I know, I know… God’s timing is perfect and He will give us the desires of our hearts. I’m both familiar with these truths and believe they hold true.
But that being said, REALLLLLY, tho… God is ignoring me.
…and the two pregnancy tests in my hand are proof.
Fun fact: Did you know it takes three years for an unused pregnancy test to expire? –THREE – flipping – YEARS!!!! Yet here they are; unopened, and expiring in two months.
As I ran my fingers along the foil packaging this last week, I couldn’t help but think how those two pieces of plastic were such incriminating proof that God had been letting all of my calls go straight to voicemail (at least in this area.) How those two pregnancy tests were purchased, you guessed it… three years ago. But how we’ve wanted a baby for so much longer than that (5 1/2 years to be exact.)
I thought back to when my daughter was 6 months old and we started trying to have another child. How God closed that door. How I had pleaded with Him to allow me to be pregnant by my daughter’s 2nd birthday. How I watched as her 3rd…4th…5th… birthdays came and went, with no hope of a baby in sight. How she turned six this month.
“You’re right,” God acknowledged, “…I have been ignoring you.”
(And strangely, He didn’t even try to deny it.)
In Matthew 15 (MSG) a woman is pleading with Jesus for a miracle. She asks not once… not twice… but numerous times. Yet, scripture says something shocking:
It says, …Jesus ignored her. (The Bible’s words, not mine.)
Even still, we watch as the woman refuses to be deterred. But Jesus takes it a step further…
…He refuses her.
I don’t know about you, but I could have handled the times God ignored me. But when He refused me? Well… quite frankly, that enraged me!
How I had prayed over that empty room in my home, believing it would one day hold all the memories and onesies of my next child. How I had imagined where I’d position the crib and the color I would paint the walls, and how I celebrated the miracle it was that my husband and I were – even considering – having another baby (when just a couple of years earlier, we were much more preoccupied with looking up divorce attorneys.)
How despite all of my hopes and prayers and belief for that baby, the room stayed empty and unpainted; how instead, the medical bills piled on the counter next to the coffee pot after the miscarriage.
Believe me when I say, I know God’s refusal stings. Much like when your toddler unnecessarily swipes you across the face with the palm of their hand as you’re feeding them a spoonful of peas. How everything in you wants to grab God sternly by the hand and declare, THAT. WAS. NOT. NICE. How at times you can almost feel Him laughing at you. At best, He’s not taking you seriously.
I’m sure the woman in the passage felt the same way. But nevertheless, she refused to budge in her belief.
We find her on her hands and knees now; begging… pleading… believing… for the miracle she heard He’s capable of doing. She’s heard all about this man named Jesus and what others have said He can do, and now she wants to see it with her own eyes. She refuses to relinquish her position until she does.
And it says this:
…Jesus gave in.
Don’t miss this sequence of events:
Jesus ignored her.
Jesus refused her.
…Jesus gave in.
God is ignoring you, you’re right… This won’t be a post trying to talk you out of that. (Though I’m sure there are beautiful ones that smell like rainbows and unicorns and are titled ‘God’s timing is perfect’ that may try. This just isn’t one of them.)
I’m here today not to change your mind, but to pose a question — A question straight to the area in which you feel most ignored by God, and the very thing you’ve nearly given up believing for because of it. (It’s the same question God put on my heart this last month when the birthday festivities and those two plastic sticks, represented every unanswered prayer I have prayed.)
God is asking us to consider this:
How many times have we given up, right before He was about to give in?
How many times have we given up on a dream… a calling… heck, a person… right before God was about to swoop in and do what only He can do?
Because like the woman in this passage, our most unrelenting pleas have indeed been rejected (God’s not denying that.) But what if they’re just one step away from being answered?
What if we’re right, God’s rescue is nowhere in sight… but what if it’s also just around the corner?
That’s how it was for Paul.
In Acts 27:20, Paul says these words while hopelessly lost at sea, “It had been many days since we had seen either sun or stars. Wind and waves were battering us unmercifully, and we lost all hope of rescue.”
I wonder how many prayers Paul cried out to God before he lost all hope of rescue? Because here’s the thing… it was just around the corner.
