I didn’t ask God for much. I wanted to get my Master’s degree in teaching, get married to a man who wasn’t a pastor, and have three kids by the time I was thirty. I wanted to live in suburbia till death do us part, and in close proximity to a Walmart. (I love a good Walmart.)
Might sound simple to you, maybe even boring, but it’s the life my heart desired to live.
…But God is (so obviously) not listening.
I am degree-less, married to a man who is equally passionate about me, as he is in fulfilling his God-given call to start a church, and I currently have only one child due to the fact that
like a jerk God keeps closing that door slamming that door in my face.
Not only that — Breaking News: God has called my family back to New York City.
If you have followed my blog for sometime you know how loaded of a decision that is for me and my family. If you haven’t heard much about my time living in NYC, here is a quick recap:
1.) NYC is where the mice ran ramped – and with a vengeance – in my apartment.
2.) NYC is where being a mom almost killed me, literally. And likely due to the fact that as a NYC mommy I had to carry my child’s stroller (with her in it) up and down 11 flights of stairs to get to church every Sunday.
3.) Furthermore, NYC is where I lost everything. The very last blog post I wrote in New York City consisted of me and Jesus weeping on a balcony over everything my family had lost while living there. And legit, after less than two years, my husband and I were days from filing for divorce, with little more than zero dollars and 8 pieces of furniture to our name. Two of which were side tables.
So you can see why a very real part of me has mourned leaving my boring… let’s be honest, easy life.
It’s also why I was rendered speechless when my friend declared, God calling me back to New York was proof of how much He loved me. Saying, “God must love you guys so much that he would call you to such a great adventure! He doesn’t do that for everyone, you know…”
I must have looked at her cock-eyed and awkwardly laughed (like I so often do when someone says something so outlandishly crazy like ‘God must love you so much that he would uproot your life and ask you to leave the life of comfort He has restored in you, to move back to the city that scares you.’)
You are right. God loves me so much, I must have thought to myself.
“No, really.” she looked me straight in the face and said, as if to respond to the dialogue going on in my head.
And in that moment, it was as if God reiterated, “No, really… Whether you see it or not, It is a honor to be called out of your comfort zone, and into a great adventure with Me.”
And I’m not the first He has called out of my boring life.
Psalm 78:70 says this, “[God] chose his servant David calling him from the sheep pens.” “One day he was caring for the ewes and their lambs, the next day God had him shepherding… His people Israel, his prize possession.”(vs. 71, MSG)
If you know anything about the life of David, there is no doubt God was calling him out of the sheep pens and into a greater story. Sure, it was going to be a difficult at times – there would be battles with giants, and many a nights hiding out in caves fearing for his life – but it was going to be worth it. Heck, David was going to be King!
Knowing what we know now about the amazing things God had planned for David, we too, would have looked David in the eyes, and confidently told him how lucky he was to be so loved by God to be chosen to go on such a great adventure with Him.
God must love you so much, David.
But I wonder if there was a part of David that was sad. If for a moment his heart was unsettled like mine, leaving the familiar and the comfortable, for the unknown. I wonder if that seemingly ‘boring life’ caring for ewes and lambs, was the life he loved. And if he mourned that, like I have mourned, you know…Walmart. (lol.)
I wonder what words God would have chosen to calm the restlessness in David’s heart, and if they are the same words God has so audibly been speaking to me these past few weeks. Maybe they will be the same words God uses to speak to you…
“My Child, Don’t waste your life holding tightly to what you have. Loosen your grip on what you love, let me have the pen, and I will write a better story for your life than you could have ever lived on your own.” – God
[ 2 Corinthians 5:15,6:1 ]
God has a way of calling us out of the sheep pens, and with it, out of our beloved comfort zone, doesn’t He? Asking us to give up the boringly simple things we love, for the better story only He can write.
And all because He loves us so much….
(Or so our friends will tell us, wink*)
What is God calling you to let go of?
What is He calling you to do –that has you feeling excited, expectant, or really, just like you are going to throw up?
7 thoughts on “I wanted a boring life (but God’s not listening)”
Bravo Krista! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Your friend obviously sees God at work in your life and He used her to (not so subtilly) remind you! He does have a sense of humor (which He has passed on to you!) Blessings on you and your family. I will be praying for you (I don’t envy you- my husband pastors a church in a small town in upstate NY – not too far from a Walmart!). Some day you and your mom should come for a visit! I’ve visited NYC twice (was there the night the car bomb almost went off!) and I wouldn’t want to live there either. That said- if God called- I’d like to think I would go (perhaps kicking and screaming, but going!) Again, I will be praying for you and your family as you make the move and transition back to the Big Apple! Welcome Home!
Oh girl! You remember back when you first prayed that dangerous prayer, “Use me, Lord” and yes He loves you so much because He has and He will continue to. I know the heart break of not having the number of munchkins that we envisioned and you are right, you must grieve that and then you must carry on because there are so many that we must help through this same loss that come after us.
With Jesus, you can do this. Be brave, Krista, like you always are even when you don’t even know you are being brave.
Thank you, Mia. You are always such an encouragement to me ❤️
I want to be like you. I want to have faith like you.
The end. 😊
Praying for you
I have just started following your blog after learning you were called to start a church in NY – I read this post and remembered how this mother’s heart ached when my now 21 y.o. single daughter felt called to ministry through her gifting as a photographer. At the time it meant leaving a hard earned full ride at CofC and trusting her calling. We didn’t know how that was going to play out. She is now in school for photography at Pratt in Brooklyn – miles from her South Carolina roots and miles from her momma. She is running hard after God and the passions He has given her for the local church and wounded hearted outcasts. This momma couldn’t be more excited for her and scared at the same time. Very much a season of letting go of my plans for her and letting God do what He does best! I will be faithful and I am honored to lift you and your precious family in prayer when I see your posts.
Tracy, that means more to me than you know. God’s ways are not our ways, that is certain. But man, doesn’t he write better stories than we do! Thanks again for your continued prayers. They mean the world to me and my family.
Lol I’ve never been to a Walmart
Welcome to nyc 🙂
God needs you here, women need you here, out daughters need you hear.
Your later days will shine far better than the former.
The best is yet to come 🙂