I realize that this post may offend certain people: Good people, people who I’d probably really get along with otherwise…
But for the record, I am not sorry.
Last week’s post Worthy of Rubies was me, buttoned up in my ‘Sunday’s best’ and smiling pretty. But over the last couple of days a fire has come over me and I can’t keep silent.
You see, I hate when women stand before other women and use their platform to hide behind facades of ideal marriages, perfect specimens of children and strong opinions on the likes of breastfeeding, vaccines, and church politics…
I cringe when the Kim Kardashian’s of the world pose half-naked in an attempt to prove that they’re still sexy, when any ‘real mom’ feels like anything but! When friends on Facebook post statuses like “ …Made 6 loaves of banana bread, ran 12.8 miles, fed the homeless, and saved a cat, and was still able to get home in time to make homemade apricot pork loin and apple crisp for dinner tonight,” while the rest of us are left wondering how we even made it out of our pajamas today?!?
I don’t know when being sexy and domestically superior made us more of a woman, but let me challenge you with what I believe is the #1 misconception of a godly woman…
Years ago, I took a class in bible college that still to this day gets my blood boiling. It was a class called Christian Womanhood.
Three times a week hundreds of college freshman ladies piled into the auditorium, and who if they were anything like me, anticipated by the name of the class ‘Christian Womanhood’ that we would come to understand what it truly meant to become the godly woman the Lord desires for us to be.
Most of the girls attending the class would one day go on to become pastor wives, missionaries, and christian school teachers. Women who would have the potential to impact other women, communities and the World in POWERFUL ways!
And yet, THIS is what we learned…
– How to execute a wedding. Complete with rehearsing a mock wedding in which each of my peers played a ‘part.’ I however, sat in the audience (on the groom’s side if you want to be specific) uninterested, and unapologetic …I mean, seriously?
– The importance of making dinner for our families each night, and pointed out the convenience of using a crock pot. …Yep, it happened.
– Why we must only read the King James Version of the Bible. But I have no notes on that lesson, because unashamedly, I tuned that one out!
It was also in this class that we did an in-depth study of Proverbs 31 in the Bible. Which wasn’t bad per se, but due to all of the above (and the fact that I actually paid for this nonsense of a class!) I don’t think it would surprise anyone to know that still to this day, I have a physical aversion to any of the topics covered in that class, including the beloved Proverbs 31 woman!
Interestingly enough though, my husband came to me last week and asked me to write a devotion for our church on you guessed it – Proverbs 31! And in all honesty I fought it HARD, as if to completely downplay the significance of it in the Bible.
And yet as I pored over the chapter myself, I realized something I had never seen before, something I can assure you was NEVER taught in my class all those years ago:
Who can find a capable wife?… She is energetic and STRONG… She has NO FEAR of winter… She is clothed with STRENGTH…
Proverbs 31:10, 17, 21, 25
The Proverbs 31 woman is a lot of things- domestic and lovely, successful and well-respected, But most repeated, she is STRONG! Not anything like the passive and weak woman we are so often encouraged to be! She has no fear of winter – the difficult times to come – and is most definitely not limited to planning weddings and using crock pots!
It got me thinking go the times I have had to be strong…
When 2 years into my marriage, when we should have been comparing paint swatches for the living room and eating breakfast in bed (or whatever it is that newlyweds do!) but instead we were battling it out in screaming matches and trying to decided what we would do with the house in the event of a divorce.
…When The Lord asked me to forgive my husband, and when even more clearly, I begged God kicking and screaming to let me move on, to give me permission to break ties with the man I was petrified would hurt me once again! But how the Lord never wavered.
How I was furious and shaken, but STRONG enough to choose to please the Lord above all else and embark on a journey to learn to love my husband again. And for the record, I am so incredibly glad I did!
How years later, we faced an unimaginable tragedy in our church while my husband was away at summer camp. How I wanted nothing more then for my husband to walk through the door, so I could immerse myself into the comfort of his arms, allowing myself to freely fall into a heap of tears with the one person who shared my mutual heartache. And how it never happened…
Because upon returning home, my husband made only one request: we not cry. How instead, he wanted to watch the news footage covering the accident over… and… over… and lay on floor and listen to worship music until late into the night. How he needed me there, and how more than anything he needed me to be STRONG!