If you’re like me, you haven’t seen the sun or stars in a long time. Not only has God ignored you, He’s refused you, and now it seems you’ve been enveloped in this storm for so long, that you fear the miracle you’ve been praying for will never happen. Or worse, that God is no longer listening. Sometimes you swear you can even feel Him laughing at you.
You’ve sent out well over 100 resumes and received not even a single call back. The nursery has stayed empty for going on 6 years now, and the pregnancy tests aren’t just negative, they aren’t even opened! You’ve cried. You’ve gotten on your hands and knees. You’ve said something to God to the tone of, THAT. WAS. NOT. NICE!!!
And you know what we’ve received in return?
*crickets…
Notta.
Nothing.
God’s not denying that. He’s simply asking why we lost hope in the miracle because of it? Why do we falsely believe that because we can’t see the sun and stars today? Somehow, that means they no longer exist at all.
Today God’s asking us to take hold of the prayer we’ve given up praying, and to believe for the miracle it would be that His redemption and the fulfillment of that prayer is right around the corner.
His redemption for you, for me & baby Ortiz.
UPDATE 9/9/24: For those asking, God is still ignoring me and I’m still writing about it (and about a bunch of other stuff He is doing in my life that I don’t *right now* understand) Check it out HERE —Along with some posts listed below that might encourage you that you aren’t alone, that God is not done, and He can handle your toughest questions in the meantime. Crawling through the trenches with you ❤
Other Posts that Will Encourage You:
I’m Doing Everything God Wants Me to Do, and I’m Disappointed By the Results
When God feels Far & His Love Nonexistent
Krista Ortiz 
Faith the size of a mustard seed is all you need.
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This is a great article and very much needed right now. I’ve been struggling majorly with my faith right now. I know God exist. I’ve seen it in my family. Between near death experiences in my family, cancer, & the bills that came after the miracles, he has been thru it with us. As grateful as I am and I can’t help but ask why does it seem like he only helps us in the worst possible way. Yes the doctors preformed heart & brain surgeries on my daughter and they were successful but now the bills are piling up. Yes they caught my wife’s cancer early but she still had to go thru chemo. Yes I got a promotion when I needed more income for family but got stuck working with some very difficult non believing co-workers. Yes I got a new job when my son was born but then had no clue what I was doing anymore. Yes, I finally made a few close friends, only to over share with them and not like the cold response they gave. Yes, the home repair was cheaper than expected but the next day my car check engine light came on. The best analogy I can come up with is if you were drowning in the middle of the ocean and ask God for help, what appears is a half deflated inner tube. Yes it works and I’m not saying I wish it was a yacht but couldn’t it have been a bit more stable raft. Couldn’t the medical diagnosis be better than expected. Couldn’t the unexpected bill be half the blessing refund you weren’t expecting instead of all of it. I need to remind myself, even if I feel the storm I’m is worst than most my age would have to go thru, when God finally gives in to my prayers for stability and less anxiety, it will be grand.
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I just feel like God is straight up ignoring me. I cant feel his presense in my life and it really hits hard. I feel like the devil is getting through to me ( I will never let him get through tho) I feel like the devil’s temptation is working and I have prayed and prayed and prayed. Iv’e prayed that this boy that I like would like me back, But NO. You know what happens next? HE GETS A GIRLFRIEND AND I’M STANDING HERE LIKE WHAT THE HECK GOD, THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ASKED!!!! I believe that the reason for all of this is God puting us through trials to test our relationship with him, to see if he does something bad to you that you will stay with him and keep believing.
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I feel like He’s just not even hearing because ignoring someone can also change if they persist on getting your attention you can end up paying attention.How I pray that I come back here with a different comment…totally opposing this one
.
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I’m sorry you suffered like that for so long. It so awful and isolating.
The Spirit left me 9 years ago in my darkest days when …my very small family of 3 beloved people died all in 6 month time span. I always thought I had him to rely on for my darkest times. So much for being a faithful God.
There are days I imagine I feel the awesomeness of his love and of his return but it’s my own imagination. I’ve been dumped like a cad boyfriend who stands you up prom night (no, didn’t happen) but so much for reliability and a faithful God.
I find the bible and keeping laws and ordinances terrifying and…..why are we here on earth to deny our sweetest passions … I understand anything not to excess… Goodbye beautiful lover, I need my life to be devoid of you and choose instead to live in the gray ancient stories denying myself life as an earthly creature. No wonder wine is prominent in the bible…lol
Life within nature is somehow against God.
