Last summer, my life was the picture of stability — we had just bought a house, and every picture frame and throw pillow was in its place. Our schedules were filled with the usual business trips and dentist appointments, and we were expecting another child.
…And then within a month, everything went from steady and stable, to a rickety, nausea-inducing carnival ride that seemed to plummet off the rails.
( The only thing leaving me more shaken than the actual turn of events, was what God had said the morning before they unfolded…)
We had just begun to wrap our minds around the fact that God was calling us back to New York City — back to the city that scares me, to start a church sometime in the next year. And then it seemed, as if on cue, everything else resembling any sort of stability, hit the fan.
In just one month:
• I lost the pregnancy.
• I found out my Dad was expecting a child, just days from both my 30th birthday, and from the date my baby would have been born.
• I had not one, but TWO cancer scares.
• My husband’s boss and close friend (that God used to play a pivotal role in moving us from NYC to South Carolina) got fired.
And then, in a major plot twist: God, very clearly, instructed us to tell my husband’s job what God had been speaking to us about starting a church in NYC.
I don’t know what we were expecting to receive; an encouraging word, heck, a high-five… but I’ll tell you what we weren’t expecting: the swift decision they made to give my husband two weeks notice, and a severance package through the month of January, “…to help you get to New York sooner,” they said…. In an email…. around the same time that the medical bills started piling up next to the coffee pot.
40 days is all it took — to go from a secure, ‘now-would-be-an-ideal-time-to-bring-a-baby-into-the-world’ season of our life, to now, being on shoddy, ‘Dear-Jesus-don’t-let-anything-bad-happen’ medical insurance, and living off an ever-diminishing severance package.
Even scarier, there is absolutely nothing on the horizon. Nothing. No jobs… No probable way to NYC, to do what God has asked us to do.
(…My grandfather’s voice was notably concerned for me on the other line of the phone this week…)
And I’ll tell you exactly what I told him; it may be the very thing you are struggling to believe for yourself…
“…God is leading me to a glorious destiny.”
I know what you are thinking… glorious? It sounds more like a hellish nightmare. And to some extent, I couldn’t agree more.
…Yet, it’s what God said the morning before, well… for lack of better words, …before the $%#* hit the fan.
Every morning when I read my bible, I date a new sheet of paper in my journal and write out word-for-word any verse God uses to speak to me. And recently, I went back to see what God said the morning before… Never imagining the irony of the verse I’d find scribbled on the page for that date…
There’s only one. And its shocking, really. Incomprehensible, even…
Next to the date that all hell was about to break loose on my life, and just hours before all stability was about to be thrown out the window, it says,
“ Yet I still belong to You; You hold my right hand… leading me to a glorious destiny. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.” (Psalms 73:23-24,26)
Understand, the morning before your heart broke, or before the accident happened. Before the job and baby were lost, and you were left to question your calling, God was speaking those same words of compassion over you, knowing full-well the chaos the day would bring:
“Yet you still, belong to Me….”
“Yet I’m still, near to you…”
“Yet I still, am keeping you safe…”
“Yet I still, have wonderful things in store for you…”
“Yet I’m still, holding your hand and leading you to a glorious destiny…”
It’s incomprehensible at times, isn’t it? I get it. Truth be told, there have been days this week (read: 7/7) that I was succumbed to tears trying to believe it myself. Because, hello, #Newsflash: this just doesn’t feel glorious, God…
For one, It’s January… the month our baby would have been born, the month I will receive a sibling for a 30th birthday present, and the month the severance package runs out; the severance, that like we feared, would not ‘help us get to New York sooner,’ no matter the good intentions expressed.
…Yet God is near, He is keeping me safe.
There are no jobs on the horizon, my husband has not even received one call back — ONE. CALL. BACK! And because of it, today, there is no fathomable path to New York City, to do what God has (so clearly) asked us to do.
…Yet, even still, God is leading me, in this very moment, to a glorious destiny.
God promises He is leading you to a glorious destiny as well!— Wonderful things are unfolding just around the corner, for you and for me.
Your life may have cliff-dived into a horrific nightmare, and we may need more miracles in this moment than we have ever, in our life, seen fulfilled. Yet, no matter how our life has been rattled, God’s promise remains. — A promise God made to cover us, knowing full-well what was just hours from occurring, what was mere moments from unraveling…
The promise: that nothing and no one can stand against our God and His (glorious) plan for our life!
(…It’s taking everything in me to believe that these days…)
But just because its difficult to believe, doesn’t make it any less true.
And that goes for me and for you.
// 52 weeks of writing, 48 left. //