How impossible it felt (how impossible it would’ve been apart from the Lord!) but how I sought hard to find my strength in Christ, relying on Him wholeheartedly for my comfort so that I could be strong for my husband, so that in return, he could be strong for so many others as their Pastor!
Oh, how my soul longed in those moments, for a woman to have opened up and spoken to me as a college freshman about THAT! To have a woman stand before me, vulnerable about her overwhelming fears and unworthiness, but of God’s immeasurable strength available to us in spite of it!
And so if I could teach a class on christian womanhood, and if all of you reading were my exceptionally lovely students, I would tell you that the most breathtaking picture of a ‘christian woman’ is not merely a sweet, modest, well-spoken, domestic goddess – but the woman whose strength and unshakeable faith lifts up all those around her despite the circumstance or ‘winter’ she has found herself in. (Prov. 31:21)
I’d tell you that no matter how beautiful of a bride you make, that one day your marriage may feel hopeless. And to remember when that day comes, it’s not a direct reflection of the INADEQUACY of you, but the potential GREATNESS of God if we allow Him to restore the broken pieces left of our hearts, and our vows.
That one day, the strong men we marry may need OUR strength to literally and physically pick them up off the floor, and that it won’t be a damn crock pot that will save the day, but the fire deep within us to FIGHT for our marriages and for our husbands to be the godly men that the Lord desires them to be!
Because the truth is, EVERYONE can let us down. But by choosing to find our strength in Christ, there is NOTHING God can’t grant us, and NOTHING He can not restore!
We need only to turn to Him, for He is the only one capable of giving life to our broken hearts and the strength we need to keep holding on.
And it would be as simple as that.
Class is dismissed.
Krista Ortiz 
Awesome word Sister! 🙂
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thanks! 🙂
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xoxoxo to you on this post. I enjoy reading your thoughts! And I heard something at a Women’s Conference recently (like a Holy Spirit filled awesome, cry at the magnitude of God kind of conference), that in the Jewish Tanakh, Ruth follows Proverbs, allowing for the possibility that she is a depiction of the P31 woman. That said, she is as raw and real as they come. She wasn’t afraid of humility, servitude, or dirty work. She maintained beauty and grace in the face of shame and poverty. Woman like you are more like the Proverbs 31 woman than the facade of perfection that our church society seems to gravitate towards.
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“She maintained beauty and grace in the face of shame and poverty” LOVE THAT Kristi! Thank you so much for sharing what you learned and reaching out to me! I appreciate that!
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Wow Krista.. this is wonderful. Thank you.
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Krista, this was a joy to read. What an astute young woman of God you are. The Lord has truly blessed you… 🙂
I hope you don’t mind if I share this on my facebook page, as we have a lot of young brides that could benefit from reading this. Grace always!
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Thank you Renee, for your super kind words! I don’t mind at all! It’s what I so badly wish I could have heard… it would have saved me a lot of heartache and insecurity if I had! 🙂 Thanks for reaching out!
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Thank you for this!!!
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Thank you for your courage to sharing words of truth we can all use everyday!
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thank you for letting we know you like it! It helps me have courage to KEEP being courageous! It means a lot!
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I cried when I read this….all I can say in AMEN. 36 years married….27 of those as a ministers wife and the loss of our eldest son aged 12…need I say more. Thank you.
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Oh Linda, my heart aches with you. Life is so hard, is it not? But no doubt, the strength in you is undeniable! Thank you for being brave enough to reach out to me, and share your story! That means more to me than I can adequately put into words! Thanks again and again!
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Well done sister! The honest reality of your post is refreshing and brings glory to God! Today, social media has left so many feeling inadequate. Much of what is shared is the author’s portrayal of what they consider their best, leaving out their ‘messes’ and looking for admiration…
Grateful we have our Lord to walk with us and turn our messes into something beautiful! Giving us the strength to overcome, teaching compassion for others and to serve with a purpose. Praising Him for such a gracious gift!