I’m here to suffer and suffering upon suffering because suffering is good. It’s for a reason, I’ll be so happy as some distant time maybe. This sounds blasphemous, probably is, but when I read the Bible I feel fear and dread and disappointment…..I suspect the enemy managed to put his finger in the bible to write some of his own.
Wish I wasn’t born to only to be destined to Hell for eternity. I pray and talk to a God who has turned his face away and discover the duality of his creation, the other face being the dark face. I pray that when I die to please have mercy and let my soul become void. Unfavored, I’d rather not exist for the terror side of God. No I’m not a demon anymore than you. I’ve really helped people in need, but that doesn’t count. It counts I have a lover who is btw single and unencumbered. I just don’t know why God is not being love and available…I’m backing away slowly….
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I pray that you find faith in him again. The world has sucked us into a cyclone. I realized tonight the teaching of God was given to us wrong. In so many chapters you’d read where even when God gave so much to so many people got so comfortable they started idolizing the things of the world and forgetting God. For the Bible tells us he’s a jealous God. When I was young going to church I always thought that I was learning about the one creator. Now I see after reading on my own. The teaching of the Bible from the world of evil was bond to have its hands somewhere in the spiritual war. So don’t give up on faith . Just as we’re crying so is he . Look at our world now. We have lost his attention he’s angry for so many reasons . We just need to show him that we have repented and turned from our sins. I pray for you my friend in Jesus name!
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Does God know you as His child? Have you been born again? Because from your own words, it does not sound like you actually know God. You see the Bible as a denial of good things in life, you dread to read it and see it as a religion of works, you do not actually view the Word as God’s but suspect that the devil wrote some of it which is in complete contradiction of “All scripture is inspired by God”. You don’t see God as loving or merciful. You view your suffering as coming from God. You hope that you will just become void–also not how the scripture talks of Heaven and Hell. And you have a lover whom you may or may not be married to if I’m understanding correctly. This is a summary of your own words. It does not sound like you actually ever believed at all based on how you view scripture, God, and sin.
First of all, I want to say that I am sorry for your loss. It is a terrible heartbreak to lose loved ones, and your grief and bitterness are clearly felt in your post.
When Adam sinned, death entered the world. “For when you eat of the tree you will surely die.” It was not what God intended for His creation, and before we were even formed, He planned a way to save and restore that which was lost. God planned to restore it through His Son, so that all who believe in Him shall have eternal life. We think lightly of sin, but the wages of sin is death. God didn’t have to save us. He could’ve left us forever in this helpless state never to be redeemed. There is only one way to life and it is through Jesus.
We think lightly of our sin and think God will overlook it, but God is Holy and just. He takes no pleasure in wickedness and we will all be judged one day–those who have believed in Him to eternal life and those who have rejected His salvation to eternal death. He gives man free will to choose. You see the Bible as denying the good pleasures of life because you do not view sin in the right light. You believe God wants to deny you something good but sin is not good at all. The wages of it is death. Jesus says that if you look at a woman with lust, you commit adultery with her in your heart. If you hate someone, you commit murder in your heart. You do not know the true weight of your sin and you do not understand the underlying awful heart problem we have behind our sin.
God can’t overlook it because then he would be unjust. Like a criminal before a judge, some people believe that the judge will pardon them because the judge is good and because they had done some good things in their lives. But because the judge is good, he can’t let the criminal go free. He’s going to point out the heinous crimes the criminal committed and show him his sentence. And that sentence is “the wages of sin is death”.
I too, had thought lightly of my sin. I had grown up in church and thought I believed until God showed me my sin and how I had truly never repented of it. I didn’t want to be saved from sin; I just wanted to be saved from the consequences of it. Before, I had not really plead guilty and understood my need for a Savior. What I actually believed was shown in my actions: how I had little conviction of sin, how I prayed for selfish things and not for God’s will, and how I rarely spent five minutes with God yet expected to spend eternity with Him. Reading the Bible, praying, and a desire to live Holy are not what saves you, but they are fruits of salvation. If you have little desire to be free of sin, hardly any conviction, very little understanding of the Word of God, and little desire to pray–I believe these things often reveal our spiritual condition.
