If you feel like God is ignoring you, you’re probably right.

 

I know, I know… God’s timing is perfect and He will give us the desires of our hearts. I’m both familiar with these truths and believe they hold true.

But that being said, REALLLLLY, tho… God is ignoring me.

…and the two pregnancy tests in my hand are proof.

 

Fun fact: Did you know it takes three years for an unused pregnancy test to expire? –THREE – flipping – YEARS!!!! Yet here they are; unopened, and expiring in two months.

As I ran my fingers along the foil packaging this last week, I couldn’t help but think how those two pieces of plastic were such incriminating proof that God had been letting all of my calls go straight to voicemail (at least in this area.) How those two pregnancy tests were purchased, you guessed it… three years ago. But how we’ve wanted a baby for so much longer than that (5 1/2 years to be exact.)

I thought back to when my daughter was 6 months old and how we had started trying to have another child. How God closed that door. How I had pleaded with Him to allow me to be pregnant by my daughter’s 2nd birthday. How I watched as her 3rd…4th…5th… birthdays came and went, with no hope of a baby in sight. How she turned six this month.

“You’re right,” God acknowledged, “…I have been ignoring you.”

(And strangely, He didn’t even try to deny it.)

In Matthew 15 (MSG) a woman is pleading with Jesus for a miracle. She asks not once… not twice… but numerous times. Yet, scripture says something shocking:

It says, …Jesus ignored her. (The Bible’s words, not mine.)

Even still, we watch as the woman refuses to be deterred. But Jesus takes it a step further…

…He refuses her.

I don’t know about you, but I could have handled the times God ignored me. But when He refused me? Well… quite frankly, that enraged me!

How I had prayed over that empty room in my home, believing it would one day hold all the memories and onesies of my next child. How I had imagined where I’d position the crib and the color I would paint the walls, and how I celebrated the miracle it was that my husband and I were – even considering – having another baby (when just a couple of years earlier, we were much more preoccupied with looking up divorce attorneys.)

How in spite of all of my hopes and prayers and belief for that baby, the room stayed empty and unpainted; how instead, the medical bills piled on the counter next to the coffee pot after the miscarriage.

Believe me when I say, I know God’s refusal stings. Much like when your toddler unnecessarily swipes you across the face with the palm of their hand as you’re feeding them a spoonful of peas. How everything in you wants to grab God sternly by the hand and declare, THAT. WAS. NOT. NICE. How at times you can almost feel Him laughing at you. At best, He’s not taking you seriously.

I’m sure the woman in the passage felt the same way. But nevertheless, she refused to budge in her belief.

We find her on her hands and knees now; begging… pleading… believing… for the miracle she heard He’s capable of doing. She’s heard all about this man named Jesus and what others have said He can do, and now she wants to see it with her own eyes. She refuses to relinquish her position until she does.

And it says this:

…Jesus gave in.

Don’t miss this sequence of events:

Jesus ignored her.

Jesus refused her.

Jesus gave in.

God is ignoring you, you’re right… This wont be a post trying to talk you out of that. (Though I’m sure there are beautiful ones that smell like rainbows and unicorns and are titled ‘God’s timing is perfect’ that may try. This just isn’t one of them.)

I’m here today not to change your mind, but to pose a question — A question straight to the area in which you feel most ignored by God, and the very thing you’ve nearly given up believing for because of it. (It’s the same question God put on my heart this last month when the birthday festivities and those two plastic sticks, represented every unanswered prayer I have prayed.)

God is asking us to consider this:

How many times have we given up, right before He was about to give in?

How many times have we given up on a dream… a calling… heck, a person… right before God was about to swoop in and do what only He can do?

Because like the woman in this passage, our most unrelenting pleas have indeed been rejected (God’s not denying that.) But what if they’re also – just one step away – from being answered?

What if we’re right, God’s rescue is nowhere in sight… but what if it’s also just around the corner?

That’s how it was for Paul.

In Acts 27:20, Paul says these words while hopelessly lost at sea, “It had been many days since we had seen either sun or stars. Wind and waves were battering us unmercifully, and we lost all hope of rescue.”

I wonder how many prayers Paul cried out to God before he lost all hope of rescue? Because here’s the thing… it was just around the corner.

