As I’m writing this, I’m hoping I’m not the only one who has cried faithless tears this week. That I’m not the only one so afraid of what God is asking me to do, that for a moment I entertained the thought of what it might be like to run from my destiny.
But that’s not how my week started… In fact, the week began with praise on the tips of our tongues.
- God sold our house in just under two weeks ( Whaaaaaat?!?! Amazing. )
- My husband started his new job that God miraculously dropped in his lap. (Equally amazing.)
And though my husband and I are currently living in two different states (him in New York until we find an apartment and me in South Carolina until we get everything situated with the house) we spent the better part of the week celebrating the miraculous steps God has orchestrated to get us to NYC to do what He has called us to do, and start a church in the city that scares me.
But then I began to doubt… well, everything.
All it took was eleven words. Eleven words for my faith to completely unravel this week.
“Are you guys reeeeeeeeally starting a church in New York City?” a friend had asked.
It was an honest question and they meant no harm by it.
But the moment I heard it I wanted to respond, “…WHY ELSE would I, even consider, returning to the city where I lost everything?
WHY ELSE would I settle down in the place where my marriage imploded and depression almost killed me?
…Why would I sell my beautiful (and spacious) house so that I can share a one bedroom (expensive) apartment with my 201 lb husband, my daughter, and my dog?
…Why would I give up my beloved dining room table for a life without a washer and dryer, and quite possibly even, my bed? I flipping hate camping.
…Why would I move to a place where the people are often so cruel it makes you cry, the subways are often so packed you can’t breathe, and the winters are often so brutal that everything in you literally hurts?
Are we really starting a church in NYC? YESSSSSSSS, WE’RE STARTING A FREAKING CHURCH IN NEW YORK CITY… I wish I would have responded.
But I didn’t.
And yet the very moment the question was asked, I could feel doubt rush its way into my spirit and ravage all the hope I had left in my heart.
Worse, the question replayed over and over in my head all week, slowly evolving and taunting me at every turn.
“….You guys don’t reeeeeally think you’re going to start a church in NYC, do you?” The almost belittling voice would ask.
“You must not have heard God right, because it sure doesn’t look like you’re starting a church… “it would ridicule, pointing to our lack of funds and really, God’s limited provision thus far.
“I mean, you can’t even find an apartment… What makes you think you will be able to start a church?”
And that’s all it took for my faith to feel foolish, and for God’s wonderful plan for my life to feel more like a death trap. Because of it, on multiple occasions I cried in the shower and secretly contemplated running from my destiny this week…
But here’s what God taught me about that voice that’s been belittling me… (I want to share it given the chance I’m not the only one being taunted into evading my destiny this week.)
1. The voice that is belittling you isn’t God.
…It wasn’t even my friend. There’s an enemy who doesn’t want us to experience the amazing things God has for us, and in his hands even the most harmless questions can evolve into dangerous accusations that if left unattended in our heart, will either distract us from God’s blessings or derail us from our destiny.
2. The louder and crueller the voice declaring ‘you will be disgraced’, the bigger and closer the breakthrough that is on its way!
I believe someone reading this has a dream or a miracle they considered giving up on this week. There’s a journey God has set before you, a miracle He’s asked you to believe for, or a hope He’s asking you to hold onto thats often the only thing that gets you out of bed each morning …And there’s a voice telling you you’re irresponsible for embarking on it, you’re a fool for believing it. It could be as little as eleven words spoken, but that’s all its taken for you to consider running from your destiny this week.
— but don’t you dare! Hebrews 10 says this, “You were sure of yourselves then. It’s still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God’s plan so you’ll be there for the promised completion. It wont be long now, He’s on His way; He will show up most any minute….”
The pay off, the breakthrough, and the answer to our prayer are all closer than we realize. God’s on His way, He could be here any minute — and the voice that’s belittling us knows that and is threatened by what God’s about to do in our lives!
So get your courage back, fearful friend. Stick it out; stay the path.
Our Deliverer is unmatched and on time. And it’s our destiny that is on the line.
// 52 weeks to write, 42 more to go //