And it seems just by your words that you have not been made right with God yet. You have not truly believed in His son otherwise it would show in your actions and your words. I do not say this to condemn you but to give you hope as to where salvation can be found. I know the difference of saving faith and not saving faith having experienced it myself. My heart has been changed by God and He has graciously given me His Spirit, sealing me until the day of redemption. I have become a child of God whereas before I was in rebellion against Him. You must be born again to enter the kingdom of Heaven. The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life. God is abundantly merciful and loving, He chose to come down and live as a human beneath the stars he created, die for undeserving and evil people, and suffer an unjust, excruciating death on a cross where he was marred beyond recognition. He paid our debt on the cross with His death. Jesus took the punishment we deserved for our sins and He gave up His life for us. Before he died, he declared “it is finished”. Our debt is paid in full because of his sacrifice. The Holy Spirit raised Jesus from the dead, and when we choose to believe in Him and the work He did for us, we are crucified with Him and born again. Once we repent and turn to God, believing in Jesus for our salvation, God will give us a new heart and put His spirit within us so that we will love the righteousness we hated before. Jesus’s righteousness is credited to you and you are justified before God. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.
Please think long about this and do not reject the gift God offers you before it is too late. Turn to God while you still can.
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Keep the faith Sandy.
God is with you.
I’m sorry to hear about you losses.
Today may be tough. Tomorrow will guaranteely be better.
How? Were you able to eat one meal without feeing down? if so, that’s better than the day before.
Were you able to sleep comfortably for at least 15 minutes last night? If so, that’s also better than possibly previous days.
Pretty soon those mini reminders will pile up and remind you that a t Go is with you. He always has been. Keep the faith my friend.
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I prayed to the non existent Christian god for 24 miserable years, I went to church on Saturday and Sunday,got deliverance prayers read the Bible did everything possible to try and have a relationship with Jesus.It’s completely useless,Christianity is just a scam,it brainwashes people usually as children,makes amazing claims and delivers ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. The book of Job is obscene,god utterly destroys job,s life to win a bet with Satan.God and Jesus aren’t real they were created by primitive humans.My morality is superior to god’s,I wouldn’t destroy someone’s life to win a bet,god is a monster.
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It seems you already have more than most have, and here you complain that it’s not enough.
Your problems are superficial, as are most people’s problems.
Let’s talk about the rampant deforestation that consumers are causing on Earth and how the prayers of people who DEPEND on those forests are being ignored so that selfish consumers like you can continue living luxuriously.
Let’s talk about the rampant deforestation that consumers are causing on Earth and how the prayers of people who DEPEND on those forests are being ignored so that selfish consumers like you can continue living luxuriously.
There are far worse problems on Earth right now than you can imagine, but rather than DOING something about it, all you think about is yourself. That’s all I see any “christians” doing: praying for themselves, serving themselves, fattening themselves.
Our world is transforming into hell right now. And “christians” are doing nothing about it, except that they, as consumers, are the ones making it happen.
“Say a prayer”….that’ll really make a difference….
Your page, named after yourself, reminds me of Christ’s Words:
I am come in my Father’s name, and ye receive me not: if another shall come in his own name, him ye will receive.
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your response to my grievance is extremely unhelpful,and TYPICAL of people like you,who just want to ignore things that YOU consider inconvenient.
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Krista,
I understand you are in a rough place but this presentation of the Word here…yikes. Firstly the title and opening do a disservice. They encourage a perception about God that is incorrect and adds hurt people experience when we as believers need to do the opposite. It’s one thing to share your struggles, but this core across much different.
If I’m understanding, you’re referring to Matthew 15:21-28. If not, please let me know. Not sure which version you’re reading but what I read says that Jesus chose not to answer the woman once (definitely did not ignore her repeatedly) and then had a full conversation with her and ultimately gave her what she asked! He was testing her motivations (what are yours here?) and hear her heart while also teaching his disciples and ultimately blessing her. He didn’t repeatedly ignore her and throughout the Bible you do not see God ignoring people but instead remaining silent with a purpose or working in the background the entire time to deliver later.
We can’t always know why God is choosing not to grant us our request. We DO know it’s always with a lot going on that we don’t know, see, hear, or understand for many moons at a time. So we are unaware, finite, and don’t know the background, coordination or bigger picture.