If you’re like me, you haven’t seen the sun or stars in a long time. Not only has God ignored you, He’s refused you, and now it seems you’ve been enveloped in this storm for so long, you fear the miracle you’ve been praying for will never happen. Or worse, that God is no longer listening. Sometimes you swear you can even feel Him laughing at you.

You’ve sent out well over 100 resumes and received not even a single call back. The nursery has stayed empty for going on 6 years now, and the pregnancy tests aren’t just negative, they aren’t even opened! You’ve cried. You’ve gotten on your hands and knees. You’ve said something to God to the tone of, THAT. WAS. NOT. NICE!!!

And yah know what we’ve received in return?

*crickets…

Notta.

Nothing.

God’s not denying that. He’s simply asking why we lost hope in the miracle because of it? Why we’ve falsely believed that because we can’t see the sun and stars today, that somehow that means they no longer exist at all?

Today God’s asking us to take hold of the prayer we’ve given up praying, and to believe for the miracle it would be that His redemption and the fulfillment of that prayer is right around the corner.

(His redemption for you & me & baby Ortiz.)

 

 

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Krista Ortiz

 

 

 

 

49 thoughts on “If you feel like God is ignoring you, you’re probably right.”

    1. Hi, I was near to give up everything. Even suicide. Thank you, I have read your story and I honestly looked to Heaven and told God I will not give up, for He will answer my prayer. Jesus Bless you

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      1. Thank you for this comment and for your vulnerability. I have been there more times than I would like to admit and have made the same decision you made to not give up (And God has never failed to show up for me and make things right — not always in the time frame I would have wanted, but always, nonetheless.) Praying that God shows up for you in the next few days and weeks to show you that He sees you, that He hasn’t forgotten you, and that He has such gloriously wonderful days prepared for you in the future. Thanks again for your vulnerability. You are so much braver than you realize.

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    2. True for everyone but me. God needs a punching bag and I’m it continually hit. My prayers is for him to take me.

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    3. I’m here now. I don’t even feel like He’s laughing at me. I feel like I don’t exist for Him. I’ve been battling with my health. It’s getting worse and I’ve prayed and pleaded and cried so many times but there’s no relief. I’d even welcome death now but even that isn’t given to me.

      I’m so tired. I don’t know what to do anymore.

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      1. Hej I’ve been there. Struggling with chronic pain, chronic illness, severe anxiety, ptsd and depression. All while having to put up with an abusive family and burying both parents. I’m not even 30. And being married or having kids is what I call normal people privileges. Some days I wish I had covid so at least I would know when I would join my mum. The only thing that’s brought me through is being supported by Christian friends who fast and pray. Seeking out healing and deliverance ministries for prayer. I honestly think I would have committed suicide if I had not received prayer from Godly people. (not exactly delighted to be alive, but at least I don’t spend my days bent over in agony) I think I understand what you mean by being so tired, like you don’t feel able to take on anymore suffering. I genuinely hope you can find Godly Christians who will support you through this. God bless you

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      2. Wow, that is so sad.. and I feel the exact thing, I haven’t even had a full night’s rest like in 7 months, I hate my life

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      3. Sorry to hear that. Ill pray for you. I know the feeling and sympathize. I have no answer, just that your not alone. If I could change it I would. Hope God give you what you want and need.

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    4. As a young christian teenager, I believed that god would send that special mate.
      I waited, believed, praying, expecting.
      I’m 64 now and realizing it’s never going to happen.
      Seems like I could have at least have gotten an explanation of WHY!
      I still wait for god to answer my prayers. Still being ignored.
      Even just a friendly encounter would be evidence that god heard me and answered.

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    5. God ignores all people throughout our lives, but then goes in about how mighty he is. Through his little trials and games, he allows anxiety, depression, OCD and PTSD to develop and worsen until a person is sick with several mental illnesses. While we’re suffering, he’s demanding faith. While we’re exhausted, he’s confused and uninterested. Mental illnesses are serious and debilitating diseases. Anxiety is no joke yet God downplays it saying, “don’t be anxious for anything?” His little games are the reasons the person has anxiety. I’ve completely lost my faith. I believe in God. I don’t think he’s that big.

