When You’re Considering Running From Your Destiny

As I’m writing this, I’m hoping I’m not the only one who has cried faithless tears this week. That I’m not the only one so afraid of what God is asking me to do, that for a moment I entertained the thought of what it might be like to run from my destiny.

But that’s not how my week started… In fact, the week began with praise on the tips of our tongues.

  • God sold our house in just under two weeks ( Whaaaaaat?!?! Amazing. )
  • My husband started his new job that God miraculously dropped in his lap. (Equally amazing.)

And though my husband and I are currently living in two different states (him in New York until we find an apartment and me in South Carolina until we get everything situated with the house) we spent the better part of the week celebrating the miraculous steps God has orchestrated to get us to NYC to do what He has called us to do, and start a church in the city that scares me.

But then I began to doubt… well, everything.

All it took was eleven words. Eleven words for my faith to completely unravel this week.

Continue reading When You’re Considering Running From Your Destiny

I Want to Love People the Way She Loves the Sunrise

In the last couple months I’ve told you all about the miracles I’m believing for this year, but this week God asked that those miracles not be just limited to me  — He’s asking that I believe for the miracle it would be for some of the most hopelessly broken and difficult people I know to be transformed by the power of Jesus. (They need to be. )

But it all starts with loving them the way my daughter loves the sunrise.


Elated she bolts into my room every morning, barreling through the door and hurling herself into the my bathroom at dawn’s break.

“Mommy, come herrrrrrrreeee! Quick! You’re going to miss it!!!” my five-year old shouts out like clockwork.

And there I find her everyday, perched atop the bathtub as she watches another day be ushered in by the sunrise that paints the sky. Some days there’s more of a sunrise to celebrate than others, but every day she wakes up expectant of what God could do. She’ll do it again tomorrow, and the next day.

And it’s challenging me in all sorts of ways.

Continue reading I Want to Love People the Way She Loves the Sunrise

Do you need God to do the impossible?

We held each other one last time before heading to the airport. And between tickles and giggles under the covers, we felt the weight of one thought: we need God to do the impossible. Our life, quite literally, hangs in the balance if He doesn’t.

By the time this posts, my husband will have officially begun working in New York City so that ultimately, we can do the impossible and start a church in the city that scares me. A church with no budget and no team (yet.) …and located in one of the most expensive cities in the nation. And all Because God told us to.

I’ve always prided myself in being a level-headed, logical woman, but its obvious all logic has been thrown out the window in the name of Jesus at this point. And I’d been lying if I said the weight of what God is asking us to do doesn’t wash over me so intensely sometimes, that it nearly takes my breath away.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe as you are reading you too, are up against the impossible and currently living a life with no back up plans and no guard rails — A terrifying combination.

If that’s you today, I want to challenge you to do one thing; one thing that will sound as simple, as it will feel impossible…

…Today God told me to tell you, He wants you to take Him at His word.

Continue reading Do you need God to do the impossible?

When God tells you it’s time to shut up about it

This isn’t the blog post I was expecting to write this week, and there are three other drafts floating around my desktop as proof.

Originally, I was planning on telling you that in spite of how God blessed us last month, there are still so many questions we still don’t have answers to, so many more miracles my family needs.

I was going to tell you:

  • How we’re selling our beautiful home in South Carolina, only to put what feels like a trillion dollars (we currently don’t have) down on a one bedroom apartment in NYC that is double the cost of our mortgage and might not have windows in it. #TrueStory …and in the next two weeks… No pressure. 
  • How it’s uncertain if we’ll be able to bring our dog, a dining room table, or if we’ll even have room for our bed in NYC. (I’m not kidding.)
  • How in the last week, the reality of all the above made me cry in the kitchen in the arms of my husband, snap at my daughter, and consume more ice-cream then I care to admit. (There are 5 tubs in the freezer.)

It’s all so overwhelming, I told God over and over this week.

And God’s response? Well, it wasn’t what I expected…

He said, It’s time to shut up about it, Krista…

Continue reading When God tells you it’s time to shut up about it

On the day my baby (would have) been born

Today would’ve been the due date of my second child.

And while I could dwell on the could-have-beens or the should-have-beens, I’ve cried enough tears over that these last 9 months.

Today, on the day my baby would’ve been born, I’ve chosen instead to reflect on the promise God made me. (It’s the same promise God is making to you, no matter what dream of yours has seemingly died.)

It all started when God came to me in a dream…

Continue reading On the day my baby (would have) been born

Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

( I CANNOT WAIT to tell you how God blew our minds this week! But first, if you haven’t had the chance to read last week’s post that’s probably a good place to start, or this might not make very much sense. Now, a little ‘story time’ if you will. Gather around, friends… God is the coolest. )

Three separate times we have tried for another baby.

