It was on the corner of 52nd and 8th that I wept.
I wept helplessly over lukewarm coffee and dry chocolate cake, in an uncomfortable green leather booth, at one of the only Manhattan diners that seemed to be open that late at night.
Just hours before, my husband had been offered his dream job in New York City. And after high fiving each other in the elevator on the way out of the office, it didn’t take long for reality to set in. Just 2 floors down to be exact!
We would be moving to Manhattan in just 5 weeks…
5 weeks to say our goodbyes to the people who we loved (and who knew nothing about our intentions of leaving)… 5 weeks to sell our house, our two cars, and nearly all our possessions as we would be moving from a 4-bedroom house in suburbia to a 1-bedroom in crazy town… And 5 weeks to – somehow – get in touch with the super-human mojo I would need to go from the small town girl I’ve always been, to the hardcore rough and tumble Manhattan mom that I would need to become in order to survive.
If those diner walls could talk, they would tell of a girl who shed an innumerable amount of tears that night. Each with an excuse as to why…
I…
could…
not…
do…
this.
There I sat for hours, weeping into my dessert (which was my husband’s sweet – but failed – attempt at calming my anxiousness)!
My husband had always been the one with notable strength and the ability to persevere under the most challenging of circumstances. I, however, was much more qualified in things like ‘quitting’ and chugging water. The expanse of the city had him giddy with excitement, while the very same thing had me cowering in fear!
I was focused on the money we didn’t have… the hopeless housing market we were currently in… the timeline that seemed impossible… and the street smarts that I was desperately lacking…
Somehow he managed to see it as an opportunity for God to show up.
One thing was clear, God would HAVE to show up! And in my weakness, I didn’t know if He would.
And so I cried all night long. Like, seriously!
The next morning, on the plane ride home, with bloodshot eyes and only 2 hours of sleep (you know, because I was far too busy crying to sleep!) I found this verse.
“Then the whole community began weeping aloud, and they cried all night.” – Numbers 14:1
This weeping ‘community’ was the Israelites, and by the looks of it I had a lot in common with them!
I needed to know more about these people! So I flipped through page after page to learn more.
What I found was that on many occasions God had ‘shown up’ for the Israelites in much the same way that I needed God to show up for me. He had saved them from a life of slavery, He had done the impossible and parted the Red Sea on their behalf to protect them from the wrath of Pharaoh, and He had never failed to provide for each of their daily needs up to this point.
Not only that, but the Lord had big plans for the Israelites! With every day that passed, He was leading them closer and closer to the Promised Land – the life He had so intricately designed for each of them.
So why is it that they were crying?
Because there were giants up ahead!
Literally!
Upon scoping out the area, they found that there were giants roaming the land and standing directly in the way of what the Lord wanted for them. And so, being that the Israelites were paralyzed in fear, they wept into the night.
In Deuteronomy 1:29-30 the Israelites were addressed,
“Don’t be shocked or afraid of them! The Lord your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt.” [Just as He had done before!]
But instead of resting in this truth, the Israelites chose to allow their fear to consume them! They ultimately refused to trust the Lord and acknowledge how He had provided for their every need in the past, and in the end because of that, few ever got to see the life the Lord had for them come to fruition!
And it was then that I realized, that I too, can be an Israelite…
So that day, at an altitude of 30,000 feet (give or take a few thousand feet), I made the decision to embrace the life the Lord had laid out for me and to trust that He is bigger than the giants that were standing in my way! I brought to Him all the fears that were looming, the needs that couldn’t possibly be met, and the magnitude of the changes that were directly up ahead – all of MY giants – and chose to lay each one of them at His feet and praise Him! Not because of what I knew He was going to do, but because of what He had never failed to do for me in the past!
I chose to trust Him, even if it meant moving to New York City…
Joyce Meyer put it well when she said, “Feeling fear is simply the temptation to run and hide from what we should face and confront.” And as I stood on the street this last week peering into the same diner booth that I sat in just 10 months ago – watching the waiters bustling and patrons conversing around the very same booth that I once sat in wept in – I couldn’t help but wonder what my life would look like today. What if, in that very moment, I would have chosen to run and hide from what I knew very well the Lord was asking me to courageously confront? Where would I be if I hadn’t given God the opportunity to provide the solution for every excuse… every fear… and every tear that had grazed my cheek that night?