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Couldn’t have said it better myself! 🙂 thanks for reaching out and sharing your thoughts!
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so proud of you Krista & your growth in the Lord is beautiful to witness…
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THANK YOU for such a refreshing, Biblically-based post. I, too, have been disheartened so many times in the past when Christian womanhood is equated simply with chores, cooking, worldly submission – which quite frankly equates Christianity itself with plain paternalism. Our God is so amazing to make man and woman to be strength for each other – we needn’t run from it! Another Biblical support in your study: In Genesis 2, when God provides a “helper” for Adam, He used a Hebrew word for helper: azer. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not a beneficial thing for the man to be alone. I will make for him an azer who is his complement or equal.'” The same word is used elsewhere in the Bible, mostly it is used to denote humanity’s great helper – God himself. God paid a compliment to women with this word. The same word is used in Psalms 115, where it says, “O Israel, trust in the Lord, for He is their Helper and shield.” The term is always used to describe someone who brings significant help – often as someone who delivers another from some great dilemma. We were *created* to be a strong partner!
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Kristin, thank you for reaching out and sharing your powerful thoughts! I couldn’t agree more with everything you wrote and wish there were more women like you to stand up and teach about the strong partner that we were “created to be”! Thanks again 🙂
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I agree with this whole heartedly, we were created to be help mates and God in His infinite wisdom knew just how much strength would be required of us when He created us. None of us know just how strong we can become until faced with the challenges of this life and the Holy Spirit fills us, lifts us, refines us, and we come out on the other side…..With wisdom and peace. All Glory to God Our Father.
I have been married for 33years and have walked through fire and back again with my husband, trials & tribulations…in hindsight I never realized just how strong I was. But, God told me I had to stay, my husband needed me, my help (he’s a Vietnam Vet with PTSD) I have no regrets! God has seen us both through so much and Blessed our lives richly. I cannot imagine my life without him.
Thank you for your article and your right on insight on the Proverbs Woman.
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Thank you for sharing your story with me Deborah! Your strength is admirable!
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I thought I was a strong woman but when I lost my sweet husband and his daughters wished me a painful and long death…I was not strong but nothing but mush…I am getting the strength to go on and so enjoyed your message. Thank you.
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thank you for sharing your story with me RaNae.
I know you don’t feel strong right now, and I can’t imagine all that you are going through, but I know that us women are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And that above all else,that God can be the provider of all the strength that we are lacking -if we allow Him!
I love these verses…
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11
Thank you for reaching out to me RaNae, I so appreciate your courage and kindness.
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I so identify with listening to praise and worship music. After the death of our youngest son at age 31 there were 2 CDs we listened to all day, every day for three months straight. The Lord carried us through with Praises to Him. He is our strength!!!!!!!
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You are so right Clara!
I am sorry you had to experience such tragedy in losing your son! I can’t imagine the pain you had to endure, but I am glad God used music to comfort your aching heart in the same way He did for me and my husband.
Thank you for reaching out to me! That means a lot! 🙂
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Krista,
Is it okay for a guy to read and like this? 🙂
Thank you for helping me better understand God’s intentions for my wife, the mother of my child, my best friend. She is most definitely the kind of strong woman you describe, but her self-confidence almost disappears sometimes.
I’m going to share this with her, because I know it will encourage her. I’m also going to read it over, again, myself every so often as a reminder, even after 19 years of marriage, not to get in the way of who God made her to be.
Thank you, and God bless you!
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Jeff, THANK YOU sooooo much for reaching out! I could never have dreamed that this post would not only help to empower women, but to remind the men standing beside them, of their wives immeasurable value and strength.
The truth is, all women find their self confidence disappearing at times, but if our husbands were able to remind us of the strong woman God has designed us to be – the strong woman YOU see deep within us – then all the better!
Thank you so very much for reaching out!
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Great post, thank you. I was put off Proverbs 31 as a teenager by endless magazine articles about what it meant to be the ‘Proverbs 31 woman’. But I think I’m going to go and read it again now; and try to do s without the lens of home cooking and white weddings!
