As I’m writing this, I’m hoping I’m not the only one who has cried faithless tears this week. That I’m not the only one so afraid of what God is asking me to do, that for a moment I entertained the thought of what it might be like to run from my destiny.
But that’s not how my week started… In fact, the week began with praise on the tips of our tongues.
- God sold our house in just under two weeks ( Whaaaaaat?!?! Amazing. )
- My husband started his new job that God miraculously dropped in his lap. (Equally amazing.)
And though my husband and I are currently living in two different states (him in New York until we find an apartment and me in South Carolina until we get everything situated with the house) we spent the better part of the week celebrating the miraculous steps God has orchestrated to get us to NYC to do what He has called us to do, and start a church in the city that scares me.
But then I began to doubt… well, everything.
All it took was eleven words. Eleven words for my faith to completely unravel this week.
“Are you guys reeeeeeeeally starting a church in New York City?” a friend had asked.
It was an honest question and they meant no harm by it.
But the moment I heard it I wanted to respond, “…WHY ELSE would I, even consider, returning to the city where I lost everything?
WHY ELSE would I settle down in the place where my marriage imploded and depression almost killed me?
…Why would I sell my beautiful (and spacious) house so that I can share a one bedroom (expensive) apartment with my 201 lb husband, my daughter, and my dog?
…Why would I give up my beloved dining room table for a life without a washer and dryer, and quite possibly even, my bed? I flipping hate camping.
…Why would I move to a place where the people are often so cruel it makes you cry, the subways are often so packed you can’t breathe, and the winters are often so brutal that everything in you literally hurts?
Are we really starting a church in NYC? YESSSSSSSS, WE’RE STARTING A FREAKING CHURCH IN NEW YORK CITY… I wish I would have responded.
But I didn’t.
And yet the very moment the question was asked, I could feel doubt rush its way into my spirit and ravage all the hope I had left in my heart.
Worse, the question replayed over and over in my head all week, slowly evolving and taunting me at every turn.
“….You guys don’t reeeeeally think you’re going to start a church in NYC, do you?” The almost belittling voice would ask.
“You must not have heard God right, because it sure doesn’t look like you’re starting a church… “it would ridicule, pointing to our lack of funds and really, God’s limited provision thus far.
“I mean, you can’t even find an apartment… What makes you think you will be able to start a church?”
And that’s all it took for my faith to feel foolish, and for God’s wonderful plan for my life to feel more like a death trap. Because of it, on multiple occasions I cried in the shower and secretly contemplated running from my destiny this week…
But here’s what God taught me about that voice that’s been belittling me… (I want to share it given the chance I’m not the only one being taunted into evading my destiny this week.)
1. The voice that is belittling you isn’t God.
…It wasn’t even my friend. There’s an enemy who doesn’t want us to experience the amazing things God has for us, and in his hands even the most harmless questions can evolve into dangerous accusations that if left unattended in our heart, will either distract us from God’s blessings or derail us from our destiny.
2. The louder and crueller the voice declaring ‘you will be disgraced’, the bigger and closer the breakthrough that is on its way!
I believe someone reading this has a dream or a miracle they considered giving up on this week. There’s a journey God has set before you, a miracle He’s asked you to believe for, or a hope He’s asking you to hold onto thats often the only thing that gets you out of bed each morning …And there’s a voice telling you you’re irresponsible for embarking on it, you’re a fool for believing it. It could be as little as eleven words spoken, but that’s all its taken for you to consider running from your destiny this week.
— but don’t you dare! Hebrews 10 says this, “You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion. It wont be long now, He’s on His way; He will show up most any minute….”
The pay off, the breakthrough, and the answer to our prayer are all closer than we realize. God’s on His way, He could be here any minute — and the voice that’s belittling us knows that and is threatened by what God’s about to do in our lives!
So get your courage back, fearful friend. Stick it out; stay the path.
Our Deliverer is unmatched and on time. And it’s our destiny that is on the line.
// 52 weeks to write, 42 more to go //
Krista Ortiz 
Thank you so much Krista. I stood in my kitchen this week and told my husband to sell our God dream through desperate tears. I told him I didn’t care. Somebody else could have it. I didn’t want it. Through helpless, overwhelmed tears. I believe in you and your dream and I am so thankful for a God who doesn’t need bold declaration of faith from us to continue walking the journey with us. He comforts through the despair and leads us forward anyway. I believe in you guys and I believe in the heart of my mighty God
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, thanks for sharing that with me. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know other people have God dreams that are stretching their faith and making them cry. I’m with you. And I love what you said, that you are ‘thankful for our God who doesn’t need bold declarations of faith from us’ — you are so right! I’m thankful for that as well. Thanks for believing us!
LikeLike
Krista, I stand with you! This has quite literally been one of the most trying weeks of my life and I’ve done lots of shower crying. But in the darkest moments I’ve felt Gods closeness and his promise of breakthrough. I’m meditating on he words ‘Abba father’ because that’s all I have faith for now. Abba father, abba father, abba father. A father that has not abandaoned us. A father that provides, stays close, can be trusted. I stand with you believing it gets darker just before the sunrise!! You’re on the cusp of your promise fulfillment and the enemy is playing a dirty hand. Ignore his lies. Praying for inner strength for you! Warrior on!!