I realized even more, that the pivotal decision I struggled to make in the diner that night, is the same one we are faced with every single day of our lives!
Are we going to trust God? Or are we going to quit?
Are we going to look to His strength, or rely on the inadequacy of the person staring back at us in the mirror?
Are we going to embrace the life the Lord has designed for us, or try to pave an easier way and risk the chance of never knowing what He had so perfectly planned on our behalf?
The truth is, it will only be a matter of time until our excitement is met with giants up ahead…
And when it happens, let’s weep. Let’s shamelessly let it all out because we have never in our lives been so terrified! But once there are no more tears to be shed, let’s bravely stand to our feet so that we can see – maybe even for the very first time – where life would take us if we let our faith in God be stronger than our fears!
And in the event that we lose sight of this truth (because I know, I so often will…)
You can meet me on the corner of 52nd and 8th.
You bring the tissues,
I’ll be the one with the chocolate cake.
Krista Ortiz 
Thanks Krista for sharing this message! I needed it so I will let my faith in God be stronger than my fears right now 🙂 God bless you!!!
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Praying for you today Citlali as you seek to be courageous!
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I cannot express how on time this message is for me. I am faced with this same type of decision and, well, I have been doing a fair amount of crying and not a lot of trusting. Just knowing that there is someone else out there who faced this type of decision and didn’t let fear overwhelm them helps. I still have the giant in front of me and I am still full of fear but maybe I can meet you on that corner….if I don’t chicken out.
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Praying for you Danita! I know how tremendously difficult it is! But one thing I know for sure is you will NOT be sorry you trusted the Lord!
… And when all else fails, eat chocolate cake. LOTS of it! 🙂
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What a message from God to my heart your blog was this morning. My giants are facing retirement with limited finances, a dear, dear husband who is disabled, an empty nest for the first time and trying to find my place in the world after 24 years of focusing on raising my daughters. I have spent the past few days whining and depressed about my life and have forgotten, like the Israelites, how God has provided for me in every step of my life with HIm. Thank you, Krista, for sharing.
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Thank YOU Nancy, for having the courage to share your story. God will meet us there when we do!
I am saying a prayer for you… That you will be brave and stand boldly in front of your giants. And that when you feel like you can’t any longer, that the Lord will give you His strength to do so! Thanks again, for reaching out!
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Thank you Krista!! Your words encourage me as I face my “giants”! 🙂
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get ’em girl! 🙂
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Krista, I want you to know how much of a blessing your devotions have been to me. I have been following you for only a few weeks but I have managed to read every post you have written. This devotion in particular has been such a blessing to my day. I am 21 years old and today, December 3rd, marks the one year anniversary of the day that I tried to commit suicide. I was not really sure what to expect other than a lot of tears and bad memories creeping up on me. This devotion has completely lifted my spirits and has given me a drive and excitement to face the giants that are going to try and attack me today. But I am a child of God! And I choose to live in the freedom that he has given me. SO! Rather than see this as the one year anniversary of the day I wanted to die, I will pick myself up and take hold of this day as the one year anniversary of the day that I lived. The day that God (like he does every day) saved me.
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Paige, I don’t know if I can adequately express how honored I am that you would reach out to me and share your story. Your story, is no doubt, a very difficult one to tell. But oh, so very powerful!!!
I can promise you two things, that I will be praying for you by name ALL DAY LONG, and that our God will be by your side throughout your journey of learning to live again! Thanks again and again for having the courage to reach out to me Paige!
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Thank you so much for the prayers! They are always needed. I know that you are in Manhattan and I am actually not that far away from you! I don’t know if you have heard of Nyack College but that is where I am going to school right now. Your posts have been such an encouragement to me and have been a great support as I prepared for this day to come. Again, I had no idea what to expect. But, like in your story and with the Israelites, God has most definitely shown up. In a BIG way. Thank you so much again. You are truly a blessing!
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Thank you for sharing. It puts my need to trust God in my children’s lives in clear perspective. Not in any particular situation, but in their daily lives. They both live in Europe for work … Out of my hands … But firmly in His.
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“Out of my hands… but firmly in His” I LOVE that Jodie!