God is not threatened by our questions and accepts our anger—but not disrespect when anger is acted on improperly. We see in scripture (OT Hebrews and NT with Jesus) that we can ask why—but our motivators are key. Our desires are from Him but everything we have is also from Him and our goal IS Him, to know Him DEEPER rather than bang our heads on the wall asking over and over for the same thing.
I agree with one person who commented, “at least you have a child that’s alive and whose existence isn’t denied by its grandparents.”
This, plus your title, your view on the scripture you use, seeing “no stars or moon” because you aren’t given another child, plus the bits about grabbing God’s hand like a toddler and telling Him how not nice He’s being?
Any one thing might be understandable but the entire post shows an attitude of condescension/disrespect, ungratefulness and obsessiveness. The focus on what you want.
God calls us to exude Him. Skewed/incorrect perspective about God hurts us and our relationship with Him; but posted publicly for others it continues pain and damage rather than turning toward Jesus as love and truth, and we are held accountable for that.
I encourage you to look like crazy for God’s heart for you in this! To ask for the desire to be quieted and to show Himself to you so you can get closer (perhaps you haven’t given it up to Him), rather than focusing on something you haven’t gotten yet.
Much love, sister
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This post has caused extreme anguish in me. This is just wrong and evil to the core. God doesnt ignore anyone, and youre twisting scripture to make God a monster
SHAME ON YOU. You are very very wicked and evil woman from hell. You have absolutely set me back YEARS in my faith. shame shame shame shame shame
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Nyb,
please don’t allow a blog post to damage your faith. I am astounded by this blog post by this lady. I have longed and peayed for children for 20 years but have none. Every Christian will have days or times when they struggle with how God is working or what He is doing. But Scripture says that children are a blessing from God; so God is not being cruel to this woman like she says. Likewise, God does not hate me because I haven’t had any children. Krista is obviously a journey but I would plead with her not to become bitter. Take what she clays as journey; she is not necessarily correct in her thinking. She will have to find this out herself. Please keep searching, praying. He id there for those who seek Him.
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dude chill lmao
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I just feel like giving up my faith, i never asked to be born, I never asked to survive death as an infant jjst to be hurled onto a family who hates me and abuses me verbally and mentally even unto adulthood, ive cried out to God, prayed got baptized, I feel like God is secretly evil.
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Dear Mr Jody,
I’m truly sorry for all that you’ve been through. I know firsthand how hard it is to reconcile the idea of a good and loving God with the pain and silence you’ve experienced. I understand because I’ve been where you are now.
But I have learned a few things since then:
Please turn to God, even in the midst of this, and listen to what He is saying to you. He loves you and is with you. The very fact that you are here is a testament to the work His Spirit is doing in you—beckoning you to Himself. So listen.
Take your anger, bitterness, fears, and even your unspoken doubts to Him. He already knows what you truly think and feel about Him, so don’t hold back. Fall at His feet, cry out, and pour out your heart before Him.
I have found Psalm 22 to be a powerful way to express my heart when I struggle to see how my circumstances fit the definition of “good.” The Psalms of David, in particular, echo so many of the thoughts and emotions you may be wrestling with right now. Read them. Pray them. And as you do, watch for how He responds.
I am convinced He is waiting—not for you to turn to Him in unbelief, but in faith, no matter how small. Even the act of bringing your complaints directly to Him is a step of faith. And when you do, He will answer..
And please, be mindful—some may come after this, trying to convince you that God is indifferent or even cruel. But know that this is not wisdom speaking; it is the enemy of your soul, working to seal your heart in bitterness and draw you even further from the freedom that awaits you in a closer relationship with God.
