m not the only one who has cried faithless tears this week. That I’m not the only one so afraid of what God is asking me to do, that for a moment I entertained the thought of what it might be like to run from my destiny.

But that’s not how my week started… In fact, the week began with praise on the tips of our tongues.

  • God sold our house in just under two weeks ( Whaaaaaat?!?! Amazing. )
  • My husband started his new job that God miraculously dropped in his lap. (Equally amazing.)

And though my husband and I are currently living in two different states (him in New York until we find an apartment and me in South Carolina until we get everything situated with the house) we spent the better part of the week celebrating the miraculous steps God has orchestrated to get us to NYC to do what He has called us to do, and start a church in the city that scares me.

But then I began to doubt… well, everything.

All it took was eleven words. Eleven words for my faith to completely unravel this week.

Continue reading When You’re Considering Running From Your Destiny

I Want to Love People the Way She Loves the Sunrise

In the last couple months I’ve told you all about the miracles I’m believing for this year, but this week God asked that those miracles not be just limited to me  — He’s asking that I believe for the miracle it would be for some of the most hopelessly broken and difficult people I know to be transformed by the power of Jesus. (They need to be. )

But it all starts with loving them the way my daughter loves the sunrise.


Elated she bolts into my room every morning, barreling through the door and hurling herself into the my bathroom at dawn’s break.

“Mommy, come herrrrrrrreeee! Quick! You’re going to miss it!!!” my five-year old shouts out like clockwork.

And there I find her everyday, perched atop the bathtub as she watches another day be ushered in by the sunrise that paints the sky. Some days there’s more of a sunrise to celebrate than others, but every day she wakes up expectant of what God could do. She’ll do it again tomorrow, and the next day.

And it’s challenging me in all sorts of ways.

Continue reading I Want to Love People the Way She Loves the Sunrise

Do you need God to do the impossible?

We held each other one last time before heading to the airport. And between tickles and giggles under the covers, we felt the weight of one thought: we need God to do the impossible. Our life, quite literally, hangs in the balance if He doesn’t.

By the time this posts, my husband will have officially begun working in New York City so that ultimately, we can do the impossible and start a church in the city that scares me. A church with no budget and no team (yet.) …and located in one of the most expensive cities in the nation. And all Because God told us to.

I’ve always prided myself in being a level-headed, logical woman, but its obvious all logic has been thrown out the window in the name of Jesus at this point. And I’d been lying if I said the weight of what God is asking us to do doesn’t wash over me so intensely sometimes, that it nearly takes my breath away.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe as you are reading you too, are up against the impossible and currently living a life with no back up plans and no guard rails — A terrifying combination.

If that’s you today, I want to challenge you to do one thing; one thing that will sound as simple, as it will feel impossible…

…Today God told me to tell you, He wants you to take Him at His word.

Continue reading Do you need God to do the impossible?

When God tells you it’s time to shut up about it

This isn’t the blog post I was expecting to write this week, and there are three other drafts floating around my desktop as proof.

Originally, I was planning on telling you that in spite of how God blessed us last month, there are still so many questions we still don’t have answers to, so many more miracles my family needs.

I was going to tell you:

  • How we’re selling our beautiful home in South Carolina, only to put what feels like a trillion dollars (we currently don’t have) down on a one bedroom apartment in NYC that is double the cost of our mortgage and might not have windows in it. #TrueStory …and in the next two weeks… No pressure. 
  • How it’s uncertain if we’ll be able to bring our dog, a dining room table, or if we’ll even have room for our bed in NYC. (I’m not kidding.)
  • How in the last week, the reality of all the above made me cry in the kitchen in the arms of my husband, snap at my daughter, and consume more ice-cream then I care to admit. (There are 5 tubs in the freezer.)

It’s all so overwhelming, I told God over and over this week.

And God’s response? Well, it wasn’t what I expected…

He said, It’s time to shut up about it, Krista…

Continue reading When God tells you it’s time to shut up about it

On the day my baby (would have) been born

Today would’ve been the due date of my second child.

And while I could dwell on the could-have-beens or the should-have-beens, I’ve cried enough tears over that these last 9 months.

Today, on the day my baby would’ve been born, I’ve chosen instead to reflect on the promise God made me. (It’s the same promise God is making to you, no matter what dream of yours has seemingly died.)

It all started when God came to me in a dream…

Continue reading On the day my baby (would have) been born

Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

( I CANNOT WAIT to tell you how God blew our minds this week! But first, if you haven’t had the chance to read last week’s post that’s probably a good place to start, or this might not make very much sense. Now, a little ‘story time’ if you will. Gather around, friends… God is the coolest. )

Three separate times we have tried for another baby.

And three separate times God has said, no. 

Inevitably every time I say that, someone comments, “God’s not saying, no, Krista, He’s just saying, not right now“…And inevitably, that person always seems to have a trillion beautiful babies. Go figure. And while I appreciate the kindness, I do… I gotta be honest, it reeeeeally feels like God is saying, no. (Just, no. With an exclamation mark. And a punch in the face.)

Yet each time God shuts down our attempts at having another child, He always succeeds in getting me to a place where I thank Him for not giving me what (I thought) I wanted.

For example, the first time we were trying for a baby we were living on the west coast, with no inkling of the whirlwind that was around the corner.

We’d been anxiously awaiting two red lines to display on a pregnancy test for going on 7 months at that point, when all of a sudden I felt God telling us to stop. I’m not going to lie, it was strange. Even stranger, when I mentioned it to my husband he agreed.

… Months later, God surprised us by uprooting our family (and with it, all normalcy) to move us from suburbia to New York City! I’ll never forget the day I literally got on my knees and thanked The Lord for not giving me the baby (I thought) I wanted.  — I wouldn’t have survived NYC if He had!

The second time was a couple of years later, after I’d gained my footing in NYC (and after I had stopped having panic attacks from all the masses of people and fecal matter on any given subway.)

I was certain I was ready to have another kid…

…and then two weeks later, my marriage completely fell apart.

Again, Hallelujah, and thank you, Jesus, for not giving me what I thought I wanted.

The third and last time we started trying to have another child, was this last year. I could think of no better time to have a baby, and I told God that. Our marriage had been rebuilt, another picturesque house had been bought, all the debt had been paid off, and we were YEEEEARS from moving back to NYC to start a church (or so we thought.)

But again, like clockwork, I felt God telling me it wasn’t the right time …

I remember the exact place we were driving along the highway when I told my husband that I feared that would be the case (not realizing at the time, I was already 6 weeks pregnant…With a baby we would lose just weeks later…)

 I was right, God was saying, no… (yet, again.)

But just like every time preceding it, God had a reason. And this time, it was a BIG ONE!

Continue reading Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

What would God say the morning before the $#*% hit the fan?

 

Last summer, my life was the picture of stability — we had just bought a house, and every picture frame and throw pillow was in its place. Our schedules were filled with the usual business trips and dentist appointments, and we were expecting another child.

…And then within a month, everything went from steady and stable, to a rickety, nausea-inducing carnival ride that seemed to plummet off the rails.

( The only thing leaving me more shaken than the actual turn of events, was what God had said the morning before they unfolded…)

Continue reading What would God say the morning before the $#*% hit the fan?