( I CANNOT WAIT to tell you how God blew our minds this week! But first, if you haven’t had the chance to read last week’s post that’s probably a good place to start, or this might not make very much sense. Now, a little ‘story time’ if you will. Gather around, friends… God is the coolest. )
Three separate times we have tried for another baby.
And three separate times God has said, no.
Inevitably every time I say that, someone comments, “God’s not saying, no, Krista, He’s just saying, not right now“…And inevitably, that person always seems to have a trillion beautiful babies. Go figure. And while I appreciate the kindness, I do… I gotta be honest, it reeeeeally feels like God is saying, no. (Just, no. With an exclamation mark. And a punch in the face.)
Yet each time God shuts down our attempts at having another child, He always succeeds in getting me to a place where I thank Him for not giving me what (I thought) I wanted.
For example, the first time we were trying for a baby we were living on the west coast, with no inkling of the whirlwind that was around the corner.
We’d been anxiously awaiting two red lines to display on a pregnancy test for going on 7 months at that point, when all of a sudden I felt God telling us to stop. I’m not going to lie, it was strange. Even stranger, when I mentioned it to my husband he agreed.
… Months later, God surprised us by uprooting our family (and with it, all normalcy) to move us from suburbia to New York City! I’ll never forget the day I literally got on my knees and thanked The Lord for not giving me the baby (I thought) I wanted. — I wouldn’t have survived NYC if He had!
The second time was a couple of years later, after I’d gained my footing in NYC (and after I had stopped having panic attacks from all the masses of people and fecal matter on any given subway.)
I was certain I was ready to have another kid…
…and then two weeks later, my marriage completely fell apart.
Again, Hallelujah, and thank you, Jesus, for not giving me what I thought I wanted.
The third and last time we started trying to have another child, was this last year. I could think of no better time to have a baby, and I told God that. Our marriage had been rebuilt, another picturesque house had been bought, all the debt had been paid off, and we were YEEEEARS from moving back to NYC to start a church (or so we thought.)
But again, like clockwork, I felt God telling me it wasn’t the right time …
I remember the exact place we were driving along the highway when I told my husband that I feared that would be the case (not realizing at the time, I was already 6 weeks pregnant…With a baby we would lose just weeks later…)
I was right, God was saying, no… (yet, again.)
But just like every time preceding it, God had a reason. And this time, it was a BIG ONE!
After losing the baby, almost instantly we got curious about the month of January, the month our baby would have been born.
It was as if we circled the month of January, believing there was purpose there. There had to be. We just couldn’t shake it.
Weeks later, our belief turned to begging, when my husband lost his job. The severance, coincidentally ending, you guessed it, in January… making us only pray harder for this month; For break through. For provision. For a miracle. We needed it.
I wrote last week’s post to paint a picture of what we are up against. — It’s bleak, but God’s promises are BIG! Incomprehensible, even. Especially considering the lack of job prospects (read: ZERO) that have been on the horizon these last 5 months.
I did my best to proclaim God’s promises as bold and faith-filled as I could muster…
And then, truth be told, I cried to a friend over a mandarin chicken salad the very same day, because a very real part of me worried if God would do what He promised… and if He would do it in time!
“It’s almost like God’s just going to have to drop something in our laps,” my husband said the following morning after last week’s blog posted.
…AND YOU GUYS!!! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT GOD DID!
Literally minutes later, my husband received a random text message from a business connection he made over a year ago in New York City, asking if he was available to talk. Hours later, that same connection was not only offering him a GREAT job he never applied for, but with absolutely no further interview necessary!
…We will be moving back to Manhattan in the next 5-6 weeks because of it!!! All thanks to the breakthrough God brought – the breakthrough we begged for – IN JANUARY!
(P.s. Completely unrelated we also received all the moving boxes we’ll need for FREE this week because, duh, #GodThinksOfEverything)
Here are two truths I want to leave you with this week (they are the same two things I’ll continue to cling to myself, as this is only miracle numero uno of the 5,000,000,000 that I currently need at the moment) :
- God doesn’t need our help. Isaiah 44:24 MSG says, “God, your Redeemer, who shaped your life in your mother’s womb, says: “I am God. I made all that is. With no help from you I spread out the skies and laid out the earth.” Two things are certain in this passage, 1. The same God who created you, is the One who will redeem you and whatever seemingly hopeless circumstance you are up against. 2. He doesn’t need any help from you in doing so. (Though He sends His regards.)
- Our dead-end is an opportunity to see God’s deliverance. Isaiah 43 says, “When you are between a rock and a hard place, it wont be a dead-end — because I am God, your personal God.” God goes before us, that’s a promise. Not only that, He has a pretty good track record of making a way where there is no way (say, by parting a sea, bringing the dead back to life, or giving your husband a dreamy job at a start-up company he never applied for, to name a few.) Our God is well-versed on the subject of deliverance. And mark my words, that deliverance wont arrive a moment too late. Not. A. Moment. Too. Late. I speak from experience, and my bank account backs me up. Hallelujah, and amen.
I don’t know what miracle you are
believing for begging for, or what type of deliverance you are desperate for today. But I encourage you to circle a month on the calendar and pray like you’ve never, in your life, prayed before. Cry over a mandarin chicken salad if you have to — whatever it takes, but don’t you dare give up!
God’s deliverance (and a damn good story) are at stake. It could be just one day, and a 15 minute phone call away!
Today’s blog post is proof.
// 52 weeks to write, 47 more to go. More miracles to believe for. //