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      1. I’m so sorry to hear of your pain and frustration. I understand as I have a daughter that was stricken with a autoimmune disease and have to watch her be limited to a lot of things that other children have the privileges’ to do. This is my youngest daughter and of course I prayed and prayed that God wouldn’t allow it to be so but it is. However, what I have and still am learning in this journey called life is that God as the writer well stated sometimes doesn’t say anything. Sometimes he answers yes, sometimes HIS answer is wait, and as hard as it is for us to except sometimes He says no. God want always turn our situations around as we think He should. Sometimes He will simply give you the strength to endure and in this God sends other people our way with similar struggles so that we can be that comforting agent of strength in the midst of life’s disparities. The biggest reality I had to except is that God want always maneuver things to our liking but will often give us the strength to cope.

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    6. I gave up asking for friends…..25 years later….I don’t care anymore. I do care that at least two of my adult children are being ignored by God also. And the desires of their hearts are not only being denied them…its being rubbed in their faces out of their control. It says in Roman’s that God chooses who he bestows blessings. We’re not those he choose. I am tired of chasing after him.

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  1. Yes, yes, yes. But what happens when time on earth runs out? My mother/family/friends prayed and prayed for a son lost in addiction, for his restoration. By the time he conquered addiction, his mind was about burned out from the drugs and alcohol, ended up dying from lung cancer. How was that an answer to prayer? Now as a mother myself of an opiate addicted son, who is currently in recovery, I live with the fear that an odd twitch or chemical misfire could undo all the progress he’s made. It’s just so hard sometimes. I never stop believing in the miracle, I guess I’ve seen so many unanswered or when the answer is “refused”, that it’s hard to believe it will ever happen, even though I keep hoping. I keep hoping and praying to turn the corner and see the blessings some get to where it all makes sense. But for now, it’s just unending pleading and praying. I read a quote not too long ago – “For as long as we breathe, we hope”. This life doesn’t make sense to me at times.

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  2. But you see, sometimes what you are asking for is not good for your salvation, so instead of giving you what you are asking for, God gives you what you NEED for your soul. I’ve been praying and praying and praying that my marriage be saved. My husband is due to leave this house, oh……yeah……today. Except he’s not. He’s still here and still saying he’s leaving, while finding excuse after excuse as to why he’s still here. Now mind you, I DO NOT want him to leave. After 42 years of loving him, (and most of the time I still do), I want him with me here. It would be even better if he were here still loving me and being the wonderful man I knew for 42 years, but I’d even settle for the p.i.t.a. he has become, (while still praying for him to soften his heart and me to love him through the nastiness), in the hope that it will work out. I believe with all my heart that God does NOT want marriages to break up. They aren’t contracts, they are covenants, and you don’t mess with a covenant between you, someone else, and God. But what God has been saying to me is what I want is NOT good for my salvation for Him to answer that particular prayer. Now mind you, I haven’t totally given up. I’ve just changed the prayer a bit, tweaked it here and there and still have the bottom line of “save my marriage”, but with a big dose of “save OUR souls” and a “please help me become the woman You want me to be that I may live in Your perfect will.” I don’t know why my husband is still here. It doesn’t matter why. I’m just thanking God for each day and wondering over everything that is playing out, and still storming heaven for my marriage to last till death, not man, do us part.

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  3. I definitely needed this read today. I had given up praying for that one thing that I so desperately hoped for over the last 18 years, and although it is something I still hope for I was/am tired of being disappointed… this helped me realize that I need to continue. God is there, God Loves me and he knows the end of the story.

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  4. I lived with being told I was infertile for 15 yrs. I just had my first baby in May and am pregnant with my second. This morning, I kid you not, my morning was spent praying for the mama’s fighting to have a baby. I know the pain. I know the heartache every time you get your period after it was late. I’m terribly sorry God hasn’t answered this for you, but I will continue to pray and plead to him for you and many other women who struggle.

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    1. This is amazing tara! Amazing to think you were praying that on the exact day I posted this! Celebrating god’s miracles in YOUR life!! Because that same powerful god is working on my behalf! 🙌🏼

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    2. I have been divorced for ten years now….I remember praying and fasting til I lost alot of weight and refused to eat until I heard from God…my ex just got remarried I have not had boyfriend or any real relationship for 10 years. Yes I have made mistakes because of lonliness. Each church I join the ppl either ignore me or I always feel like an outsider. I suffer from depression daily and my body constantly has so many issues. I live most of days in physical pain. All I ask is for someone to talk too.I told God I can deal with health issues, my disconnect from my family, my job that I dislike, my kids that dont appreciate me but all I desire is to get remarried. I have so much pressure on me everyday and just miss that companionship n someone to hold me through the pain……In faith I have written my vows, guest list menu and even colours.I fasted and fasted and prayed and prayed til I just gave up. I am the butt of everyone’s single jokes. It may sound like such a silly or simple thing but I always believed that a God that did so many miraculous things as small as this request is would hear me….mentally I am trying to hold together but I am struggling bad.