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Yes! Patience, that is a WONDERFUL idea! Sometimes we just need to tune out all those around us so that we can truly hear what it is that the LORD wants us to be! Proverbs 31 might just surprise you… 🙂
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Krista, thank you for opening your mind and sharing your heart. It got me to thinking about biblical manhood…and how far from the mark we are when we heap on men standards and practices that do not result in godliness. God richly bless you, and your husband.
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Thank you Rafael for sharing your thoughts with me! I think it is great that you are looking into being the godly man that the LORD – and not just others – wants you to be. Good for you!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! Two years ago, my husband had to have a hip replacement at age 37. It was completely a freak thing (the blood flow to his femur was somehow cut off and the bone died). I had to physically take care of him throughout his recovery and he lost his job due to excessive absences right before the surgery. He still has a lot of pain and is still unemployed; we have worked for over a year to get him on disability and finally he was approved by a disability judge last month (although we are still waiting on all the paperwork to go through and start receiving benefits). We also have a 3-year-old son, so it has been a difficult three years when I’ve had to be strong for the whole family, the breadwinner, the caretaker even when I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety. By the grace of God, I have remained strong and healthy (I started running in May and that has helped tremendously with my mood and healthy). And sometimes, I think that others in the church, especially the women, have no idea what we are going through. When people ask, “How are you doing?” few of them really want to know the honest answer.
Sorry for the novel, I just really resonated with your post. Bless you.
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Wow, Leann! You are an amazingly STRONG woman!!!! I can’t imagine what your day-to-day life has consisted of, and all the stress that has come with it, but your family is so lucky to have a wife and mother like you! It seems to me, you are true modern day picture of the Proverbs 31 woman!
Thanks for sharing your story, it was a blessing to me! 🙂
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Leann,
I don’t know you and have never met you. Based on the circumstances that you’ve discussed, I admire you and your strength. Thank you for sharing this with us. If I saw you in person, I would give you a big hug. 🙂 May God continue to bless you throughout this journey.
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Thanks, Krista and Kelly, for the kind words. I don’t always feel worthy to be compared to the Proverbs 31 Woman, but it is an honor. Luckily, my husband appreciates all I do and tells me all the time that he wouldn’t know what to do without me.
And Kelly, I would love a hug. 🙂
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THANK YOU for this!! I have been waiting for YEARS for someone to say this. Waiting to know there are other Christian women that don’t fit that stereotypical mold.
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Thanks Andrea! I am glad I’m not the only one 🙂
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Thanks so much for this!! Encouraging as a single woman that I don’t have to be perfect to be a godly wife.
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Wonderfully said! I am weak, but God has made me Strong. Through my weakness, others can hear my story and learn to breath again.
Thank you for your boldness.
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Such encouraging and deep words. As a mother and a spouse, I would much rather walk in Strength than some ideal of perfection. Because the going gets tough so much of the time, and I need a Strength that I can lean into. Thank you for sharing you heart in such a real and honest way!
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Two years into my marriage and basically in the same place you were at that point in yours I needed to hear this message and greatly appreciate you having shared it. Thank you and God Bless you. I would enjoy a class taught by you.
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what a beautiful and courageous post.
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Krista, I appreciate your words more than you could ever know. I have been in the ministry for over 20 years and 24 years I have been married to a rock of strength.
My lovely wife, Violet, has been with me through more things than most are probably willing to endure. She has been there and cared for me when my body shut down twice while in ministry. She was there when we were both holding on to one of our little girls while serving as church planters in West Africa and while praying wondering whether she would live one more night after a severe case of malaria (#1 killer in West Africa). At the same time, she was also trying to care for me while wondering whether her husband would make it back to the US as a passenger beside her on a seat or in a box in the cargo hold after twice contracting severe malaria and typhoid in less than 3 months.
There are so many ways that my wife is like a Proverbs 31 woman. While she is not perfect, she is very real. So many times, the wife of my youth has been there to show to others a strength that could only come from God. She has literally held me up physically when I could not, spiritually when the world seemed to completely crumble through crushing heartache, and emotionally even at times when it can be thought unmanly to shed tears because people around you expect the “pastor” to be a Rock and never crumble.