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What a fabulous post! I’ve been on a similar journey over the past 13 years – moving, adjusting, moving, adjusting. And on the brink of moving back to our house, which might seem like the easiest move, has had its own giant challenges. Sleepless nights praying, holding onto that mustard seed of faith and trust and staring at my own weaknesses and frailties on a nightly basis over the past year, I found comfort from your post – in fact, it gave me chills reading it!
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Thanks for reaching out Kathy! I am glad I am not the only one who struggles to have enough faith to face my giants! I will be praying for you as you too, face yours!
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This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I got some news last night that shakes up my whole world. I’ve been on the brink of losing it and praying that I don’t. Thank you for keeping it real Krista. GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD!!
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God IS Darci! And I have no doubt, that He will show up for you just as He did for me! 🙂
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Thank you Krista. I am a military wife and as all people know, people in the military move A LOT! I met my husband coming up on four years 1-1-14 and since then we have had two moves (well three if you count the one where bought the house in VA because we thought he was going to retire there.) Now please don’t think I am bragging, because I certainly am not about, these are burdens I am getting ready to discuss. When we left Kentucky (my home state and where I met my husband) he owned that house and we could not find a buyer and still can’t, so we are renting, which Is frustrating because you never know how long they will rent, if they will tear the house apart etc, From KY we went to Virginia and ended up buying a house there, for reasons stated above. When he got back from his year deployment in Korea, he was hoping to get stationed in VA again, but no that wasn’t the case. We had orders to Ft. Lewis in Washington State. I was excited and depressed at the same time. Why? You may ask. In VA we could drive to see our family on a four day weekend, because it only took 10 hours. Here I haven’t seen my family or friends in two years. I didn’t travel while he was gone (I have a major habit of getting lost even with my Garmin.)
We made it to Washington and I instantly fell in love. I also told my husband we have been working on so many things in our marriage, but we are leaving one thing out and that is our spiritual journey. So I talked to my Uncle Dave, who is a Bishop and a Pastor and he found us a church. So I believe intended for us to be here. He needed us to seek out the right church for us. But I still stand by what I said to you before, even though I am going to church it hadn’t inspired me to open my Bible. You did that.
Thank you Krista for not making me feel alone in the matter of moving. Thank you for sharing your stories of inspiration and hope of someone who is as regular as all of us that read and wait impatiently to see what you and the two others have to say. Thank you for welcoming us into your spiritual journey and showing us that it is okay to make mistakes and not walk on water. Thank you.
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Aw, Amanda! You are so sweet! You might be surprised, maybe someday God would have YOU share your spiritual journey with others 🙂 I am glad can use “human” people like me, and the silly words I write in between episodes of Barney to help others in their walk with the Lord. And if i ever find the secret formula for walking on water, I will let you know! 🙂
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Goodness this is so relevant for me today! After school, I had to train my fellow teachers on a training I attended and was my giants. I read this just after I presented. Before I presented, I layer everything before God and had an enormous calm come over me. Everything went great! God is so good to me! Much more than I deserve!
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Yay!!!! Misty!!!! You faced your giants today! That is AWESOME! And you are right, God is so so so incredibly good 🙂 Thanks for sharing your success in boldly facing your giants! And I wish you all the best in all of your future ‘giant facing endeavors!’ 🙂
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All you get on this one is a simple but packed with emphasis, AMEN!
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Reblogged this on Poetical Gab.
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Reblogged this on As One Approved and commented:
Loved reading this… wanted to share! ❤
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My struggle is with more everyday giants. The Lord God Almighty has
brought me through 43 yrs marriage,to be widowed now 3.5 yrs. Husband’s cancer for 7 years with 3 weddings happening and 6 grandbabies born while he was alive. His grace is suffcient, yet the
struggle lies in feeling his absence and going to The Lord quickly. I try
to allow only minutes for self pity, because HIS GRACE IS,WILL BE AND HAS TO BE SUFFICIENT. May His Name be praised, May His
Spirit continue to be my best friend. Kathy
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I have recently discovered your writing and I have to say that I love it! From one blogger to another….thank you for being real. I often question what it is that people want to read, out of all their choices each day. This is what inspires me! True life – fears and all.
Thanks…
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