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  5. I hope you are right! Thank you for your messages..
    in the midst of my pain and hurt as my husband goes ahead with a divorce petition in the next coming weeks.. I am slowly losing all hope and all faith and trust in man and God.
    And it breaks me to say that.

    All i want is one simple answer, should i stand or not for the man i love and for my marriage.. And all i get is silence.. Are my prayers not enough?
    I do know God has only good things planned for me. But its very difficult when the road ahead looks lonely and bleak.

    I can only try and have faith that my answer is just around the corner.

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  6. Thank you for this Krista. This week I have given up. For the past 4 years I have prayed every day and asked god to give my daughter strength and to make sure that the brain tumour that she had removed never returned. This week we found out that it has. I have never felt so alone and questioned my faith the way I have this week. Thank you for the message and the inspiration.

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    1. I feel you, I am so sorry. You start to wonder if you’re saying the right things, and become so superstitious you begin to wonder things like: am I standing in the right direction when praying? Is Jesus communication thwarted and distorted due to WiFi? Then words and messages start manifesting in the mind.. not Jesus or Fathers voice, it’s your own voice. So you become fixated and proving it’s Him and not your voice.. spoiler: there is NO way to verify if he’s not talking to you. I’ve walked away, the frustration has me considering suicide nearly daily. Never was the the case prior to me ‘seeking Jesus’.

      Wish I could go back to the way things were and never have gone down this path because now.. I am a hardcore drug addict and my life is falling apart. Never should’ve read the Bible with intent to prove the myth true.. my bad

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  7. I appreciate how you’re straight forward about saying he probably is, but I don’t like your example. In Matt. 15, Jesus actively says no to a person and they persist. In my case, I’ve prayed and didn’t even hear a refusal, it’s been like talking to the wind. I wouldn’t be the same kind of crushed if I were like David when he was praying for the child to live and God informed him it wouldn’t. It’s more that he’s my heavenly father but he’s much more confusing than an earthly one; if my dad wasn’t taking my calls I’d know we had an issue. With God I’m just left puzzled and sad with no means of resolution that I know of.

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  8. This is exactly what I needed. I’ve been depressed for 11 years and feeling purposeless. I’m been seeking for peace, some kind of change in my heart and I’m really really struggling, but I guess I’ll hold to this belief that my blessing is around the corner, because if it isn’t then I’m as good as dead.

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    1. That’s what I think, which is fine but damn when we get our hopes up and dedicate 750 days building a one sided relationship with Jesus, doing everything the Bible says.. yeah it’s frustrating

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    2. Sorry ma’am, that’s incorrect, I’m sorry if this post or the comments have made you feel this way, the culture here is not very insightful and incites anger, confusion, and sadness.

      You could talk to God about this, not exactly expecting an audible answer like we would with a human, he has reached out to people in ways that are pretty fascinating, I hope that your thoughts will be changed on this subject.

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  9. It’s funny, I’ve never considered suicide as a viable option, in fact I had never been able relate to those who somehow feel like that’s the better of two options. Well in 2017 I began slipping off track, making big mistakes, all this coinciding with me asking Jesus into my life. I had a lot of positive confirmations, lots of messages and blah blah blah..

    Life has gotten horrendous and I am not even praying for anything anymore, just crying until I’m sick of living begging and pleading for Him to please just give me the comfort of knowing He’s really there. That knowing would improve my life, mindset, attitude etc.

    I just hate this, this sucks so bad, I’ve fasted and waited almost two years for something.. anything. Spending time studying word and praying over working and making money, making personal improvement. So sick of this I get sick every time I think of Him and all this delusional junk.

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    1. To me, it sounds as though that relationship with God was a bit too formal, I hope that is cathartic to hear, fasting and praying are things that we do for God, but sometimes we find ourselves doing those actions themselves without meaning anything, it’s like how some people can pray the Rosary twice in a day, but end up not having a relationship with God.