Keep writing and sharing your thoughts for they are worth reading. I just wish more pastors and their wives would be willing to be just as real with others. We hurt just like the people to whom we minister. We can be crushed. We pray for strength to get us through our days as well even when we don’t feel like it.
I could say more, but I don’t want to hijack your thread.
In Christian grace,
Mark Escalera
Pastor/Teacher
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Thank you Mark! Your comment was so refreshing to read! To hear of a couple that has experienced the hardships of marriage and ministry is so encouraging. Thank you for reaching out to me and sharing that with me, and encouraging me along the way!
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I LOVE your words because they feel like what I want to vomit up (in a good way of course lol). I feel like I try to be strong in many situations… not because of myself but because where God has brought me from, to and through. I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be and I have had to learn the difference between strength and stubborness haha. People along the way in ministry (I was a youth director for 10 years before mommyhood became the next call in life) felt like a woman shouldn’t be as outspoken, as firm, as strong… I worked hard for the respect that a man automatically gets for the very same traits. Can we as women not be balanced in gentleness and strength? Goodness, if we expect men to be and that God has called that for that in them as pastors, as husbands… then why can we not do the same as women, wives, moms, leaders?
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YES! You bring up such good points Kristen! Thanks for giving me your thoughts!
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Well done! I also get tired of fb posts of other people’s “perfect” lives. I want REAL friendships with REAL women who are doing their best to follow God.
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My heart longs for the same relationships Christie! And I always have to remind myself that I need to BE that kind of woman before I FIND those kind of women. We must lead by example, and be the authentic, bold, passionate, christ followers He has made us to be… and the friends will come!
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It’s amazing how we don’t talk about this in the church. I am amazed how when my husband and I being past youth pastors and children’s church pastors were totally blown off when we began to have marriage problems….I was devastated that after years and years of marriage and being in the church serving and knowing so many people that we mentored and walked hand in hand with, we were looked at as the sty in the eye at least it felt that way. We had people tell us that our problems were bigger than they could help with. So glad that I didn’t continue to depend on the strength of my church friends but during this low time I kept my eyes on God and removed myself from the people who had little or no compassion. It’s been 5 years since I exposed my marriage problems in the church, my husband and I have come a long way. Life did not look good for us, but as we were going through the fire, our most gracious daddy (God) kept his eyes on us and showed us that we were both imperfect and that he loved us and forgave all of our sins and showed me that there was no perfect marriage and no perfect wife. I didn’t have to be that “perfect christian woman.” Anyhow, God is still healing my heart towards my husband and is changing is heart towards me and OMG! we have a much better relationship than we have ever had in our 32 years of marriage and it just gets better every day.
Thanks for sharing. Your words have shown me that God is looking not for perfection but for a woman that is in love with him more than anyone which is how I try to live my life daily. I just remember that it is not anything I can do but all that he does because without God we can do nothing. Mostly, I know my husband and I in all of the imperfection of our marriage are blessed and highly favored. Now that is just truly amazing! Thank you God for your love and grace!
thanks for sharing
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Thank you Cathie for sharing your story! I can relate a TON as me and my husband are both in ministry and I have made mention of the heartache and betrayals it has caused at times (I wrote a post called To: the haters)
Ministry is tough because though we lead others through THEIR hard times, we often find ourselves having no one to lead US when we are struggling in the same way! We are left to lead ourselves back to the Lord! and that’s no easy task!
But I applaud you for finding your strength in Christ, for leaning into Him so that He could heal your hearts and your marriage! Another perfect picture, of the strong proverbs 31 woman! Love it!
Thanks again for reaching out!
