Rock Climbing the River Floor (You Will Recover Your Life)

Years ago… another lifetime ago, really… I remember a day so tragic that every cell in my body felt like it changed in response. 

We were young, twenty-something youth pastors taking the teens in our youth group to Summer Camp when, unimaginably, one of the boys in our youth group tragically slipped beneath the most glorious waterfall and drowned. Another friend of ours, a counselor, slipped in after him, drowning as well. 

After 11 years it still remains difficult to find the words to describe all that unfolded that summer…, all I know is I’m different because of the events that transpired that day. (We all are.) 

That day changed us forever. 

No longer were my husband and I able to go on being the fun and carefree youth pastors we once were; teaching topics like peer pressure & premarital sex, all while choreographing a mix of Jesus and hilarious antics with an ease that suggested they were meant to go together (as all the best youth pastors are skilled in doing). No, we learned, much to our dismay, that youth pastors can also very much preach funerals. 

We also could no longer go on believing the sugarcoated truths we all tell ourselves to make us feel superficially at ease, palatable untruths like that there is a hierarchy of death and that children always bury their parents. Not since that day we watched for ourselves how unspeakable tragedy can rip through the most joyous times and stunning landscapes with zero regard for age or principle. 

That day changed us forever. (Tragedy and suffering always do.) 

And because of that, there were parts of ourselves we thought we would never recover. 

The same has been true of so many areas of my life that have been exposed to pain and suffering over the years. 

In my marriage, there were times I thought I’d never be able to trust my husband again, that my shattered heart would never recover from the lies that came out on that dark and tempestuous night.

There have also been betrayals (so. many. betrayals.) I thought I’d never recover from them, and they made me want to throw up my hands, put up my guard, retreat away to my fortress, and never give of myself generously again. 

And there have been extended seasons of depression so long and dark, that it felt as if I were feeling my way down an impenetrably black hallway with no end in sight. And in that never-ending tunnel, I worried I might never be the same again, that I might never live in the light again – that I might never belly laugh effortlessly or wake up with anticipation, that there might never be a future purpose worth enduring my current pain. 

And all of that is because suffering of any kind changes us. Pain chisels away familiar parts of us, leaving things we once valued to feel forever lost, never to be recovered. 

And maybe there are parts of us that can’t be recovered… that is, by the average person or by your own best efforts. Sometimes you have to bring in some skilled reinforcements. 

Enter: Mark Angel 

Our paths crossed with Mark Angel after the unimaginable heartache at camp that summer, a man with a notably strange skill in recovering bodies. A man we never intended to meet, or frankly, wanted to meet, but who would go on to teach me so much about Jesus because we did. 

In an article titled ‘“Angel of the Nine Fingers”,’ they describe Mark Angel vividly.

“…Mark Angel, a short-fused Deschutes River hero whose name can silence a room full of river folk. It’s not every day you see Angel—and that’s a good thing. If he’s around, something terrible has happened. 

Angel is a self-taught, freelance whitewater rescue diver and extreme salvager. He retrieves whatever a river takes. He’s known for plunging—untethered—into Class IV rapids decked out in old scuba gear and then crabbing his way upstream along the bottom. Into the black, violent water he goes, searching for whatever you’ve lost: a luxury watch, a wedding ring, a body…it’s entirely likely that nobody else in the world can match Angel’s river salvage skills.” 

He retrieves whatever has been taken…

Into the black, violent water he goes, searching for whatever you’ve lost… 

In another article, they described the great lengths to which Mark Angel would go to salvage things. While other divers might tactically drop themselves into the water near the vicinity of where an object was lost and then give up if it was no longer in that area, Angel retrieves things by plunging to the depths untethered and doing something that resembles “‘rock climbing on the river floor”’ against the current, searching relentlessly for whatever has been lost, and refusing to give up until it is found. 

If you lost it, Mark Angel does whatever it takes to find it, even if it requires rock climbing the river floor. His business motto: was, ”Salvage of any item, from any place, at any time.” — He makes bold claims that he can recover whatever has been taken, no matter how raging the river or the circumstance that stole it from your grasp. (And here’s what I’ve learned: Jesus promises He can do the same.) 

In Matthew 11:28 Jesus says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life.” 

In other words, Jesus inquires, ‘What have the circumstances or storm you have been navigating this last year or season stolen from you? Have you lost your joy or your strength, your peace or purpose? Have you lost your hope for better days to come or your faith in a God who is good and knows what He’s doing?’ If so, Jesus promises it all can be recovered. 

I love how sure Jesus is of His salvage skills: “Come to Me…and you will recover your life.” 

Like Mark Angel, Jesus makes bold promises to salvage any item, any part of us, from any place, at any time, no matter how raging the storm or circumstance that stole it from our grasp. I picture Jesus willingly and unflinchingly plunging into the depths, much like Mark Angel, to search for and retrieve what we have lost when others (including ourselves) have long since given up. 

This is encouraging because, over the last few years, there are areas of my life and my heart that have felt more lost than ever. (Maybe you feel the same way.)

Thanks to more than a decade of infertility I have felt at times like I may never be able to dream again. I’ve had empty arms and an empty womb for so long that I don’t know how or even what to dream anymore. 

And at times I’ve even felt like I lost my voice. It’s been so long since I’ve let people into my heart and my deepest questions; it’s been so long since I let anyone into my mess. Even now as I sit down to write I’m afraid I won’t have what it takes, that I may never find the right words to say. 

And worse, God feels far and I fear I’ll never feel His closeness again. I worry the best days are behind me and that I’ll never again watch God triumph gloriously over my darkest and most confusing days. 

But what I’ve come to realize is this: I didn’t irreparably lose my voice, nor did I lose my strength and my purpose. I didn’t lose my faith, my hope, or the ability to hear my God speak, it all just needs to be recovered. And Jesus promises, with Him, it can be. 

Jesus is saying to each of us, ‘I see what the storms of these last years have stolen from you, how it has changed you. I know you feel unrecognizable from who you once were and that you fear you will never be the same, but you don’t know the lengths I will go to, the depths I’ll plunge, and the capabilities I have if you call out to me.

If you make it a priority to come to Me in this New Year…you will recover what has been lost in your life. With My help, you will regain possession of the person I’ve made you to be and the plans and purposes I have spoken over your life. There’s nothing of you that’s too lost it can’t be recovered, there’s nothing too bad that it can’t be redeemed and used for good. I’ll never stop searching until what feels forever lost has been found and what feels beyond repair has been painstakingly put back together again (especially, when what’s been fractured most is your view and trust in Me.) 

‘I’ll do whatever it takes,’ Jesus says as He plunges into the darkest, most violent waters we have found ourselves in.’

‘…Even, if it requires rock climbing the river floor.’ 

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out? Come to Me. Get away with Me and you’ll recover your life.” Matthew 11:28

1.http://www.mountainonline.com/angel-nine-fingers 2.”https://www.oregonlive.com/news/2008/08/the_monday_profile_mark_angel.html