I know, I know… God’s timing is perfect and He will give us the desires of our hearts. I’m both familiar with these truths and believe they hold true.
But that being said, REALLLLLY, tho… God is ignoring me.
…and the two pregnancy tests in my hand are proof.
Continue reading If you feel like God is ignoring you, you’re probably right.
When my marriage fell apart and I found myself drowning in depression, I had 3 people to forgive for about a trillion unforgivable things, yet they weren’t the most difficult to forgive — It was everyone else, and me.
Everyone else, because of the stupid things they would say, and worse, the things they wouldn’t.
Friends, that threw Bible verses at me like I was Satan, in hopes the scriptural fairy dust they were sprinkling over my heartache would magically make all the lies and broken vows in my marriage disappear (It didn’t.) And others, who oversimplified marriage by giving idiotic advice like, ‘Yah know, staying happily married is all about ‘balance’ and ‘continuing to date each other.‘….all while I stood in the wreckage left of my marriage that had just obliterated for reasons much more severe than that.
Balance?!?! I mean, what does that even mean?!?! I realize balance is good, for instance, when decorating bookshelves or when trying to not eat too much sugar, and that dating each other is ideal if, say, you want to eat your way through all the sushi joints in town. But for me, having a happy marriage had nothing to do with either of those things at the time… I NEEDED MY HUSBAND TO STOP LOOKING AT PORN! (balance and dating each other, my @$$!)
But then there was me to forgive. Arguably, the most difficult person for me to stomach at the time…
Continue reading On forgiveness, hating yourself, and God’s most favored gift
I’ve spent 29 years of my life asking God why I was put on this earth, and the last few, telling Him all the reasons why I couldn’t possibly do it.
I’ve contemplated making a run from God’s call on my life, too many times to count. Much like all the times I hid in the bathroom to escape gym class in Elementary School.
I just couldn’t do it. I missed kickball tournaments, field days, and square dancing. All because I was too afraid of what my peers would say, of how athletically incompetent I might prove myself to be, when inevitably, some sphere of death would be hurled unmercifully in my direction. (I’m also, legit, afraid of balls. But that’s another story for another time.)
So there I stayed, in the bathroom, nearly every day, studying the barely legible choice words that were littering the lavatory walls I had locked myself in, while the shouts of my classmates echoed from the gym.
Though I rarely hide in bathroom stalls anymore (praise!) I realized this week, the reason I most often feel like running from what God is asking me to do, is still the same as it was while cowering on the commode all those years ago:
I was, and still am, debilitating afraid of the critic.
Continue reading In the face of everything that is threatening to tear you down — keep standing
There are two types of people in this world: those who believe there is greatness to be unlocked in them and that there is significant purpose as to why they have been put on this earth. And those, who don’t.
Both, have had the same God who breathed the stars, breathe life into their lunges for an incredible, if not astounding reason, but only one set of people believe it. Worse, only one set of people will ever step into it.
By default, I fall into the latter category, and because of it, I don’t know if I will ever find the courage to step into what I am put on this earth to do (the jury’s still out on that one.)
But the harsh truth is, you might not either.
…And God’s hoping that will scare us, today. (And He will attempt to do so, with just one word — IF.)
Continue reading The one word that should scare you ( IF )
Last week, I wrote a bold and unapologetic post to the man or woman who wants their perfectly restored marriage handed to them. And for the record, I stand by what I said, and I’m (still) not the least bit sorry about it.
But today, oh weary one, these words of compassion are for you.
You are not entitled like the person described last week, you are shattered. You’re not waiting on perfection, you’re waking up every morning, staring at the same spot on the wall, and begging God for a miracle. (You can’t hold on much longer if it doesn’t happen soon.)
For those of you whose heart is breaking today, I know if there was a base you could run to where you’d finally be safe, where you could escape for just a moment to catch your breath from the waves of heartache that keep you up all night, you’d run there no matter the distance.
For those – still waiting – on a spouse to get their act together, I know from experience if you could tie them to a chair and spoon feed them the-right-thing-to-do, you would. (but unfortunately, it isn’t logistical, or legal for that matter.)
But God told me to tell you something, heartbroken one: Your pain is seen, heard, and understood by a God who knows what He’s doing.
And you do not cry alone, today.
Continue reading For: the person whose heart is breaking right now…
True Story: I loathe the sound of my voice and the way my nose looks on camera so I can’t believe we are really doing this, but… TOMORROW NIGHT (Tuesday, 6/27) at 8:30pm EST, my husband and I will be on Facebook Live, and we’d love for you to join us!
We will be talking about “What do you do when life doesn’t go as planned?” and will go from 8:30-9:15pm and it’ll be a mix of talking, sharing our life experiences & lessons, and fielding some Q&A.
Find me on Facebook either by searching for Krista Ortiz (or by clicking here)
I look forward to meeting you!
(To note: My husband will be the handsome one with all the right answers. I’ll be the one rocking back and forth in fetal position and trying not to have a panic attack. #RealTalk)
Those are the words I spoke to a woman, whose marriage was rapidly deteriorating.
I watched as my words landed. Observing her eyes widen, and her mouth open as if to protest, but nothing came out. She looked shell-shocked at my brashness. Confused, how a woman like myself, that is such proof of God’s miraculous restoration, could say such a thing to her. It’s not at all how she expected me to respond.
But for the record, I’m not the least bit sorry about it.
Continue reading I’m sorry, but your perfectly restored marriage will never be handed to you.
Last week, I found myself gasping for breath as I wept. Deep and heavy and messy mourning, like something died. Like something died a long time ago, but I didn’t grieve… Like, I never allowed myself to grieve.
Never, in a million years, did I expect the tears to come.
I’m alright, I thought. I just need a little fresh air, a nap, maybe a podcast or something, I said, thinking that would lift my spirits after a series of off-days last week.
But as I sat listening to the downpour outside my window that day, I realized for the first time in a long time, it was so much deeper than that. It’s as if I had been running so hard and so fast from something, for so long, and on that dark and rainy day, it – finally – all caught up with me.
You could hear my cries down the hallway.
Continue reading You don’t have to run from your feelings in the name of faith, anymore.
I’m not going to lie, God (often) has to put me in my place. And none more harsh than when it comes to my daughter.
…My 5 year-old ninja-turtle-loving daughter.
When it comes to my child, I have felt God’s correction most severe. His words to me almost cutting, even reprimanding at times. And what I’ve come to realize is it’s because God is fiercely protective of my daughter.
(God told me to tell you, He’s fiercely protective of you as well!)
Continue reading What my daughter taught me about a jealous God
There’s this trait that will one day bring you to your knees about God. I know, because it happened to me this week…
There on my knees, I found myself, tears streaming from my eyes. Partly in shock, but more than anything, unashamedly grateful.
…Grateful, for a God who goes before me.
Continue reading The one thing that will bring you to your knees about God