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I cannot tell you how encouraging and true your words were! Thank you for listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit to write what we needed to hear! It takes much strength to love your husband when he fails, when he sins, when he acts unlovingly…it takes a strength we don’t have in our humanity because we also fail and sin and act unlovingly…it takes a strength that can only come from Christ…and we have to be empty, broken, and weak in order to be filled with his strength. We also have to be willing. I remember a moment a few years ago when my husband failing miserably in a struggle he has and I was crying out to God, “Why are you letting this happen?! This is not the man I married, this is not the man I want to be married to, how can I love possibly love him like this?!” And clear as day, I heard my Lord and Savior reply, “but I love him, even like this, even to death on the cross, I love him.” Every day the Holy Spirit is teaching me just what love means, how to be filled with Him so the love He has overflows through me. That’s strength, and it’s not mine, it’s His! I’m thankful for that strength!
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Christy, your words might as well have been mine because they ring so true for me! I remember God reminding me in worship to “break my heart for what breaks Yours”- that my husband’s struggles break the Lord’s heart and that He was asking me to be willing and loving enough to let it break mine. To be more worried about my husband not being the man Christ designed him to be, and less worried about just the ‘husband department’ he was lacking in. It was then that God showed up, and transformed our marriage from the inside out!
A reference that helped me greatly ruing that time was the book, ‘When his secret sin breaks your heart”, which I would encourage you to read yourself, or to refer to others who are struggling in their marriage!
Thanks for reaching out Christy! you are most definitely the picture of the STRONG Proverbs 31 woman!
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I found this very educational & inspiring… I agree that as a whole the world presents the Godly woman incorrectly… But I believe you made your point exceptionally well without the curse word…
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I thought damn crock pot actually helped make the point. Just saying.
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😉
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Thank you!
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Thank you. Just thank you. 3 years ago we left our home in NW Indiana to move to another city where my husband could attend seminary. We will be married 25 years next spring. At 42 (he was 53) right before moving to this new place we found out we were expecting our 4th child. All this on the heels of battling depression (still a battle for one of us) and in the midst of financial struggle related to the sale of our house in the midst of the housing troubles. I watch people on Facebook write posts on how clean their house is now while I sit in the middle of my living room full of toys clean laundry and some purses I’m not using but have stuff I need to go through while my 3 years old tomorrow youngest sucks his thumb and curls my hair after a day of work for me and daycare for him. My still struggling with anxiety and depression husband tries to write papers for a grueling seminary schedule while being a teacher of 7th grade math. Yep the most insane age group to teach. We argue, play, eat cereal for dinner. I’m tired. Tired of being strong. And that’s my point. We are strong. Even when we don’t want to be. The women. I wish I could feel like there was someplace I could go to be weak. I know I have The Lord. If I didn’t I think I would honestly not have survived this. Still surviving. Barely. My 20 yr oldest son is still undecided about his life what do i tell him? Your post is amazing. What your words have done is helped me let go of some of the guilt that we all can’t help but feel but should not allow to control our image of ourselves. So thank you. Just thank you.
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Thank YOU Kimberly! For having such bravery to reach out and share with me your current struggles and heart ache. I would encourage you (when women’s facebook post’s are driving you mad!) to instead, look at the comments on this post; comment after comment of REAL women hurting, desiring to be the wife and mother they are supposed to be, but broken just like us!
I am glad my post has been able to encourage you even in the smallest of ways! Thanks again for sharing your heart!
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Thank you so much for being real!! I get tired of all those “life is so grand” posts too, even from people I know that’s not totally true… so hard to know that line of being real on social media but also not harping on people/husband, etc, without sounding like a meanie or disrespect. I try to be real while keeping it loose and not too much detail, ya know? I loved your post, right you are!!! And I canNOT believe that class you had! Made me sick to my stomach, blech. Appreciated what you said about being STRONG too. The Lord is the only way our marriage survived at about our 9-11 year marks of our now 13 year marriage. To God be the glory!!
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Along the same lines as you speak I went to a Messianic meeting this summer and the Rabbi was teaching on “Real Role of Women” … He BLEW ME AWAY with ONE piece of info… Unfortunately I don’t have my notes with me to pull from, but In Genesis 2:18 the words which are translated “help meet” are not found together many other places in the Bible, BUT when they do, they are referring to the help that GOD HIMSELF GIVES!!!! Therefore the concept of the woman being inferior or weak is totally bogus!!! He also made reference to an oddity in that the (Hebrew) wording implies for-against… meaning that when the husband is facing God and doing his will that she is for him and supporting him, but when the husband is turning away from God that she is against him, working to get him to change directions… in both and opposite ways she is able greatly help her husband’s walk with the Lord.