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Those who truly seek God He will not turn away or cast out
God is close to the brokenhearted ~GOD
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I would point out that we have a collection of Jewish writings we call the Bible because it records God answering people many times. Sometimes God came to the person (like Abraham/Moses/David, etc, or the first disciples being chosen) and promised them something when they weren’t even asking for it. Sometimes people were seeking God (Daniel, the community at Antioch asking about Paul/Barnabas). I am not so sure God has done that with me or anyone I know personally who believes. Sometimes a person was seeking God for some intervention. There are dozens of examples scattered through the history of the OT and NT that illustrate this. And we have record of them getting their answers. Maybe the answer didn’t come when the necessarily expected it. But the answer they wanted/needed was given. Hannah praying for a child. It was granted, even after years of infertility. David needed answers about battles. Simeon asking to witness the coming of first advent of the messiah before he died an old man. The answers came pretty quickly on what to do or where to go or who to ask for help, etc. The apostles needed understanding at times after their Messiah left. Usually the answer came pretty quickly. The point is that these people (all Jewish by the way) GOT an answer. And it was usually an answer that aided them, encouraged them, instructed them, challenged them, or supplied a need. And there were no qualifiers put on these prayers/requests. There was no multi-step process one had to go through. There was no test to see if there was enough ‘faith’. Heck even though Thomas was gently rebuked by the resurrected Messiah, he still got an answer because he had said unless he actually saw, heard, and touched the resurrected messiah he wasn’t going to believe anymore! The guy’s heart was shattered. Depression doesn’t even describe what he was going through to make a statement of doubt like that. He had no faith! He put the ultimate test out there for God! Basically Thomas said, “Let him show up and prove it.” And he was given what he wanted! David had 26 wives and was a polygamist, in direct contradiction to the Torah (see Deut chp. 17 about kings) but God answered him numerous times! Meanwhile guys like Paul, a celibate, are doing all they can to promote the kingdom/agenda of the Messiah and are railed on, lied about, shipwrecked, persecuted, functionally poor, etc. Jeremiah lived a horrible life in that God delivered him, but not totally delivered him from all his detractors and persecutors. Look at all the sexual sins of the family of Abraham in Genesis…but God basically made him a multi-millionaire for his day. It leaves one scratching their head as to why God seems to bless the depraved and not bless the dedicated? The only sane answer seems to be that prayers are answered because God must CHOOSE to answer. Have all the faith in the world, more than all the saints of old together, but God still must DECIDE if he/she/it wants to grant that. Live a pure life but God must still get around to helping you (think Job). Be a pervert or tyrant or pimp and you may stand a chance (think thief on the cross). It seems so random, doesn’t it? And it often leaves the honest seeker feeling like they are treading water in an endless sea of ‘can God be trusted at all?’
But people who try to simplify this issue by saying, “Yes, no, or wait” or “you must have faith” or “just hold on a little longer”, miss the mark. It is normal for a Western, consumeristic/rational mind to superimpose a false thought matrix on ancient Jewish scriptures, especially if they are Gentile. Because they miss the point. Prayer is not about necessarily getting an answer to your desire as much or equally so as it is about submission. You are really saying, “Poppa, I would like A, B, or C to happen, but understand you may want X, Y, or Z to happen.” I confess though, that even that seems too simple, because we do read things like the messiah saying “Whatsover ye ask in prayer…” That’s open-ended. No qualifiers. No other strings attached. And he says things like God won’t give gifts that hurt or disappoint us (bread instead of stones, fish instead of snakes) though the gift may not meet our hopes/expectations fully. And we have OT writers saying things like “he will give you the desires of your heart.” Again, no qualifiers. Open-ended. Don’t explain it away when it doesn’t happen. But most of this article and the comments miss that. I personally can attest that the deepest longings of my heart for this world HAVE NOT BEEN met by God. I have received absolutely no clear, definite answers. And I have come to realize that just because God may have answered some person in the past as recorded in the Bible, it doesn’t mean he will answer me. Besides, what about all the humans that were living when the Bible was being written who were also seeking God and didn’t get answers? Funny how we don’t have record of them. Maybe because the Bible is really about people caught up in the story of the messiah and their prayers were answered because God chose them to be included in that story. What about all the people miracles were done for? Didn’t they go through problems later on? The woman with the issue of blood? Healed. Boom. Instantaneously. I wonder if she stumbled and sprained her ankle on the way home. Or woke up a few months later with a sinus infection. You get the idea I think. Even if we get an answer it doesn’t mean life will necessarily be ‘better’.
