Perched high on a balcony, taking in my last New York City sunset, I admitted to God what I could no longer hide: that in spite of everything I was eternally grateful for, I really was just so, so sad…
That in simply a mere year and a half of living on the East Coast – the place where God had so clearly led my family and me – I had seemingly lost everything I held most dear.
With tears streaming down my face, I watched as the setting sun painted majestic hues above the East River sky, and I questioned aloud if such beauty could ever be restored in my life…my home…my heart…or my marriage…
But it was then that I realized: God wept with me.
There’s a story told in the Gospel of John in which Mary and Martha lost something precious to them also – their brother, Lazarus.
In their desperation they had sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick and they needed Him to come. Yet upon hearing the news, Jesus did something surprising…
…Nothing!
It says, “…Although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, he stayed where he was…”
Though admittedly He loved them, Jesus did NOT rush to their rescue when they felt they needed Him the most!
And in doing so, He single-handedly allowed what Mary and Martha held most dear to be lost!
When Jesus finally did arrive, Mary was overwhelmed with emotion and fell to His feet saying, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died…” Oddly enough, her words echoed much of my prayer overlooking the city that night:
…Lord, if you had only been here…my marriage wouldn’t have crumbled…my health wouldn’t have deteriorated…my life wouldn’t have imploded…
…Lord, if you had been here, maybe then I wouldn’t have lost EVERYTHING…
But then it goes on to say, “When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled within him, and he was deeply troubled…
…then Jesus wept.”
Understand this: Jesus didn’t weep because he was overwhelmed at the magnitude of what Mary and Martha were faced with. In fact, He knew with certainty that the story wouldn’t end there and that the plot would change dramatically once He entered the scene. (Which He proved, when just moments later, Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead!)
Nor did Jesus weep worrying that His timing was off and that He should have come sooner…He knew devastating circumstances would come, and He allowed it!
Instead, Jesus wept because He saw their pain, and because He loved what was lost just as much as they did…
And though it may not feel like it at times, God sees the extent of the pain we are faced with today.
‘Deep anger wells within him…’ when He sees the broken promises you have endured, and the scars you bear from your heart being trampled on mercilessly.
‘He is deeply troubled…’ when your most sought-after plans derail, and everything you love has seemingly taken a nose-dive into a dark abyss, obliterating your every hope and dream upon impact.
…And it is then, that He weeps with us.
Not out of fear of what we are up against or because He’s worried He doesn’t have an elaborate plan in place to rescue us. Jesus weeps because He sees YOU.
He sees you falling at His feet like Mary, defeated and wailing at the thought of all that is lost. He watches as you writhe and question where He was when your heart broke, and whether His plan for your life can be trusted moving forward…
And just like in the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, ‘Although he loves us…’ there will be times where God stays where He is – even when we feel we need Him the most!
Times when it would seem He has let our most frantic and desperate calls go straight to voicemail. And other times where He allows us to take a few wobbly steps on our own, watching as we grasp at anything in an attempt to steady ourselves, only to have us fall to our face before sweeping us up in His sovereignty.
BUT – and you can mark my words – while Jesus may not arrive IMMEDIATELY, He will come to your rescue EVENTUALLY! And when He does, what God allowed to be taken, HE WILL RESTORE!
So until we are standing in awe of God’s deliverance and basking in the intricate way He has pieced our lives back together, rest assured knowing we do not weep alone…
We are weeping with Jesus.