Not only that but he pointed out that the word translated “virtuous” in Proverbs 31 would be better translated “valorous” – whoa! Nothing “meek” and “milk toast” about THAT description! Women are WARRIORS! We are twice refined from the earth whereas men are only once refined… and therefore tend to be more sensitive to the Spirit. No wonder that the Bible teaches that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing”!
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This was the best article i have read in awhile. Thank you 🙂 May God continue to bless you.
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Thank you so much for this essay on REAL life. So many try and put off that they have all the answers and their lives are just perfect – when we ALL know that that is not true. Yes we all hopefully have times that everything is going well but we all face issues, problems, a little self doubt and even an occasional dash of doubt about God’s choices for our lives thrown in too. We must always, all ways, run to God – for His strength, peace and healing and so much more. Thanks again.
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I enjoyed this until I got the part about a d**n crockpot. A strong Christian pastors wife would not use such language. We are will fail from time to time and I am by no means perfect but to speak of faith and being Christian and using curse words in the same post just doesn’t sit well with me. Sorry if I offend, I too am just a blunt and honest woman of God that just tells it like it is.
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I cannot speak for the author’s true intentions, but I took that word thrown in there to be an example of the point she was making. We make mistakes and say things we shouldn’t, do things we shouldn’t and think things we shouldn’t. Pretending otherwise is nothing more than a gigantic sham. There is a difference between being Godly and being perfect. There is only One who is perfect. I have found that too often pastors wives, in particular, are led to believe that they need to portray themselves as perfect. That kind of deception, in my opinion, is worse than an unsavory word.
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Great post!
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Thank you for this!! It was very encouraging!!
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Krista,
I agree.
In both the short and long run, being a “strong” woman is better for a marriage than a “perfect” woman ever could be and there will be times when the husband is just not going to be able to be the “strong” one.
In 2001, I had a motorcycle accident and spent 10 days in the hospital. When I came home, my left hand was in a cast and my right arm was in a sling and unusable due to shoulder injuries. There were other injuries too, but these were the ones that really affected us. As the “strong” man, I was unable to do much of what I usually did. With both hands of little use, I needed my wife to help with dressing and showering and most inconvenient, using the bathroom for over 6 weeks. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle all of this, but we agreed that we would not ask our teenage daughter to take on any of those responsibilities. There was a lot of praying going on for both healing and for strength.
My Orthopedic Surgeon said from her past observations, that a situation like this would either make our marriage fall apart or grow stronger. Often, having to give this level of care to a spouse would be the last straw for a weak marriage and the well spouse would just say “I’m done”. I am happy to say that our marriage grew stronger from the experience. The Doctor did say that she observed that families who were religious (of all faiths), were much more likely to stay together than non-believers.
Not only did my wife find the strength to be there for me when i needed her, but we both grew in our faith and our understanding of what other people were going through. I, myself, learned to have more patience with my wife and family and also others, It was a growing experience for us both and I believe our marriage and love for each other is stronger than it might have been had we not gone through what we did.
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THANK YOU Steve for reaching out and sharing your story! I can’t tell you how much it blessed me to hear about YOUR strong Proverbs 31 woman! 🙂 And how the two of you stood in the face of unimaginable struggles, and yet came out on the other end stronger than before! I LOVE that! Thank you for having the courage to share your heart!