And three separate times God has said, no. 

Inevitably every time I say that, someone comments, “God’s not saying, no, Krista, He’s just saying, not right now“…And inevitably, that person always seems to have a trillion beautiful babies. Go figure. And while I appreciate the kindness, I do… I gotta be honest, it reeeeeally feels like God is saying, no. (Just, no. With an exclamation mark. And a punch in the face.)

Yet each time God shuts down our attempts at having another child, He always succeeds in getting me to a place where I thank Him for not giving me what (I thought) I wanted.

For example, the first time we were trying for a baby we were living on the west coast, with no inkling of the whirlwind that was around the corner.

We’d been anxiously awaiting two red lines to display on a pregnancy test for going on 7 months at that point, when all of a sudden I felt God telling us to stop. I’m not going to lie, it was strange. Even stranger, when I mentioned it to my husband he agreed.

… Months later, God surprised us by uprooting our family (and with it, all normalcy) to move us from suburbia to New York City! I’ll never forget the day I literally got on my knees and thanked The Lord for not giving me the baby (I thought) I wanted.  — I wouldn’t have survived NYC if He had!

The second time was a couple of years later, after I’d gained my footing in NYC (and after I had stopped having panic attacks from all the masses of people and fecal matter on any given subway.)

I was certain I was ready to have another kid…

…and then two weeks later, my marriage completely fell apart.

Again, Hallelujah, and thank you, Jesus, for not giving me what I thought I wanted.

The third and last time we started trying to have another child, was this last year. I could think of no better time to have a baby, and I told God that. Our marriage had been rebuilt, another picturesque house had been bought, all the debt had been paid off, and we were YEEEEARS from moving back to NYC to start a church (or so we thought.)

But again, like clockwork, I felt God telling me it wasn’t the right time …

I remember the exact place we were driving along the highway when I told my husband that I feared that would be the case (not realizing at the time, I was already 6 weeks pregnant…With a baby we would lose just weeks later…)

 I was right, God was saying, no… (yet, again.)

But just like every time preceding it, God had a reason. And this time, it was a BIG ONE!

Continue reading Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

What would God say the morning before the $#*% hit the fan?

 

Last summer, my life was the picture of stability — we had just bought a house, and every picture frame and throw pillow was in its place. Our schedules were filled with the usual business trips and dentist appointments, and we were expecting another child.

…And then within a month, everything went from steady and stable, to a rickety, nausea-inducing carnival ride that seemed to plummet off the rails.

( The only thing leaving me more shaken than the actual turn of events, was what God had said the morning before they unfolded…)

Continue reading What would God say the morning before the $#*% hit the fan?

You’re not asking enough from God

 

30 days ago, I was on the other side of the world traveling with my family through five different countries for five weeks.

In France, we ate our body weight in meat and cheese. In Belgium, we did the same with beer and chocolate, and in England we ate the traditional Sunday roast dinner, complete with Yorkshire pudding.

But without a doubt, most enjoyable was: everywhere we went, and no matter who we were with and what we were eating, we were exchanging stories between bites, of all the amazing things we had seen God do in our lives.

There wasn’t a night we went to bed before 1 am, or where we laid our heads down to sleep without thinking to ourselves, Woah, God… you are amazing, after all the stories we heard and shared each night.

And God’s response… (well, to be honest, it surprised me)

He said, “…You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Continue reading You’re not asking enough from God

I pray your heart breaks like THIS in 2017

My heart has broken a handful of different ways in the last five years, each one rocking my world and transforming my heart in its own uniquely difficult way. But this year, my heart broke in a way unlike any other.

It all started when God asked me to have another child.

Continue reading I pray your heart breaks like THIS in 2017

I’m giving in to God… (An announcement to my readers)

This isn’t the first time God has asked me to do something a little crazy.

There was the time He asked me to give up my idyllic life in suburbia to move to NYC… Twice. There was the time my marriage imploded and God asked me to stay with husband, and another time, when God prompted me to give – literally every cent I had – to the church. Possibly even crazier, is that God had asked me to write through it all on this blog!

In the last three years, I have written through the darkest days of depression, and when divorce seemed inevitable. I’ve lost a baby on this blog, and have written about my tumultuous relationship with my father. I’ve even written extensively about porn! (joy.)

But now, God is asking me to do something that challenges me even further, and to my very core:

….To write a blog post every week for a year.

Continue reading I’m giving in to God… (An announcement to my readers)