Perched high on a balcony, taking in my last New York City sunset, I admitted to God what I could no longer hide: that in spite of everything I was eternally grateful for, I really was just so, so sad…
That in simply a mere year and a half of living on the East Coast – the place where God had so clearly led my family and me – I had seemingly lost everything I held most dear.
With tears streaming down my face, I watched as the setting sun painted majestic hues above the East River sky, and I questioned aloud if such beauty could ever be restored in my life…my home…my heart…or my marriage…
But it was then that I realized: God wept with me.
There’s a story told in the Gospel of John in which Mary and Martha lost something precious to them also – their brother, Lazarus.
In their desperation they had sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick and they needed Him to come. Yet upon hearing the news, Jesus did something surprising…
…Nothing!
It says, “…Although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, he stayed where he was…”
Though admittedly He loved them, Jesus did NOT rush to their rescue when they felt they needed Him the most!
And in doing so, He single-handedly allowed what Mary and Martha held most dear to be lost!
When Jesus finally did arrive, Mary was overwhelmed with emotion and fell to His feet saying, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died…” Oddly enough, her words echoed much of my prayer overlooking the city that night:
…Lord, if you had only been here…my marriage wouldn’t have crumbled…my health wouldn’t have deteriorated…my life wouldn’t have imploded…
…Lord, if you had been here, maybe then I wouldn’t have lost EVERYTHING…
But then it goes on to say, “When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled within him, and he was deeply troubled…
…then Jesus wept.”
Understand this: Jesus didn’t weep because he was overwhelmed at the magnitude of what Mary and Martha were faced with. In fact, He knew with certainty that the story wouldn’t end there and that the plot would change dramatically once He entered the scene. (Which He proved, when just moments later, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!)
Nor did Jesus weep worrying that His timing was off and that He should have come sooner…He knew devastating circumstances would come, and He allowed it!
Instead, Jesus wept because He saw their pain, and because He loved what was lost just as much as they did…
And though it may not feel like it at times, God sees the extent of the pain we are faced with today.
‘Deep anger wells within him…’ when He sees the broken promises you have endured, and the scars you bear from your heart being trampled on mercilessly.
‘He is deeply troubled…’ when your most sought-after plans derail, and everything you love has seemingly taken a nose-dive into a dark abyss, obliterating your every hope and dream upon impact.
…And it is then, that He weeps with us.
Not out of fear of what we are up against or because He’s worried He doesn’t have an elaborate plan in place to rescue us. Jesus weeps because He sees YOU.
He sees you falling at His feet like Mary, defeated and wailing at the thought of all that is lost. He watches as you writhe and question where He was when your heart broke, and whether His plan for your life can be trusted moving forward…
And just like in the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, ‘Although he loves us…’ there will be times where God stays where He is – even when we feel we need Him the most!
Times when it would seem He has let our most frantic and desperate calls go straight to voicemail. And other times where He allows us to take a few wobbly steps on our own, watching as we grasp at anything in an attempt to steady ourselves, only to have us fall to our face before sweeping us up in His sovereignty.
BUT – and you can mark my words – while Jesus may not arrive IMMEDIATELY, He will come to your rescue EVENTUALLY! And when He does, what God allowed to be taken, HE WILL RESTORE!
So until we are standing in awe of God’s deliverance and basking in the intricate way He has pieced our lives back together, rest assured knowing we do not weep alone…
We are weeping with Jesus.
Krista Ortiz 
I am praying for you, Krista, for your marriage and family. I am asking God to restore what has been lost, mend what has been torn, heal what has been cut! Thank you for pointing us back to our faithful God with your posts!
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Ummm…that was pretty fantastic. Thanks for sharing. Your transparency, & vulnerability as well as the insight and wisdom you’ve gained from it are truly appreciated.
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your blogs are generally awesome… but this one tops them all!!! thank you SO MUCH for sharing!!!
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Wow that was awesome! What you wrote was perfectly said, and I love the perspective you shared of the Lazarus story. So incredibly true. Thank you for sharing your heart!
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Such powerful words for today. Thank you for sharing.
I often imagine Jesus saying “I got this!” How much does it break His heart that we continually do not trust Him, even when He’s shown that He’s got this many times before. It’s like when a husband doesn’t appreciate his wife’s beauty. Or when a wife doesn’t trust her husband’s driving/navigational skills. We feel disrespected, unloved, and misunderstood. Pretty sure Jesus feels that way too.