LikeLike
Oh Heidi, I’m so sorry to hear its been one of the hardest weeks for you and that you too, have found yourself crying in the shower. I’m also humbled that you would take the time to encourage ME when you have your own stuff going on — that means more to me than you could know, so thank you. I am lifting you up in prayer as I type, that our God, our Abba Father, would should up and show off in your current situation. That He would show Himself to be unfailing and that He doesn’t need ANYONE’S help taking care of you. I pray that you would feel that God sees you, God loves you, and that you’d unmistakably feel Him holding you as you cry. God’s not done, my friend. Not even close. With you, warrior-ing on!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How do you possibly write in a way that speaks to each of your followers so personally?! It is as if you are speaking to only me… God bless you on your new journey!
LikeLike
Thank you so much, your blessing means so much to me. To be very honest I can’t tell you how many times God tells me to write something and I’m like, THIS WILL NEVER WORK, GOD. NO ONE WILL RELATE! And then surprise, surprise, people do… God must know what He is doing or something (shocker, right? lol)
Thanks for reaching out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol! Yes — shocker! Krista you are annointed (period). As soon as I start reading your newest blog it is like oh my gosh- God is talking to me…
I get excited when I see your email in my inbox!
LikeLike
Your writings do somehow speak to all of us and inspire us in a way so personal to each of us. Your journey gives hope to each of us to be able to put our faith in God, hand Him our “mess” and seek His help to lift us from it and allow Him to guide our path forward and provide that miracle we each need in our own lives. Stay strong as you have come so far and achieved your own miracle in having restored your marriage. NY is really a good place to start a church. I worked there for over 40 years. The people are kind and welcoming despite the toughness of the city itself. So many New Yorkers are searching for something or someone to believe in, if you reach out, you will find many welcoming souls. I don’t know where in NY you are going to start your church, but if I can help at all, I will. Stay strong
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out, your words are such an encouragement to me. I’d be lying if I said I’m not regularly shocked that God could use my silly stories (I’m certain NO ONE can relate to) to help point others to what God can – and will – do in their own lives! It’s an honor to watch God stir other people’s hearts, in the way only He can do.
40 YEARS IN NEW YORK!!!! Wow, incredible! My husband was born in the bronx and we lived there in 2013-2015, but now we are headed back! We will be starting a church on the Upper East Side of Manhattan! Thanks again and again for reaching out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Krista,
I’ve been following your writings now for quite awhile, but have never commented. I just have to tell you how encouraging you really are. I’m sure you hear it all the time, but I hope you truly know that you are. Gods given you a gift with words, and such bravery and courage with your vulnerability that I look up to. I feel as tho you are a mentor to me through your blog, and I always look forward to reading. I wanted to thank you for not giving up, ever, and for sharing. Im a 24 year old new wife surviving our first deployment. Even tho we are in different circumstances, I relate so much to things you say, and I can’t express to you how thankful I am that in your hardest moments, you kept trusting, listening, and going.
Sally
LikeLike
Wow, Sally! First can I just thank you for reaching out?! Your words encouraged me so much today, and its so wonderful to be able to hear little snippets of other people’s lives. Can I ask how long your husband has been away? How long have you guys been married? I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you. As I type I’m praying that God would cover your marriage with an impenetrable strength during this time, that He’d bring people to show kindness to you, to breathe courage into your spirit, and to hold your arms up when you feel like you can’t bear another moment. Know that I will be praying for you, Sally. I mean that. Please don’t ever hesitate to reach out. In fact my email is kristaortiz87@gmail.com so if ever need someone to pray for something specific or if you just need a listening ear please don’t hesitate! I mean that. Thanks again for reaching out!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are amazing, I just can’t even right now! Haha thank you for your kind words, I’m like in awe right now, so excuse me as I try to get my thoughts together lol so my husband has been away for 5months now but should be coming home very soon! Thank ya Jesus! We got married in December of ’15 so just a little over a year now. But we’ve been together for 7 years. I’m still trying to get used to this whole military thing but The Lord has showed us so much grace and mercy and that He is truly good through all of this. Thanks again Krista to know someone is praying for us, especially our marriage is beyond words. I will definitely be emailing lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Krista, I know that voice of doubt and discouragement and I do know that it is from the enemy of all the amazing things God wants to accomplish through our obedience. What a blessing that you can follow the trail of faithfulness that God has established in your life over the past few years! That, sometimes, is the only thing that keeps us going 🙂
Thanks for such honest words.
LikeLike
Right?!?! It’s sometimes the ONLY thing! And yet its everything, isn’t it? What would our faith be if it were not for the real life stories we could tell of God’s faithfulness? Its a privilege, right? ❤
Thanks for reaching out, Debbie!
LikeLike
Just reading the comments and seeing how much you encourage and inspire others in God and the thought popped into my head ‘this is church!’ Not only can you do this, you’re already doing it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them. ”
Matthew 18:20
LikeLike
This is exactly what I am going through and needed to hear x x thank you x x
LikeLike
Thank you for your words of encouragement. This was the message I really needed today!
LikeLike