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Thank you for your article I really enjoyed it. I do however believe that all this time you haven’t gotten the real lesson on what a Proverbs Woman is because it is ALL those things that can be difficult and at times makes us feel inadequate, but it is also about the STRONG woman too. Glad that you found it out on your own is spite of others doing their best in teaching God’s word. Many blessings 🙂
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You know, I signed up for updates on the comments for this post, and I have to say I find it a little ironic that people are bring up the ‘d word’. I mean, I read a ton of posts throughout the week and have to assume that they are Christian (based on the content), but I don’t bat an eye if they’re using cursing in their post, b/c I just chose not to be their judge, you know? I am a ‘Jesus Freak’ myself, and I have slipped many times, simply b/c it’s a weakness when I’m really upset with something. I’m working on it, and I know what the scriptures say… I just think that to point it out as being ‘something a pastor’s wife shouldn’t do’ kind of lends to Krista’s point! If the curse word was there – is it any better or worse if she leaves it off the page but still wrestles with it in her mind? I wonder what kind of ungodly words go through half of the women who read this? I’m sure a few…and even if it isn’t a ‘curse’ word, as deemed by the dictionary…have you thought the words ‘hate’, ‘ugly’, ‘stupid’, ‘annoying’, ‘dumb’, ‘jerk’… Don’t believe our Lord would be saying those words either. God bless the honest woman, and may her transparencies lead to victories in all areas of her spiritual walk.
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Thank you Kristi! 🙂
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Krista, you probably don’t remember me, but I remember when you were a little girl! Your father was my husbands youth pastor and the best man at our wedding. I needed this post today! Thank you for your transparency and insight. I’m a pastors wife and feeling very depleted – empty. Nothing to give. It’s so easy to look to my husband or others for strength and encourgement. Even to a vice for the matter. But the reminder to seek Jesus is what I needed to hear. Thank you. -Traci
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I actually TOTALLY remember you Traci! 🙂 Thanks for commenting, I know the feeling of being depleted all too well. Glad a silly post like this could briefly reconnect us! I hope you and your family are doing well!
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Spot on!! Thanks!
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Not to mention we had an extremely small, simple wedding and neither of us like crockpot recipes very much at all. LOL!
I believe Prov. 31 is an example of a type of Godly woman and not some mold we are to squeeze into.
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How refreshing it is to see a Christian woman talk about difficult things instead of a perfect marriage. It’s so nice to see that a marriage made of two sinners isn’t always perfect like it is made out to be. Thanks for giving is all some prospective.
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I have been married for almost 4 years, never in my life have I ever thought or heard of anything as ingenious, aquward, or beautifully true of what it truely means to be a Goddly woman in this day and age. Don’t get me wrong here but I do have a full time job (Keep in mind that I also travel, almost weekly, for my job), keep the house clean, AND have dinner on the table for my husband. It is BEYOND exauhsting! But I do it because I feel it shows him and God that I am thankful for him everyday. He has seen me at my worst and still chose to love me. I do not know what I ever did to deserve my husband but I will do everything everyday to show that I am willing to do my best to deserve him.
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Amen!
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Thank you…. just what I and others need to hear…think we. Must have been in the same class …ha ha
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I love to see another woman keeping it REAL. This “Super Christian Woman” culture is enough to make anyone throw their hands up and quit. I choose to believe that the Proverbs 31 woman was confirmed by Jesus as Mary sat at his FEET, while the modern-day-overachiever Martha was working on her crockpot dish and angry no one was helping or praising her over how amazing her Pinterest table-scape decorations were! When I doubt myself, I remember that sitting at the feet of Jesus is where I am the woman God made me to be. And then, when I get up, I’ll do what I have time to do, whether that’s leg of lamb (yeah, right…) or grilled cheese and cereal for dinner! And, Giiiiiiiirl, that whole marriage thing? YEP! YEP! and AMEN! I was just thinking the other day (as I saw people posting anniversary pics with hashtags of #bliss #bestmanever #perfection) that I wondered why my marriage had taken so many years of arguing and struggle and heartache to get where we are today… But, God reminded me that my path is NOT like anyone else’s and that He has already used our struggles to show that He can bring glory out of the ashes and victory out of the darkness. If hashtags had been big back in my days of newlywed-hood, I would’ve made a sailor blush…. HA! Thanks again!
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I LOVED this comment, so thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts with me!
Haha, “if hashtags had been big back in my days of newlywed-hood, I would’ve made a sailor blush”- you had me ROLLIN with that one! Thanks girl! 🙂
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