I was so angry.
I said things – true things – that were hurtful and vengeful. Justified, but undeniably mean.
Though no one listening judged me when I pointed fingers and rolled my eyes, or corrected my rage when I unapologetically threw out accusations, it was obvious during that counseling session: Though I have never been known as an angry person in the past, an angry person is what I am becoming.
Even more obvious was if I were going to move forward in my marriage, I could either continue being angry or I could trust God. But I couldn’t do both.
In Psalm 33:3-4 it starts by saying, “Sing a new song of praise to Him… For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything He does.“
God wants us to trade our anger, resentment and fears, for a new song! A song proclaiming, arms outstretched in surrender, Lord you are worthy of my trust!
To trust Him not just with the monumental but the mundane. Not just when everything goes our way, but when doors slam in our face and our dreams (and *cough* our marriages) get shot to hell. To trust God when our fears are escalating, our anger is raging and for the life of us, we can’t understand what He is doing.
It’s no easy task (…hence why its taken me 3 weeks to write this post!) but in Psalm 33 we see God is indeed worthy of our trust, whether we give it to Him or not.
3 Reasons We Can Trust Everything God Does:
1. God effortlessly does the impossible
I can’t do anything effortlessly. Like seriously, I burnt dinner last night, have crippling social anxiety and even writing this blog post is kicking my rear.
But in verse 6 it says, “The Lord merely spoke, and the heavens were created. He breathed the word and all the stars were born… Let everyone stand in awe of Him. For when He spoke, the world began! It appeared at His command.”
Here’s what we need to know: the same God who effortlessly did the impossible in creating the universe, is working to do the same in our lives, our finances and our marriages! By choosing to put our trust in God we aren’t leaving our lives up to chance, we are placing every detail of our lives in the most capable hands.
We can either believe our circumstances are a random set of unfortunate events – For which we should be angry! – OR we can believe maybe, just maybe, our darkest days are a platform for God to use the same power He used in creating the Heavens and the Earth to reclaim all that’s been lost in our lives. In which case we should not be angry, but waiting expectantly to stand in awe of all the things God will do!
2. God understands the complexity of our character
In Psalm 33: 13,15 it says, “The Lord looks down from Heaven and sees the whole human race… He made their hearts, so He understands everything they do.”
Similarly to my last blog post, God was indeed looking down from heaven and saw the beautiful bride I made all those years ago. How breathtaking I was in my own white dress and veil, and how sure I was I had found my happily ever after. He was watching as I did my best to do everything right, be the best wife I could be, but how I am up to my ears in trust issues and marriage counseling today, because everything went so horribly wrong in spite of it.
God made our hearts so He understands when and how they broke – He even understands why we have resorted to anger and fear because of it. And just like my counselor, God doesn’t correct or judge us when we lash out and make accusations, He simply desires for us to realize He has been looking down from heaven during every tear and every heartbreak, heavily invested in every detail of our lives, and currently piecing together a plan to restore us even though we may not see it.
3. God’s plan withstands our pain
Know this: there is nothing you did, no fluke accident or wrong turn taken, and listen closely – no person who let you down, that put you too far from God’s plan for your life.
In verse 11 it says, “…The Lord’s plan stand firm forever; His intentions can never be shaken.” Though ours hearts may be shaken, our God and His plans for our lives never were. He has been there all along, pursuing us with a plan than stands the test of time and a purpose that can never be shaken even by our most heart wrenching pain.
Does He have his work cut out for Him piecing our lives back together? …Abso- freaking- lutely!
Is part of His plan for me to learn to love my husband again? …Yup. And for the record, it BLOWS!
But the One who merely spoke the heavens into existence, who simply breathed and the galaxies appeared in all of their glory, will walk beside us every step of the way until all that has been cruelly ripped from our grasp is redeemed.
What I have found over the course of the last month, is when I truly seek to believe I can trust EVERYTHING God does in my life, that slowly my fears and rage melt away…
“She’s changed,” my husband said in our last counseling session, speaking of the surprising absence of anger in my life these last couple of weeks.
….and he was right!
Because there is no room for outrage when I am filled with admiration. No time to reel in my sorrows when I am rejoicing in the fact that there is a star breathing, world commanding God who is out there working, in this very moment, to do the impossible in my life and my heart even when I can’t see it.
Today we each have a choice. We can either stay angry at the past or prepare to stand in awe of God in the future, but we can’t do both.
I pray we would choose awe. That we would withdraw from hurling accusations and instead throw our hands up in surrender to the God who can bring light to the darkest confines of our hearts, with the same power He used to illuminate the heavens.
That we would choose to marvel and not meltdown, knowing there is One who is able to breathe new life into our marriages and our weary souls with the same breath He used to infuse the stars in the sky.
May we lay aside the sheet music of the song we’ve grown accustomed to singing in anger and fear, for one brimming with praise, proclaiming, Lord I want to trust every. single. thing. you do!
Because God is SO worthy of that trust – whether we give it to Him or not!
We put our hope in the Lord.
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice.
For we trust in His holy name.