      Sorry you’re feeling that way, I think the person who wrote this post and some of the commenters have got God wrong, I’m not condemning them at all, I hope they are happy to realize that God is not so despotic as they have thought him to be.

      There are a lot of ideas in the comments that are insanity-inducing, which is FAR from what God wants.

      I’d be happy to elaborate, just so you know, if you ever get that “bored and legalistic” feeling from seeing stuff related to God (I certainly get that, it happened to the saints, which I aspire to be one of,) either because it brings back bad memories, it just feels empty, or you are emotional and confused (I can really relate to that,) then just know that these are normal things, and don’t let those stay in your head, try and rejoice in God, you won’t regret it.

      I suggest you join the Catholic Church, unlike what many people may say, we are Christians, and we don’t worship Mary (we ask her to pray directly to God for us.)

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  10. Were is this bend or corner that holds the answers. I have prayed for 40 years for help getting out of poverty. I am still waiting. I thank God for Jesus and all that means, but I don’t understand why God is taking so long. I too wish God would at least give some indication that He hears me. God’s perfect timing would be a lot easier to accept with a little input from God, not this never ending silence. I grew up in poverty in a rural area with no opportunity to get a decent education. Thus I have never been able to afford high priced education or training. Lack of education left me without any skills to help me get a decent paying job. The basic cycle of poverty. You said to not give up, but decades of unanswered prayers has left me with precious little faith. I have been depressed as long as I can remember. I also have come to realize that a big part of this depression is because of God’s inaction. If God needs me to change something before He will answer my prayers, I need God to tell me what I need to change. I fix anything if I don’t know what is wrong. God’s silence is destroying me. I guess that I will have to die before God will pay attention to me. The only thing stopping me from ending this life is my fear of a Hell worse than the Hell I’m already in. I try everyday to believe that God cares about me, but the silence makes it impossible.

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  11. Too late for me. I’m 64 and no baby. No husband now either. After 22 years of trying to make the marriage a success it failed and I got divorced.

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  12. I firmly believe in God’s grace and limitless love. I just do not believe that it is available to everyone. Some people are immensely blessed by God and they live lives of witness and wonder. Some people totally ignore God and their lives still are blessed by God. And a few people, like me and others. try to speak with God and all we get is nothing. Even if God said No to me, it would be better than being ignored. I still hold out hope for others and most of them are blessed, but I neither hope for nor expect anything for me from God.

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    1. Hi Mark,
      I completely agree with you. I can’t comprehend how happy, grateful, thankful, content, for the No answer. My soul would do backflips over that. I can’t describe how much even No would mean to me. Over 40 years of nothing takes a toll on you, both physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. That No answer would be the healing stroke. I keep being told that I am delusional for wanting an audible answer. Like God can’t speak audibly without something bad happening if you actually heard His voice. I say how many times in the Bible does speak too people without them dieing, so why not me or you? I believe that God’s silence is the destroyer of faith, just mix in time. Nice to read that other people think like me. I read that you don’t expect anything from God, but I’ll say it anyway. God Bless You Mark, in Jesus name. Amen

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  13. My biggest fear is that the pain, and sorrow, and sense of loss will be waiting for me when I die. And then it will be for eternity. Long time to be ignored…forsaken. An eternal broken heart is more than any soul could possibly bear. So I continue to pray for my miracle. Not really for my hope and dream anymore…but to save my poor soul.

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  14. I just ran across this. I cried even more after i read not to give up on my prayer. Its so difficult. I feel like giving in because at times i lose all hope as to whether this will actually happen for me. I feel tired. And hopeless. I dont want this hurt and all the crying. i guess ill stay the course.

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  15. Hi I’ve been praying for years and no response. I feel so alone . I don’t really want to live without God but he just ignores me. It makes me so sad but I’m going to try and enjoy my life as much as I can. Just trying to be a good person and help others when I can. I’m on my own and I’m making my peace with that

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  16. I can’t believe I read the entire thing. I guess the only positive thing that was present in this spiel is that a Christian woman had a miscarriage – that way she didn’t have to end up brainwashing another child. Please do not attempt to mate anymore. Spend those time trying to what you Christians do best – cherrypicking favorable scriptures and events to indoctrinate weak people.