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Ohmygoodness Grace, I can’t tell you how much I LOVE that perspective! That God is so misunderstood! AWESOME! Thanks for sharing!
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Reblogged this on Tam Bam is. and commented:
We do not weep alone.
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You have no idea how many people you have blessed with the gift of truth and transperancy.
My prayer for you is like that of Elisha, (2kings 6:17) that God would open his servant Kristas eyes and she would see the hills around her filled with chariots of fire. I love this vision of being surrounded by Gods protection. It surrounds us even when we don’t always see it. Keep moving forward sweet sister. Your in my prayers always.
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You are right about that! That truly is a beautiful vision! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, your prayers mean the world to me Sylvia!
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Thanks for sharing your life. It’s great to see such honesty and learn from it.
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P.S. praying for u!
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Thank you!!!! Seriously! That means the world to me!
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I often wondered why Jesus didn’t show up earlier both in Mary and Martha’s situation, and often in my own. But in their story and in my own experience I learned a greater truth. It was only in the death of Lazarus that they were able witness his resurrection and see the power of Jesus in a way they had yet to see. It took their great pain, and suffering and deep need for them to have Christ revealed to them in a new and powerful way. The same thing has happened in my own life….only through deep pain, unspeakable pain and incredible circumstances have I felt the power of Him in my life unlike other times. At those times I have learned more of Him than in the good. Through the darkest of days I have grown to love Him and know Him more. Like Mary and Martha, I asked, ‘If you had been here….’, but the truth, if He had been, then I would not know Him like I do. Great things are waiting, great things will be revealed, if we trust Him, believe Him….
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YES! Everything you said! I couldn’t agree more!!! It’s a painful process, but a powerful one! ❤️
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I am speechless.. it can’t be said enough how the Holy Spirit is working through you to heal a hurting world. Your ability to tell a story, teach and leave one moved as you do is an Only God gift. I haven’t commented before but stalk your blogs for a Word, an inspiration and even just a “ok someone else is going through it” relational moment. You always inspire Krista and your faith is SO real and so easily seen that I can’t even think of a comment to strengthen you..His word never comes back void..
Psalms 40:1-3
I waited patiently for God to help me; then He listened and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out from the bog and the mire, and set my feet on a hard, firm path and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, of praises to our God. Now many will hear of the glorious things He did for me, and stand in awe before the Lord, and put their trust in Him.
Hang in there Krista, I have no idea all that you are going through but want you to know that people for miles are praying for you and I am one of them. May your days find peace and restoration and while you wait out this season..know that you have the ultimate gift.. thank you for sharing some of that with me today. God Bless you.
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Thank you Debbie for taking time to encourage and pray for me! I feel them!!! God has been exceptionally good to me these last few weeks and I can feel His restoration beginning in me!
Feeling so blessed by all the prayers and encouragement I have received over these last few difficult months, so thanks again and again for reaching out! 😊
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There are really just a few blogs that I read where I think, “I could be friends, like in real life friends, with this person.” You and and Rachel are on this short list. You are always so real and open and mainly real. I will continue to pray for your marriage, family, little princess and your health. Not yet is always the hardest answer to prayer to bear because to me it just sounds like silence. You are such a faith warrior even when you don’t feel like it. Sending you love and prayers (and virtual chocolate).
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Wow! This was beautiful. I really always enjoy reading y’all’s posts, but this one was really what I needed to hear right now in life. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable!
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What revelation! I literally burst into tears when you put that coloration together. Thank you for sharing even when you’re broken.
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Krista – I just have to say that your honestly and “real-ness” is so inspiring and encouraging. Please know you are beign prayed for by ppl you have never and probably will never meet and that your courage to follow his leading no matter hwo hard and on days when I’m sure its the last thing you want to do will not go un-noticed. You are loved and valued and he knows the plans he has for you – plans to prosper you. Keep your eyes up! xo
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Amen.
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Thank you Stephenie for your sweet words! I mean it when I say, they are such a HUGE encouragement to me! So thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤
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I needed this Krista. Lately I have felt alone in my struggles, but I have yet to question God, because I know He has a plan for me. I know in due time it will show itself, but I will continue on the path He has given me until then. I will keep you in my prayers.
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You are not alone, my friend! And you are right, His plan will be revealed in time …and mark my words: it will knock your socks off! 🙂 Until then though, you will be in my prayers also! Thanks for reaching out!
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Your candidness is inspiring. I needed to read this today. Thank you!
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