I feel for you all who seem adrift in years, decades or no help or solace. I empathize. I am there as well. Some days I just throw up my hands and almost bless/curse God at the same time. But nothing. Sometimes I weep with true remorse and aching need. Sometimes I scream. But still, nothing. Sometimes I sin, indirectly hoping God will get mad enough to show up and punish me. Even Job’s wife didn’t really mean to curse God from anger. She hoped maybe if Job cursed God, God would get angry but show mercy by ending Job’s suffering through death! (We’ve misread her.) So I feel for all of you. There are no easy explanations. There just aren’t and anyone who tries to give you a simplistic answer or throw cut and paste lines of text from different ages in history dealing with different people is just being callous and discourteous. People that throw the Bible at you are just trying to shut you down and up because they are afraid your honest questions will expose their own suppressed disappointments. At least in my experience that has been the case more than a few times.
I wish I could wrap my arms around people who have ached for years with no help from God. I wish I had the wealth to move resources your way if your need was material. I can’t. But I feel for you. I really do. For what it’s worth I would hold the umbrella to keep the rain off your head for hours if I could (hope you understand that metaphor). Psalm 88 my friends. God did not answer that poet.
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Oh but God hears and He answers. I can attest to that. Dear Daniel, I feel for you too and I am hoping you come to see that He hears you too and weeps for your pain too.
To wrote a lot and I cannot answer all the arguments you raise. I have been there too thinking “Can He be trusted with the particular thing going on now in my life?”. I too have been in that phase where I felt “I might as well sin maybe He might see and talk to me”. I too have been in the space in my life where I felt Him to be partial with His responding, responding to some favorably and not to others no matter how deep they believe and trust Him. But Oh my brother – He is not! He has shown me His face and His hand. I have known Him to not abhor the cries of the poor and the afflicted and have seen Him show up for me in my very immediate need. Does it mean my life is perfect and free from problems, bills and I now have so much money in the bank that I want for nothing? NO! And I neither think that is a goal worth having or what is intended.
I am praying for you too right now. That He gives you the grace to see what He is showing you as you read His word. You know you reference Psalm 88 as evidence that God does not answer. You might want to try Psalm 22 where David – the very man that is described as being after God’s heart wrote of his own pain. The point being that there are seasons in life where it might appear that God is not listening because we don’t see clear responses from Him but without fail and without a doubt He is seeing things up in those moments and He does not for one moment not have His eyes on you (see Psalm 33 v18) and His promises are sure. He comes through for all who put their hope in Him.
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Again, I empathize with all of you who posted here…I feel for you. Don’t run from the disappointment. Let it make you weep, make you afraid, make you cry, make you scream…as the 16th century priest said in response to a man mourning over how angry he was at God…”Oh, that men would beat their fists against the chest of God”. Job let God have it. And God said Job spoke correctly of Him. Keep that in mind. There are no easy answers. I have learned not to try and ‘fix’ people, but simply let them state their emotions. You can’t solve an emotional problem with a logical answer. Won’t work. Even God doesn’t try and do that. Only friends of Job type personalities do that. And no one wants to be like those cretins.
I don’t mean to hijack Mrs. Ortiz’s blog/post here but some clarification needs to be established. For, you have read me wrong I think. I have read the bible through multiple times (at least 14-15, slowly, reading in context), in chronological order, various translations, the Apocrypha and Books of Jasher, Jubilees, and Enoch. Some parts I have read hundreds of times. I have read dozens, if not hundreds of books, etc. I have also prayed for decades over matters that still have no resolution. I realize now that most ‘christians’, including myself early on in my nubile ‘faith’, read the bible through a Western Gentile worldview (topical devotional, church system, capitalism, rationalism, etc) and that’s where the frustration comes from for many of us. The disillusionment we experience is a good thing because I see it now as God pulling these filters/lenses off our eyes to see the bible for what it is: a historical revelation of himself in the person of the Mashiach Nagid (Yeshua haMashiach ben-Elohim) given to creation through the Hebrew (later called Jews) culture and people. But I challenge anyone who will read my reply: do you really believe the Bible?