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  17. My question is why? It’s seems like a game. Why not acknowledge the people on the brink of losing hope or faith who are crying out for help? Only to then damn them to “hell” because they didn’t keep faith. Faith in what? Unanswered pleas, no proof of existence, and the world crumbling around them. I was raised Catholic but I’m now 20 and am growing more and more confused on what the point of this all is.

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  18. Thank you Krista. I was in that pit again tonight, searched and landed on your article, was expecting you flip on faith judging by your initial tone. I was on that verge of breaking too. Thank you for sticking to the truth in the end. You helped me stick to mine today.

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  19. Well, I’ve given up, admittedly. It is apparent I’m cursed, for whatever the reasons. I’ve always done right, done right by others, but this decade of hell is about all I can stand. It’s clear to me there is no higher power; and it’s just to make people feel better, to keep positively thinking. Otherwise, man would turn into its primal self and take what he wanted.

    You are welcome to show me I am wrong.

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  20. Jesus giving in is not just right around the corner. Not for me. I’m done. I’m done with the unanswered prayers. He’s not saying “no” to my prayers. He’s not responding to them at all. I’ve given up. The God I “know”, if I know him at all, is cruel and arbitrary and not worth following if this is how he’s going to treat me.

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  21. I can relate to every one of these comments. Every word of this excruciating pain. Ironically it led me to pray. I found myself praying for everyone who commented here and pouring out to the Lord the prayers for others that I’m too weak to pray for myself. Telling him they’re in pain and can’t even get a breath from the hopelessness. I am in the same pain myself but was able to release that in prayer for others. Interestingly, I saw the Lord’s compassion for each person. I think I will do it again as it helped me remember who God is again a little bit. Another interesting thing that I thought while praying was that all here are God’s people who need love and people and what if God could get people like us together in real life because we all need the same thing and he provides needs through his people. Anyway, I ache for everyone who is hurting and after praying am convinced God sees each one and will help.

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  22. I really wish I could believe this, but I can’t. How many kept their faith, kept holding on, kept waiting, and then died, never having received the help they begged God for countless times?

    “God’s timing is perfect” – I have a hard time squaring that with him deciding to help only after I’m already dead (if ever).

    God ignored me. In fact, from his utter silence (my entire life), I think it’s safe to assume he’s refused me as well. But I don’t believe for a second that he’s about to give in. He’s God. He doesn’t have to change his mind about anything, ever, least of all the needs of some schmuck like me.

    God’s not here to help me. I’m here to be a tool for him to use, and to use without any regard to my happiness or well-being. I’m nothing more to him than a wrench.

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  23. This is very interesting.
    I am in a situation where I have prayed almost every day for the last 3 years apart from the times I have lost faith and fallen out with God.
    That I’m itself is a sin because I have doubted Him. I do my best in life and if he would only rid me of the situation I am in, I could do more, much more.
    He couldn’t rid me of all this in 1 second and I would be a new man in seconds, and no harm would be done to anyone, only Good.
    I only want Good and to be able to go home to pay all the Bills and be with my family.
    It would benefit my wife, Daughter, son, Brother and sister, all of us would be released from this ongoing hell.
    Why won’t He help, I go to mass when I can and would go more if all this went because I would be better placed. I have confessed in a confession box 3 times.
    There is lots more but I am not wanting to blow my own trumpet, all I want is peace, love to be happy and to help anyone I can, even strangers like I always have.
    I need God in my life but it looks like he is not interested.
    Every day is Fear, Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Crying.
    I don’t Understand.

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    1. Christine, I am so sorry. I know the feeling and was there again tonight. But recently I have had glimmers of hope. I felt like God whispered for me to look at the cross and really think about what it meant for him to shed blood for me and to open my heart to the idea that he actually loves me. I’ve heard him say for awhile “that isn’t me”. That he doesn’t ignore and that he gave everything, his very life, for my trauma, that he is the only person who did not ignore or look away but faced it head on. He does love us. I had yelled at him tonight and cried and said I can’t do it anymore. But lately he has been gently telling me to look at what he did on the cross because that’s who he really is and everything else is a lie. Satan wants you dead. Jesus bought you with a very high price. I don’t know your story but mine is full of abuse and I came to believe God is abusive and doesn’t care. It certainly feels like it. I am praying for you right now because I hate this horrible place you’re in, it is the worst feeling in the world and makes me angry at whatever caused it. I pray God will send you hope. Real hope. Soon.

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