A Love Letter to the City We Will Never Return to

 

I’ve lived in many cities in my life, but there’s only one I’ll likely never return to and that’s Anderson, SC.

In fact, the only thing more shocking than us moving back to NYC, is that we ever left and moved to Anderson in the first place!

After all, it was only three years ago that my life fell apart while living in NYC. It’s only been since 2014, that the words, I just don’t want this to be my life anymore, was the only response I could find whenever someone asked how they could be praying for me.

And I meant it — it was the only plausible way out of the mess that had become my life and my marriage, that the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth would have enough pity on me to slip me a get out of jail free card under the table. Or better yet, allow me to exchange my life for a new one!

…And really, that’s what God ended up doing when He moved my family to South Carolina! It was as if God plucked us from our million mph life in NYC, and Hunger-Games-hovercraft-style dropped us off in the small, borderline pulseless, town of Anderson, South Carolina.

… a pulseless, but perfect place to rebuild a family.

And that’s exactly what God did while we lived here these last two years.

Continue reading A Love Letter to the City We Will Never Return to

Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

( I CANNOT WAIT to tell you how God blew our minds this week! But first, if you haven’t had the chance to read last week’s post that’s probably a good place to start, or this might not make very much sense. Now, a little ‘story time’ if you will. Gather around, friends… God is the coolest. )

Three separate times we have tried for another baby.

And three separate times God has said, no. 

Inevitably every time I say that, someone comments, “God’s not saying, no, Krista, He’s just saying, not right now“…And inevitably, that person always seems to have a trillion beautiful babies. Go figure. And while I appreciate the kindness, I do… I gotta be honest, it reeeeeally feels like God is saying, no. (Just, no. With an exclamation mark. And a punch in the face.)

Yet each time God shuts down our attempts at having another child, He always succeeds in getting me to a place where I thank Him for not giving me what (I thought) I wanted.

For example, the first time we were trying for a baby we were living on the west coast, with no inkling of the whirlwind that was around the corner.

We’d been anxiously awaiting two red lines to display on a pregnancy test for going on 7 months at that point, when all of a sudden I felt God telling us to stop. I’m not going to lie, it was strange. Even stranger, when I mentioned it to my husband he agreed.

… Months later, God surprised us by uprooting our family (and with it, all normalcy) to move us from suburbia to New York City! I’ll never forget the day I literally got on my knees and thanked The Lord for not giving me the baby (I thought) I wanted.  — I wouldn’t have survived NYC if He had!

The second time was a couple of years later, after I’d gained my footing in NYC (and after I had stopped having panic attacks from all the masses of people and fecal matter on any given subway.)

I was certain I was ready to have another kid…

…and then two weeks later, my marriage completely fell apart.

Again, Hallelujah, and thank you, Jesus, for not giving me what I thought I wanted.

The third and last time we started trying to have another child, was this last year. I could think of no better time to have a baby, and I told God that. Our marriage had been rebuilt, another picturesque house had been bought, all the debt had been paid off, and we were YEEEEARS from moving back to NYC to start a church (or so we thought.)

But again, like clockwork, I felt God telling me it wasn’t the right time …

I remember the exact place we were driving along the highway when I told my husband that I feared that would be the case (not realizing at the time, I was already 6 weeks pregnant…With a baby we would lose just weeks later…)

 I was right, God was saying, no… (yet, again.)

But just like every time preceding it, God had a reason. And this time, it was a BIG ONE!

Continue reading Miracles & Moving Boxes (God did it!!!!!)

Three hundred dollars, a giggle & a selfie

We’re starting a church in New York City and we’d like to start an account for all the money we have received, we told the bank teller.

“Of course, how much would you like to transfer?” the woman behind the desk, inquired of our ‘growing’ church plant fund.

To which we replied, Three hundred and thirty dollars…

I let out a giggle. (I giggle when I’m nervous.) And I was nervous for good reason: three hundred dollars is barely enough to start a successful lemonade stand, let alone a sustainable church!

But as we exited the bank that day (and while the kind lady who helped us was likely telling her colleagues about the couple, bless their hearts, with the measly ‘car payment and a half’ allotted to start a church in one of the most expensive cities in the country…) we stopped at the doors and did something surprising: we took a selfie.

Yes, a selfie… To chronicle all the fear and expectancy we are feeling, yet don’t have the words to describe. To document this moment in time; where we are stepping out to do what God has asked us to do, all while lacking pretty much everything we need to do it.

Yet it is in this season of lacking – when we in no way have what we need – that I have never been more certain this is exactly where God wants me to be (and it could be where God wants you as well!)

After all, it’s where God wanted Gideon.

Continue reading Three hundred dollars, a giggle & a selfie