If so, you will have to believe about God what those first century disciples believed, not what 2000 years of filters, interpretations, etc have added. The early believers thought the earth was flat. They believed in elohim besides God (they were monolatrous, a type of heirarchy polytheism). They believed in demonic (fallen spirts of Nephilim mentioned in Genesis 6 who were drowned in the Flood) possession (there are stories of the messiah casting them out and apostles casting them out). You will have to believe that for 38+ years God supernaturally theophanized among the wandering escapees from Egypt, daily manifesting (creating) the food of angelic beings (elohim) for the Hebrews to eat! You will have to believe that there were literally instantaneous, unexplainable, supernatural miracles of incredible magnitude. A woman’s menstrua hemorrhaging disappears by touching a robe, a blind man for 38 years received his sight (38 yrs = 38 yrs of Isael wandering…) in a second. I say this because most of us just gloss over this. But for those of us like myself I have to step back and ask…why does God, if real, not still do these levels of help for people? Why is it locked up in historical snapshots where we can’t encounter, witness, or experience such things? And for those who brush this off as God doesn’t need to do these things because we have the bible…are you saying you want the bible over an encounter with God? I’ll take the encounter with God.
In reply to your wanting me to read Psalm 22, like if I read that it will just solve my conundrum: Most of the psalms are prophecies wrapped up in human emotions responding to temporary crises. Psalm 22, historically may have been David crying out, but a closer analysis reveals it’s about the Messiah (David’s heir). In fact the messiah yells it out in Aramaic from the cross, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani”. Psalm 139 is another classic example the pro-lifers use to counter abortion but a closer reading reveals it’s about the messiah. So on and so forth. I no longer look for solutions/answers to my problems/circumstances in the bible. That’s an eisegetic Western Gentile devotional method. It will FAIL you because it puts the onus on you, not on the messiah the bible is revealing. I look for the messiah, regardless of what portion I read. I ask myself, “what is this telling me about the messiah since he is the centerpoint of God’s eternal plan”. I don’t look for, “What promise is there for me to claim to get a, b, c from God.” That, in my humble middle-aged opinion is how to actually read the Bible correctly.
I also had to dig in and understand that modern translations are not 100% accurate. There are words in our language that miss the nuances of the original Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic words. I had to get the Septuagint (which has more information in some passages), the Peshitta, the codexes, the Dead Sea Scrolls, etc. I had to study the councils of Nicea, Ephesus, Chalcedon, etc. (All Gentile councils by the way, no messianic Jews were invited as far as we know, even though Christianity is a maturation of ancient Torah believing Hebrew thought – not pagan Gentile thought). And I have come to realize that Western style Christianity is severely lacking. Sunday morning services are nothing like what the first 300 years of Christendom practiced. The council of Nicea fundamentally altered Hebraic beliefs about God, about Messiah, etc. And they were all pagan, non-Jews that came up with those doctrines, practices, and church systems…and thus they are not biblical because they are not of Jewish origin. They are superimposed upon the texts you read. Keep that in mind.
But I appreciate your concern. I really do. I have come to accept that I will ‘never’ get from God what I want, because what I want is to have a biblical level divine encounter, as terrifying and as humbling and as glorious and as life altering as it may be. And those seem to be reserved for Jewish people. That is what the bible seems to promise the readers…but after nearly thirty years, I have not experienced it. And so I will not bother God with my petty requests any longer. I simply accept the reality of his will for all human life: be born, suffer, die, try your best in the meanwhile. That may sound pessimistic, but it’s not. It’s just acceptance.
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I remember reading this post a while back and I cried. I’m once again in a period of my life where God feels silent, and I found myself re-reading this post and crying again. Your writing still resonates with me deeply. I’m so exhausted and my soul feels so raw right now. I’ve been praying and crying to God, begging Him to keep me afloat while I grieve. He feels silent and distant. My circumstances have not changed, even though I’ve done everything I could that was in my control. I have tried to give it to the Lord, but my situation remains the same and my heart remains so raw from grief. It genuinely feels like He’s ignoring me, and I just want to throw in the towel and give up.
But for some reason, I keep praying. Even though I’m tired, and bitter, and angry. Sometimes all I can pray is “God I’m tired.” Or all I can do is tell the Lord that I’m angry with Him. I still am desperate enough to beg Him to make things better again, even though my situation feels hopeless. Even though I’m so hurt by His silence, even though I’m hurt from being ignored, I still keep praying. I keep trying to make my heart known to Him.
Your post and your story here is one of the only things that have truly resonated with me these past few weeks. Thank you for sharing your story, and for being so honest and genuine about your journey. Thank you for not hiding the truth of how much these situations hurt. Thank you for opening your heart to us.
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